Stated Love

Chapter 14

"I want to put it on," Muna said through the screen. "Full time." Duaa and I do a little victory dance. "That's great! Did your parents confront you or was it your choice?"                                              "Honestly, I just looked up to you guys. I also recently started going to Halaqas (circle gathering for religious topics/reading Quran) with my mom and there was one day where we learned about Hijab. And I don't want to die uncovered; life's too short not to please Allah." Muna explains. She pulls a pink Hijab off of her bed post. "I'll take it in baby steps, Inshallah," The Hijab is chiffon, with beautiful crystals and gems embedded on the edges. I blank stare in horror. "You've dishonored me. Really, chiffon?!" Duaa and Muna burst out in giggles. "Chiffon's not that bad." Duaa, who wears a mix of chiffon, with jersey, and sometimes even modal and pashmina. She's caught up on all the Hijab trends, patterns, and textures. "I mean, it's good for events and stuff but it's so itchy and slides all over. Even if you have an under cap." Duaa's face lights up. "Give us a Hijab tutorial!" She suggests and Muna accepts. We each wip our Hijabs out and practice different styles together. I'm in the middle of the turban style when Walaa barges into my room. I frown and say, "Can you please knock next time?" But her expression is sad and painted with confusion. I turn back to my Mac Book. "Ok girls, I've got to go, but we'll talk soon Inshallah, 'kay?" They nod and I slam my screen shut. "What's wrong? Is everything ok?" I demand. "Alaa, Jidu's really sick. He's in the hospital right now. Mama, Haboba, and Baba are heading to New York soon. Alaa, he's practically dying." As soon as she finishes her sentence, I don't waste a second. I run out of my room and down the stairs to see my parents on their laptops in the living room, probably booking tickets. "You have to take us along, you guys can't just leave us here!" I complain. They glance at each other and back to me, still silent. "Did you even hear a word I said? We all need to go and see Jidu, it's not fair!" I yell. Mama comes up to my side and holds me tight, leading me to her room. We sit down on the bed and she rubs the tears off my cheek. I think she starts crying too. "I know, it's not fair. But wouldn't Jidu want you to study? You have exams coming up. He'd want you to pass." She makes a good point, but I don't care. I want to be with Jidu. "It's not fair, though, I don't care, I'm ready. I'll take them early." Although I know that my teachers won't let me do that, I suggest it anyways. Mama smiles warmly and runs a hand through my curly locs. When my grandpa was young, he used to have curls. He used to tell me stories about how all the girls in university would whisper all about his curls and soft hair. Thinking about this, I smile, just a little bit. "I'm sorry. But if it makes you feel better, we'll let you face time him every night and we'll call every night too, ok?" I shrug. That doesn't make me feel better. I slump my shoulders and walk out of the room. I lay in my bed with the covers over me for what feels like an eternity. There's a knock on my door. "Come in," I say, taking the covers off. As I look through the window, the sky's a purplish blue now. Last I remembered, it was as light blue as the Blue Bubblegum ice cream at Sam's favorite ice cream parlor. It was Bashir at the door. "Hey," He smiles, taking a seat beside me. He pats my back. "Baba and Mama are going to New York without us. Life sucks." He blows air out of his mouth, exhaling sharply. I nod in agreement. "Yeah, it really does." We continue talking for a bit and he takes things off of my mind. Bashir has the power to do that type of thing to a person. "Anyways when they leave, that doesn't mean we're going to just have frozen pizza every night," I gag when he says "frozen pizza"; I haven't gotten near a slice since we first got to New Jersey. "We're going to make the most of it and have fun. It's a tough time for our family now, but we need to take our mind off of things and just hope for the best." I nod in agreement and give him a hug. He hugs me back and soon, he leaves. 

It's Monday again and before I know it, it's an amnesty period for exam prep. I skip gym, and practically half of the class does to study for exams. I mean, the 'nerds' do. The jocks stay to play ball hockey for our newest unit and Ashley and 'her breed' (Ruby and Zoe) hide in the change room and gossip about the biggest glow ups for the freshman girls while straightening (practically frying) their hair and doing each others makeup (in other words, getting ready to be clowns at the circus). I fit in the 'nerd ' category so I'm sitting at the library, typing away on my Mac Book. I'm studying for my English exam, which is pretty simple in my case. I'm a straight A star student and apparently Mr.Kitchen is 'fond of me and has a deep regard that I will pass this exam'. I log into my laptop and open my Quizlet tab. Quizlet has always been my biggest help when studying for any test or exam. In total, my set has over one hundred flash cards. As I'm skimming through the list of questions, Addie and Sam take a seat at my table. "Oh, hey guys, are you skipping?" Sam rolls her eyes. "Addie is, but I'm not. I'm signed out." She glances at Addie, who sticks her tongue out at Sam. I look back at my laptop while they bicker. "So, what are you studying for?" Addie pokes at the back of my laptop screen. "English." I adjust my screen. Just then, Abdallah walks up. He waves slightly and I look up, knots forming in my stomach. What if Addie and Sam say something? "Hey, what are you working on?"                              "I'm studying for my English exam." Addie rolls her eyes at me and mouths 'way to go'. I fold my lap top and grab my stationary. "I'm going to go," I avoid all eye contact with Sam and Addie, especially Abdu. The girls stay put, but Abdu follows after me. "Hey, Alaa, wait!" He calls. I walk even faster, trying to hold my tears in. I end up in an empty hallway when I stop at my heels and turn to him. My cheeks feel slightly wet and the expression on his face is confusion and longing. If I could right now, I'd give him the biggest hug I could and hold him tight and never let go. But I couldn't. "Abdu, I know you like me, ok? And I do too, but we can't be together," I take a deep breath. "Look, I like you- love you a lot. You make me happy, you make me smile, you bring me closer to all the things I love. But dating leads to zina, one of the worse sins and if you love me that much, you'd wait for me...and I'd do the same, Wallahi. But every time we get closer, I feel the need to distance myself. And since I love you that much, I need to, Abdallah." He inhales deeply and we both look down to the floor. "Alaa, I agree with every word you said," Abdallah looks up first. I start crying again. "Stop, don't cry, it's ok, I'll wait for you, because you're worth it. Alaa you're spunky, and smart, and so beautiful, inside and out." I laugh a little. "Thanks, no guy's ever told me that before. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to hang out, because I really do and I want to keep in touch-"                                                                                                     "We've just got to set boundries." He cuts me off. I smile and say, "Exactly, Halal boundaries." Abdallah pauses, a thought looming into his head. "Should we tell our parents?" I consider it, but disagree. "Nah, we'll wait for the right time. Anyways, I've got to go...bye." I give him a little playful wave and he returns the favour. With that, we walk our separate ways down the hallway. Honestly, I'm glad I got this off of my chest. And I'm glad that we both have this mutual understanding. 

"I'll wait for you, because you're worth it."