Matt Sturniolo imagines

⚠️TW sh⚠️

A/N: Matt and Y/N are dating in this one. I myself have struggled with sh in the past, so I wanted to write something people could relate to. Enjoy.

       I try to think of all of the things Matt said to me the last time I felt this way. "Don't do it, for me." "I love you, hurting yourself makes it worse." "You can be seriously hurt, don't to it please." Although thinking about that helped, they were drowned out by the other things in my mind. The intrusive thoughts telling me things like "Do it, you deserve it." "How could u be so selfish." "You don't deserve shit." "Cut it." "Do it."
       As the thoughts grew louder, I could feel tears start to drip down my face. Razor blade in hand, I slid down against the locked door to sit on the floor. I need a release. Slit. 1..2..3..4..5. It wasn't enough, I deserve worse. I slid down my sweatpants just slightly to reveal my thighs. 7..8..9..10..11..12. It stung, but for a moment, the thoughts were silenced. The more I thought about what I had just done the more I regretted it.
       I washed the cuts with cold water and put on a new pair of sweats and one of Matt's hoodies. I went downstairs to see Matt eating some lunch.
       "Hi love." He said kindly.
"Hey." I said. My voice was still slightly shaky and he must've noticed how my eyes were puffy. I got a water bottle and walked toward the stairs.
"Wait Y/N, are you okay?" He said walking over to me. "Yea I'm fine, love you" I said forcing a small smile. I turned away to go back up the stairs. "W- hold on, Y/N," he grabbed my arm pulling my back towards him. I winced in pain because he grabbed fresh cuts. Shit. "Love, that couldn't have hurt, I didn't grab you hard." I stayed silent. Looking at the ground, I felt so guilty. I held back tears. "Y/N." He said softly, his voice began to shake. "Can you roll up your sleeves for me?"
"Are you kidding me?" I replied.
"Love, I just want to make sure you're okay." I was about to fight back, but he was right. He knows what I did, and he cares about me. I shouldn't be mad at him. I sighed and gave in. I hesitated slightly, and began to shake a little. I rolled up my sleeves, trying to be cautious of the wounds. My eyes glued to the floor. Matt's face turned red, and his eyes became glossy. He looked so worried. He covered his mouth with his hand. in disbelief.
       "y/n..." he said softly, his voice cracking. I began to cry. "Oh, y/n..."he pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed into his chest. My knees became weak and I fell to the ground, since we were embraced, he managed to soften the fall. "Y/N, why would you do that to yourself, it doesn't do anything but hurt you." He said, his voice cracking. "It's like a distraction. Like when you put ice on a bug bite. You're too focused on the cold to notice the itching. When I cut, I'm too focused on the pain to notice the horrible thoughts."
       Matt's eyes began to form tears. He put his hands on either side of my face. "I can't believe such a beautiful soul could be put through so much pain." He said just above a whisper. I began to cry some more. "Shhhh, it's okay love, I've got you. Cmon, let's go up to bed." I nodded.
                                      —in bed—
       I was curled up in fetal position facing Matt, his arms wrapped around me. He pulled away from me for a second. "Love, I don't want to rush you to get better right away. But can you please promise me that if you feel like you want to do it again, please please please call me. Any time or place, I don't care. Anything's better than you hurting. Please call me." He said, pain quivering in his voice. "I promise. I'll call you." Matt picked up my hand and kissed it. "Y/N, I love you. All of you. Scars and all. Anyone who can't see you for all of you're true beauty is crazy." I snuggled back up against him. My face buried in his chest. "I love you too, Matt. More than anyone. Thank you." My voice muffled from being buried in his hoodie. He kissed my head, and we drifted off to sleep.