First Loves

Chapter 18

Trigger Warning

I'm going off what I personally experienced during my own loss, it can be different experiences for others.

Celeste woke up with a burning sensation in her chest and the urge to be sick. She moved Brandon's arm off her waist and stood. Carefully getting off the air mattress she rushed to the bathroom, fighting against the dizziness and the curling in her stomach while bile crept up her throat. Reaching the bathroom, she dropped in front of the toilet and threw up. Gripping the porcelain, tears ran down her face as she emptied out her stomach. Sweat formed on her forehead as her throat burned and her chest ached. The room began to spin as a fire erupted in her stomach that made her curl over even more. The fire raced through her veins as the pain suddenly erupted all over her body.

"No," she moaned as she felt warm liquid pour down her legs. "No, no, no." She tried to stand, too scared to look but her chest felt like she fell into a fire and black spots covered her eyes. "Sean," she tried to call out as she reached for the doorknob. "Sean," her voice shook as the fire burning her yanked the oxygen out of her and everything went black.

Beep Beep Beep Beep

Celeste whimpered as her body felt weighed down like she was encased in cement. "Hey you're awake, Pookie," Sean whispered as he gently picked up her hand and laced their fingers together.

The fog in her brain dissipated as she looked into his green eyes and saw tears threatening to fall. "No," she pleaded, "please no, Dr. Sean, no."

The burning in her stomach and thighs turned into sharp stabs as the tingling from like when your foot falls asleep curled up her neck and dripped down into the bones of her fingers and toes. Everything felt like she was either being stabbed by red hot pokers or needles while the little oxygen in her was being pulled out of her.

"I'm so sorry, Celeste," Sean's voice broke, and tears started to slip down his face. "There was nothing I could do, I tried."

"What..." her chest jerked as she tried to force back a sob, "what was it?"

"We don't know," Sean shook his head, "it was two days too soon. You were nine weeks and five days; I can't do a blood test until ten weeks. I'm so sorry, Celeste."

"What happened?" she asked as her tears dropped down past her ears and onto the pillow.

"I'm not exactly sure," he shook his head, "North woke to you calling for me and woke me. We found you passed out in the bathroom bleeding, and you had gotten sick. What happened?"

She whimpered as Sean adjusted the hospital bed so she was sitting up, it was then that she saw that the rest of the men were sitting around the room watching her and Sean intently with silent tears in their eyes and on their cheeks.

She sniffled as Sean gently kissed their intertwined fingers. She recounted what happened, "I still burn and tingle, Dr. Sean," she whimpered. "It's worse than the last two times."

"I had to perform a D&C, Celeste," Sean said sadly. "After you miscarried your body started to attack itself and it was making you severely sick. You lost more blood than you should, and your body is traumatized from the loss and the procedure. If North hadn't woken..."

Celeste couldn't hold back anymore and Sean wiped his tears before he pulled her into his lap. "Dakota, go get your mother to change the bed and after birth panties," Sean whispered as she clung to him. "Just let it out, Celeste, please."

"I'll get you some extra clothes from your office," Gabe said hoarsely as he wiped his face before leaving the room.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't keep it," she sobbed, "I'm sorry I'm so broken, I'm sorry."

"You did nothing wrong," Sean said as he held her tighter. "You're not broken, Pookie, this baby was just not ready to be with us. Do you hear me, Celeste? You did nothing wrong, this isn't your fault."

"Sean," she sobbed as she pressed herself even closer to him, trying to tighten her hold on him. A sharp pain hit her uterus and she screamed into his neck as her muscles and body tightened and froze, refusing to relax. "Owwww, making it stop Sean."

"I'm sorry Pookie," Sean said as he held her, gently moving his hand up and down her back. "I wish I could, I would take the pain if I could. I'll give you some more pain reliever in a second."

"Move Sean," Erica said heartbroken as she patted some tears from her face with her tissue. "I'm so sorry Dear."

Celeste buried her face into his neck trying to muffle her sobs as he moved them over to the group. Erica quickly changed the bloody sheets and placed a clean after birth panty on the bed. She kissed the back of Celeste's head while hugging her and Sean. She said something to the men, but Celeste couldn't didn't pay attention, her mind was just swirling at the loss and pain that was clawing and pulling her into the darkness.

Ice cold water hit her, snapping her out of the endless spiral as she gasped back to reality. "Sorry, Pookie," Sean said as he turned the water to warm. "You weren't responding to me." She blinked and found herself in the hospital room shower with Sean. "We thought you would want to get clean before we go back home."

"Huh?" she asked dazed and confused. "What?"

Sean pulled her into his arms, "Everything will be okay, Celeste, we'll get through this."