𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 - (𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐎𝐧𝐞) ·˚ ༘·

𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐞

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𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯 :

"You don't understand" Joe said angrily, "I know you don't" I replied as tears formed in my eyes. Another fight, my life feels like a constant cycle of making music, fighting and sleeping. "Taylor I'm trying to understand you, but you're not understanding me" Joe raged on.

"You're not fucking understanding me" I yelled back at him, as a wave of anger washed over me. "I'm trying to but you're not listening to my concerns Taylor" Joe was getting to the point in which he was going to explode and minute now. "Concerns which you have had all along, concerns which you have to deal with if you're with me" I yelled.

"Shit which is unnecessary" He yelled back. "It's just shit which comes with being Taylor Swift and doing what I love doing most in the whole entire world, making music and making people happy".

Joe just doesn't get it, he wants me to do what I love one minute and the next he argues with me about it. He's been acting up lately, it's as if he's falling out of love with me. "Taylor I can't do this anymore" Joe huffed, "Can't do what anymore" I titled my head to the side. Suddenly, a wave of anxiety flushed over me, he's going to say it isn't he?, that one two letter word.

He took a pause. "Us" he said, I could see little crystals form in the corners of his eyes.

"No you don't m-mean that" I struggled to get the words out of my mouth, as hot tears began to stream down my cheeks.

"No we can make it work, can't we" I said with desperation in my voice. By this time, I was sobbing. I can't loose Joe, the love of my life. "Taylor we should of split the moment you announced this fucking tour" Joe was looking out of the window, at the view of Cornelia Street in the shades of midnight. My legs felt as if they they were about to give up on me and let me fall in defeat. A sudden sick sensation ran up my throat. I sat down in defeat, this must be a dream, any second now I'll wake up in Joe's loving arms.

All of a sudden, Joe knelt in front of me, he lifted my head up gently and I rested my hands on his chin. "Taylor, I love you, I do, I swear. But Taylor, we can't go on like this, ok. I'm sorry I have to do this to you, Break you down before you go on tour but it's the best thing for us. Thank you for everything, you are the Taylor Swift you will get over this."

I looked at his handsome face, tears were running down his face and I could hear the raw emotion in his voice. I know he wanted to save us, but it wasn't going to happen. He looked at me, wondering what I was going to say. The only thing I could force out of my mouth was "I can't" and I ran off to the guest bathroom. I locked the door and slid down it in defeat. I just let everything out. I didn't even notice Benji was in the room until he jumped into my lap. I just held him in my arms. "I've lost him, I've lost the love of my life" I sobbed, not like a cat could understand what I was saying.

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𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐋𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫

Joe's gone home to London, everything has been deadly quiet without him. Me, I'm just at my piano writing my pain away. I've written three songs, songs too painful to put out into the world. I had a good tune in my mind, perfect for a soul destroying song, which wasn't too soul destroying. So I grabbed my pen and notepad and titled the heart breaking melody 'You're loosing me' (attempt number four) and scribbled down 'You say I don't understand, and I say I know you don't' not too gut wrenching I suppose. Those words have been playing on my mind a lot recently.

I don't know how to put all of the bullshit I'm feeling into words. So, I get up and take a break from writing. I can't help at looking at the pictures of us on the wall, when we were happy, pure. Tears began to roll down my face, how am I going to this. How am I going to tour, I'm going to have to force myself through the pain of singing songs about him, the man I would marry with paper rings.

But my fans, they are my lifeline. I'm going to make sure they have the times of their lives watching me preform, even if it kills me.

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𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝.

- 𝐀𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐞, 𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐲, 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐚 :)