what was i made for, walker

002. not here

"Hey. What are you doing here so early?" Cordell asks his brother.

"No one nails this smoothie quite like I do." Liam remarks.

"I brought breakfast." Cordell says, holding up the bag.

"Eh, you kind of missed the boat on that one." Liam chuckles. "Stella Blue!"

"Hey." Cordell greets as Stella walks in. "Soccer." He says, noticing her gym bag.

"Big game tonight." Liam says.

"Yeah. No, yeah. Uh, yeah. Of course." Cordell says. "Uh, hey, where is my coffee mug? I've only had the same mug here for 17 years."

"Guess things disappear when you dip for a year." Janie remarks, taking a sip of her orange juice.

Abilene looks at her son who awkwardly smiles.

"You know, you make a good point." Abilene says. "This has always been your home, right? That's why I thought you'd be happy out in the farmhouse."

"It's great what you've done, but it's not our house." Cordell says making Janie roll her eyes.

"Your children have been here nearly a year. A little stability. Think about that." Abilene says.

"I am thinking." Cordell says. 

"About yourself." Janie mumbles under her breath, earning a nudge from her grandfather.

"W-what I'm thinking is that we should ease back into things on our own terms, mama." Cordell tells her. "You know, back to normal and all that. But thank you, of course."

"Does it even matter to you where we want to live?" Stella questions.

"Yeah, and exactly how to plan to make things normal? Can you resurrect people?" Janie remarks.

"I got to go." Stella says. "Uncle Liam?"

"I can take you." Cordell offers.

"Rather ride a bike." Janie grabs her bag and walks out.

Stella takes the drink from her uncle and grabs her bag, walking out.

"Uh, we kind of hit a groove." Liam says, following the two girls out.

+++

Janie is sitting in the backyard and it's dark. She hears yelling from the front yard and walks around the house until she finds her uncle and father wrestling on the ground.

Liam gets Cordell off of him, the two scrambling to their feet.

"You had no right!" Cordell shouts.

"Their mother is dead and they don't hear from you for three months at the end? And I know it was rough. It was rough for everybody. But you, you went dark. That is negligence. Or-- or worse." Liam says. "Mom and dad agreed--"

"Oh, mom and dad agreed?" Cordell sneers. "What the hell, Liam? Is everyone in on this? These are my kids!"

"Well, I didn't want them to be orphans! Did you? I would never take them." Liam states. "I wanted to protect them, for them to be with family. Because we are all that they've got. Tell me that you wouldn't want that. Because even now, I mean, you're not here. They need you."

"Come on. I'm here. Liam, I am here!"

"You are chasing ghosts!"

"I don't have a right to be thorough about my damn wife? Some things don't add up. Was-- was she a target? Was the poker chip a-a... I don't know, a calling card? Or-- or..."

"What answer-- what answer could possibly satisfy you? It's never gonna make any kind of sense that she is gone. The damn poker chip is-- is not gonna bring back your wife. You hear me? You will lose everything, all of that, if you don't stop searching for something that's not there."

Liam walks away.

Janie quickly goes back to the backyard before her dad can spot her, Cordell only finding August on the porch.

+++

Janie is in her room, looking over at the knock on the open door, rolling her eyes once she spots her dad.

"We need to talk." Cordell says.

"No, we don't." Janie argues.

"Look, honey, I-I'm trying here, okay? Really." He tells her.

"Didn't matter nine months ago, why should it matter now?" She grumbles.

"I'm getting somewhere with your sister... and your brother's been pretty welcoming since the beginning."

"Are you trying to compare us?" She questions, squinting her eyes at him.

"No. No, that's not what I'm trying to--" Cordell huffs. "Janie, you cannot stay mad forever."

"Wanna bet?" She scoffs. "You'd be surprised what a teenage girl with newfound daddy issues is capable of." She gives him a sardonic smile.

"Janie Bug--"

"Don't call me that." She starts to leave.

"Would you just let me in a little?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't deserve it." Cordell sighs, trying to think of the next thing to say. "I heard you and Uncle Liam last night."

Cordell straightens up, his words getting caught in his throat.

"Baby..." He mumbles.

"He's right, you know? You neglected us. And him adopting us would've been for the best. Plus, you don't ghost your kids. And the poker chip is from mom."

"Yeah, I know. Uh... Augie told me last night." Cordell says. "Janie, please, just--"

"No!" She yells, turning back to him. "No, you left us!" Her eyes tear up. "You left us, you do not get to be let back in so fucking easily!"

"You know why I left." Cordell says. "After that little meeting, intervention thing--"

"We told you to get your act together, we did not in any way suggest you abandon us!" She screams. "We didn't want you to leave! We wanted you to stay! We wanted you to stop drinking and investigating! We needed you and you left!" She hits his chest.

"You just left!" She hits him in the chest again. "We needed you!" She hits him. "I needed you!" She continues to punch his chest, Cordell simply letting her get her frustrations out, the punches not hurting too much anyway.

"I hate you! I hate you. I hate you." Janie's punches start to slow down and Cordell tries to hug her. "No. No, no!" Cordell manages to wrap his arms around her, Janie stomping her foot and sobbing. She stops hitting him, her fists remaining balled up, not sure she wants to hug him back.

"I got you. It's okay." Cordell whispers. His arms go around her shoulders, one hand resting on her head. "I'm so sorry. I'm not going anywhere this time. I'm staying."

Cordell feels her shoulders relax a bit and she buries her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around him. Cordell tightens his grip around her, stroking her hair, and he places a lingering kiss to the top of her head.

+++

The siblings are sitting at the table in the farmhouse and watching August's "What Texas Means to Me" project. Janie softly laughs as she watches the video of her mom and August.

"Dad." August pauses the video when Cordell walks in. "Uh, it's not finished yet, but want to watch it?"

"Of course." Cordell says, walking over.

"I was just thinking about mom. She was just starting to teach me." August says. "So I... wanted to start with what she saw."

"Okay." Cordell sits on the back of the couch. "Um... go ahead and roll it, buckaroo."

August clicks play, the family of four fondly smiling at the videos of the family of five.