Under The Clear Summer Sky

21 | his insecurities

"Shrest?"

"Shrest."

Vineet tapped Shrest's shoulder who had his headphones on while studying. Shrest turned around and glanced at Vineet. Then, he went back to his books. "What is it?"

Vineet let out a deep breath.

"Your physics marks haven't been good."

"That's okay. I don't want to do anything science related."

"You're not interested in science? You used to like-"

"That was then. Now, I don't want to be associated with anything related to you."

Vineet sat down on Shrest's bed, adjacent to the study table. "Why? What did I do wrong?"

Shrest let out a harsh breath. He slammed his headphones down.

"Each day, I get compared with you. Each day. I score 75 in English. 

'Oh, but Vineet used to score full or 79. It never dipped below that.' 

I improve my science marks by 5. 'But Vineet would never let it dip to this extent, in the first place'. 

I show mother my art. 'That's useless. It won't do you any good. At least, Vineet didn't waste time on such things'

No matter how hard I work, I'm never going to reach up to you. No matter what I do, even if I win the goddamn Nobel prize, I'm not going to be enough. I haven't done enough. You're always walking ahead of me on the road and even I run, I can't catch up to you. I'm stuck lingering in your shadows and I HATE IT AND I HATE YOU!"

Shrest panted, nearly screaming.

He dropped back down on his chair, slumping against it. "So can you please go? Seeing you reminds me of how much of a disappointment I am."

It was stunned silence that filled the room for a few minutes. Vineet's hands trembled. His lips quivered.

Vineet stood up, slowly. "When did she start talking like this?"

Shrest replied, softly. "She was always like this. It worsened when you left."

Vineet nodded. After a moment, he left the room.

He left his parents house without a word of goodbye to his mother or father. He walked all the way back to his apartment complex. Nothing seemed to register in his head. Years of memories and words seemed to swirl around in his head. 

The doors of the elevator slid open. He stood outside his door, making no movement to open it. He glanced at Anu's door. His hands, that were tucked in his pocket, trembled. He went over to her door and crouched against it. She wasn't at home. She was at the wedding.

The first time Vineet had written a school test, his mother scrutinized the test paper. "It's such an easy paper and you've made 3 mistakes. What am I sending you to the Olympiad for, then?

The next test, he had improved. He had only made one mistake. "You've still made a mistake? Why can't you think during the exams?"

The next test, he made no mistakes. "Getting full in one exam doesn't matter. You need to get full in every exam. Understand?"

In the final test of the grade, he got full again. "Get it next time as well."

His head dipped into his arms that were crossed on his knees. 

"You're always walking ahead of me on the road and even I run, I can't catch up to you."

What were they running for, him and Shrest? Who were they trying to beat, in the end? 

His shoulders trembled. He had felt the weight of the world for so long. It hurt to see his own brother having to do the same. He had been trying to correct his mother's mindset in every chance he got to ensure his brother won't have to go through the same thing.

It turned out all his attempts were useless.

"A teacher? Of all the things, you want to be a teacher? What was the point of me and your father spending so much money just for you to be some mediocre teacher? Is this how you repay me for just wanting you to have a good life?"

"Don't come near my sight, if you want to continue being a teacher."

His head dipped further down.

His hands gripped his arms tighter. 

He could hear a 'Ding!' sound, that sounded far away to him. Footsteps approached him. "Vineet?"

He made no movement.

"Vineet?"

He looked up the face of the woman he considered his personal angel.

"Vineet, why are you sitting here? Weren't you supposed to be at your parent's house?"

She had crouched down in front of him, looking at him with eyes that nearly overflowed with worry.

He gazed at her, feeling nothing but exhaustion and overwhelming sadness.

She pulled him up. "Come on, let's first get into my house." She pushed her keys in, rotating the lock. Then, the doors opened. She walked in, ushering him inside. She placed the keys on top of the shoe cabinet.

"Are you ok?" She said, while taking of her shoes. Once she placed the shoes inside, she turned around and was immediately engulfed in a hug.

All his emotions seem to settle on her with the simple physical contact. Tears began flowing down his eyes, slowly landing on her shoulder. She didn't ask anything. She didn't say anything. She stood there and let him hug her. She hugged him back, holding him close. 

He cried. For the first ever time in his life, he let it all out, crying for all the years of his life he missed out on and all the exhaustion he had endured. He was tired.

✿

word count: 934 words