𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 - (𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐎𝐧𝐞) ·˚ ༘·

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐎𝐧𝐞

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𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯 :

Being on stage has been good for me, it's something to take my mind off the black hole called pain which is desperate to suck me up.

Although I love preforming my music, there are many songs which I can't bear to sing because they all canter around him. it hurts as I sing them, trying to fight through the emotion. I don't hear the love in my voice anymore, just raw pain.

One song which hurts the most is Lover, my voice doesn't sound half as happy as it did before when singing this beautiful melody. I was so in love, we were so in love when I wrote this song, and the whole album in fact. Now the song feels like a devil, a devil which is a constant reminder on just how fast time changes things.

But tonight, I tried to sound happier. I couldn't let Matty know how hurt I am. I could see him dancing alongside Gigi, having tons of fun, as if he owns this song. Yes, I love Matty but his pieces don't fit into the puzzle of my love life perfectly.

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Tonight's show was a blast. I had fun, I always have fun on stage. When I came off stage, I could see Matty waiting patiently for me. I quickly ran over to him, he abruptly scooped me up in his arms and spun me around. "Shit" I squealed, taken by surprise. "Sorry" he chuckled as he gently put me back on my feet. "Good show babe" Matty said and kissed me on the lips, I smiled at him. Mom came over and gave me a hug, "I'm proud of you" she said proudly. "Mom, you say that all the time" I chuckled. "I just want to remind you" She replied softly.

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Back at the Hotel, I took a quick shower and changed into my pyjamas which consisted of a black t-shirt and some grey joggers with Reputation printed on the left leg.

I walked into the main room, Matty was laying on the bed in his underwear, he was wearing black boxers. I flopped down on the bed beside him. "Hey babe" he smiled, "hi" I replied. "You look exhausted"  he said, a concerned look was on his face. "No I'm fine" I lied, yes I am fucking exhausted, but I don't want to worry him. "You look even prettier all natural" he said taking in my makeup less face, "why thankyou, and you look so handsome almost naked" I replied playfully.  I kissed him on the lips, and the kiss turned into making out. Matty tried to take my t-shirt off, "no sex tonight" I stopped him. "Babe we haven't fucked in two days" he pointed out. "I'm just not in the mood" I replied. 

"Tomorrow, I'm not doing a show you can have my in-between bits all you want them" I continued, "You do have a nice fanny" he replied.

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𝐖𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐯𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝, 𝐰𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲. 𝐀𝐬 𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐲 𝐢𝐟 𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲.