I see you / featuring Tobias Forge

Chapter 1 - Gotta love Ghost

It took her several years of, attempting, emotional breakdowns and oceans of tears, but she made it. Finally she managed to be on the right path on becoming the best version of herself.

Sasha was a shy woman, struggling for years with weight problems and being very self-conscious about it. She only had one boyfriend before and he ditched her for a Barbie-girl as, she would call the type, or, long blond devil spawn, depending on the mood Sasha was in. After the break up Sasha started eating out of comfort and it turned out to become an addiction. But she felt so alone, she just had to fill up the emptiness that Chris had left behind. She turned 40 without having a husband, child, or even a fucking cat for that matter. Despite of her moms warnings and her sisters attempts the distract her, to get of this path of destruction, Sasha kept gaining weight. Last year her body finally gave up and she was knocked down by physical problems, which caused her to end up in the hospital. Thank god she recovered and during her obligated time that she spent at home, she had a lot of time to think things over and decided it had to change. She had to change...

It was around that timethat her sister introduced her to a song that was a hit on TikTok. She heard it a couple of times in the slowed down version, but was already moved by the sound of the singers voice and the melodic sound of this song. She searched online to see which band was singing this song and played the original version. At that moment she fell completely and hopelessly in love with the sound of the lead singers voice. It was mesmerizing and it didn't take long before she started to like more and more of the various sounds this band displayed. Sasha had already a fondness of rock music, but never truly found the right tune that fitted her. Actually that was the story of her life. Feeling never truly happy, was starting to get a hold on her and as so many women of her age, she started to wonder... if this was it. Was THIS the life she wanted and dreamed about when she was a young girl? Sure, she had the perfect life in a lot of people's eyes. She had a good job and lived in a nice apartment in the suburbs of Amsterdam. But her job had taken over her life and not taking care of herself had made her gain weight, caring less about the way she looked and really forgetting who Sasha was in the first place. She was a good (maybe the best even) employee, a caring daughter, loving sister. She even was the best girlfriend ever to Chris, but somehow lost herself along the way. Always being not quite happy and missing... something.

Well...no more! Now started the era of Sasha! Sasha started to make a sort of wish list in her head; "First of all" she said: "lose weight, to improve your health and appearance." She always had the upmost respect for curved women, who had the boldness to wear whatever they wanted, but she covered herself up most of the time. She thought herself not worth of sexy clothing or fitted ones, because...well just look at yourself Sash! Your body was the reason Chris dumped you for that blond...Pushing away, the negative thoughts, Sasha moved on with her list. Secondly: she really wanted a cat, someone to come home to. To take care of and who would love her unconditionally. And thirdly...: she desperately wanted to go to a Ritual(concert) of her now most favourite band in the world: Ghost! She had fallen completely head over heels in love with their music and now loved every songthey plaid. Well one more than the other of course, but loved, loved, loved allof it. The combination theatrics, metalrock (who would have thought) andmelodic tunes in compliance with the fantastic guitar riffs, soul striking beats and the coolest background singers. But most of all... the voice of the lead singer, Papa IV. His voice was just...heavenly or hellish. Depending how you looked at it. She just HAD to experience a Ritual and their music live.

Sasha started to look up everything she could find about the band, so she could understand the lore behind it. The storyline about the various Papa's and sister Imperator had spiked her interest, as she always loved dark tinted stories. The video's of Cardinal Copia had her giggling of endearment. But when she found out who was behind this story, it felt like lightning had struck her. The man behind the mask was as light as the Papa he plaid on stage was dark. She felt a kind of connection between him and her, as if she could see right through his soft, somewhat sad and tired eyes, into his soul. This man had many layers to him. He was a genius at composing his music, but he was also a smart business man, he was a caring leader to his bandmembers, had a keen sense of humour, but there was also a sadness that she couldn't quite place. She could go on and on talking in awe about him. When she heard his voice, it was as if he was singing directly at her. He had a clear voice with a rough edge as well as great articulation. (this was particularly rare nowadays, with singers). She could say, that it was also in his favour that he was from the same birth year as she was and every cover song the band had made, was a favourite of hers as well. She of course was very much aware that she wasn't the only one thinking this way and that her thoughts were shared by thousands of other women and men over the world. Ghost was just COOL as fuck and she loved them, him, well of course all of them, but especially him. Even in his Papal mask, his 'normal' eye could sometimes stare into the crowd, as if he couldn't believe he made it this far, filled with a sadness sometimes, which Sasha wrote off to the fact he would have loved to share his success with his brother.

Sasha knew, he was completely out of her reach and probably had hundreds of beautiful women surrounding him. Still, she hoped to meet him one day and tell him how much she admired him and his band.

Sasha was a fairly good singer herself and had a good sense of music, at least she thought so. On the way to work, she was figuring out the backing vocals and singing along with the songs. Even though she was a soprano herself and used of singing lead vocals, she almost never sang the part of Papa/him, as if it was as shame not to hear his voice clearly. So she sang the backing vocals with verve and imagined herself being part of the band. No one would see her exact looks, because she would be wearing a costume and mask as one of the ghoulettes. She would call herself Penta, as in pentagram. She could then freely move around, without being so self aware, which she thought now, could probably be the very reason HE started this anonymous way of presenting himself and the band from the start. You could be completely free on stage, without anyone knowing who you are. Unfortunately the band had been pretty much "unmasked" now, because of the media. Cause communication is key. But the theatrics and lore were still quite active and appealing to people. And she could understand this very well. Sasha was convinced, that he was at ease in his costume. Because the difference of him when performing, or when talking in interviews, was huge. As she said; shadow and light. Although she was still not quite sure which side of him was the light part, because on stage he just radiated so much energy and joy in what he was doing. 

However, for the time being, Sasha would try to focus on her journey through life's struggles and try to check off her wish list. She knew she could do it, she was a strong an independent woman now. She got this.

"What are you doing honey?" Her mother, who came by to visit her, asked. "Ooooh n-nothing," Sasha replied, feeling her cheeks getting pinkish and a guilty smirk appeared on her face. "Oh my God!" Her mother sighed. "Are you listening to that garbage again? What are you looking at on your laptop? Really Sash, what is going on with you? Are you in some sort of midlife crisis? This sudden love for a satanic band is so.....I don't know what is going on with you"; and she shook her head in disapproval. "But...but..just LISTEN to their music, even for YOU there should be SOME appealing songs?" She desperately looked for any approval, but mom would probably think she was just being silly. But as Papa Terzo said when you have ghost(s), you have everything. So she held on to her band and kept on going strong. She was now almost two months on her journey and people started to notice some difference. There were some, who would ask her if she was on a diet, or maybe had weight loss surgery. Sasha was not ashamed to admit that she was indeed on a diet, because she was getting prouder of herself, day by day. She really started to believe that she was entering a new chapter in her life again. 

-Authors note-

A warm harted thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this story😊. It was the first I've ever written, so any comments to improve myself in stories to come, are more than welcome!

My next story is already in progress, so don't forget to follow for updates 😉.

With love, Sasha