Stated Love

Chapter 22

"I'm moving," I say, matter-of-factly. He stares at me in blankness. "I'm moving next week, Inshallah." Abdallah and Zayna shake their heads in confusion. "W-wait, when? Why?" Zayna's chuckling in disbelief. "Girl, you just got here!" She jokes, laughing. Abdallah isn't though. He just looks stunned, shocked, blown away. I want to reach over to him so bad, to squeeze his hand and let him know everything was going to be alright. Zayna gives Abdallah I the floor. "When did you find out? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" A muscle in his jaw twitched like he was hurt. I didn't mean to; I just didn't think he would take it the right way. I thought that maybe if I didn't talk about it, it wouldn't really happen. "I'm sorry, it all just happened so soon. I thought if I didn't tell you or talk about it much, maybe it wouldn't happen." He scoffs and puts his head in his hands. It's not like we're actually dating or a thing. Why was he acting this way? "What? Are you mad at me?" He looks up and glares at me. His eyes feel like bullets into mine. He's really hurt. "No, I'm not mad that the girl I love is moving miles away and didn't think to tell me until a week before she leaves." I bite my tongue. What can you say to that? "It's ok, you still have a week left; and you'll visit, right? And come for uni?" Zayna's trying to lighten the mood, it's obvious. But her brother ignores her and continues staring at the ground. "Ok, I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean to tell you in this way. Plus, like Zayna said, i'll be back soon. Just give me some time Inshallah," He's stays still. "It's not like I had a choice, Abdu. So can you stop being so pissy about it?" I surprise myself sometimes. I guess I didn't measure my tone. "What the hell, Alaa. You should have told me! Something big like this, you should have told me." I roll my eyes. "It's not like we were a real couple anyway." I bite my tongue again but this time, hard. I meant that we weren't actually dating, like that we weren't a 'dating couple'. Abdallah scoffs and stands up. His eyes stare down at me and I'm trying so, so hard not to cry, to crumble right in front of him. "You're right. We were never a real couple anyway," I stand up too and face him. A mixture of angry and sad tears stream down my cheeks. He turns around and starts walking away. "Fine then! Run away, like you always do!" I yell. His head snaps back. "What's that supposed to mean?" I can't even look at him right now and I don't want anyone to look at me either. I turn to Zayna who holds a pained expression. "I'm so sorry, Zayna, I ruined everything; but that doesn't mean I don't want to be friends with you," I pause as she pulls me into a hug. "That doesn't mean that I don't love him." She wipes my cheek with her finger. Thank God the cafe is empty and there's no one here to see this scene I made. "Don't worry, I get it. I'm sure he'll come around." She smiles warmly and hugs me again. But from the looks of it, I don't think he will.

They still drove me home, because Abdallah is a true gentleman. But that didn't mean he had to talk to me. Whenever he took a turn or pressed on the accelerator, he did it with full power, going sharp on all the turns. "Abdallah, stop, can't you see we're scared?! Why don't I take the wheel?" Zayna panics. He looks from her to me in fear. He was afraid. He still cared. He turned his head back, staring at the dashboard. "No, I'm fine," I bows his head just a bit and glances to his right. "I'm sorry you feel that way," He mumbles. Once they drop me off, he doesn't even step out. Zayna does and showers me with hugs and kisses. "I'm going to miss you so, so much, Wallahi. Don't be a stranger, 'kay?" She says through tears. After I slip a few as well, I start to head to my porch. Zayna marches over to the driver's seat and whispers something into Abdallah's ear. He mumbles, and all I hear is, "You're right. I don't want to,".

Don't want to what? Don't want to lose me to somebody else? Don't want to say goodbye to me? Don't want to regret not saying the last goodbye? A million questions raced my mind.

He stepped out of the car. I'd never seen him look so devastated. I thought this was an apology, but it wasn't; it was goodbye. "Hey," I waved slightly and even made a point to smile a little bit, the type of wave and smile we sent each other across the hall. He sent one right back. That's it, maybe things would be better between us. But when his smile faded, I knew they wouldn't. Now mind you, he wasn't usually the type to hold grudges. But this was different, I guess. "Well I guess this is the end." He shrugs.

It doesn't have to be.

He sighs deeply and sticks his hand out to shake mine. "Goodbye, Aloya," He remembered my nickname. He made the effort and gave me one of his good-natured-warm kind of smiles. "Goodbye." That was all I could say. I felt like the words had been sucked straight out of me although there were a thousand things I wanted to say, a thousand things on my mind. I stuck my hand out to meet his. He walked off to his car, and I walked home. And that was the last time I ever saw him again.

I never knew if he'd ever keep his promise, really. The whole 'i'll wait for you, because you're worth it' B.S. Was it even a promise? And as I said before, were we really ever a couple? I don't know about that.

Even at the get together at Bubbles that Sahar, Zayna, and a few other friends from New Jersey threw for me since I was leaving, he didn't even bother coming. But to be fair, I didn't ask Sahar or Zayna if he was invited. All of the guys from our friend group were there, except him and Salman. Oh, yeah; I forgot about him.

I was in the car right now. We were driving back to The Big Apple, a Mc Donalds triple quarter pounder in my right hand, my lap top on my lap, and J Cole in my ears. I tried my best to push my thoughts away. On Salman, on Abdallah, on New Jersey in general. Maybe this move to New Jersey was a good thing. Maybe it was bad. But overall, it taught me one thing:

Be true to yourself, no matter what. Don't change yourself (for the worse) for anyone else, their beliefs, or a traumatic event in your life. because that bad mentality can make or break your day. And life's too short to be a people pleaser, YOLO!

Ok, so maybe that's not the only thing I learned. Let's try re-wording that:

Be true to yourself no matter what. You're not here to please the creation, your here to please the creator. And life's too short; YOLO!