Kaylor: The Timeline

Chapter 5.2

Mom wants to know if you're going to bring Josh home on your birthday. Our cousins are coming too.

The text from Kimby sets Karlie over the edge, as she slaps a a hand over her mouth to prevent the sound of a sob from filling her silent, empty apartment. She bites down on a finger, willing herself to pull it together, as hot tears escape from her eyes, quickly making her cheeks moist.

They don't even fucking know.

Her family, for the first time in her entire life, didn't have a clue about what is going on in her life. Where does she even begin? Should she ask them to sign a legal contract before or after catching them up on her personal life?

She starts to cry harder, thinking about the expressions of their faces when each presented with a contract they must sign, simply promising to keep Karlie's private life private. As if family needs to sign a contract for that. They'd ask questions that had answers Karlie felt like were impossible to explain to them. They won't understand. They're going to think I'm making a huge mistake. How could  she explain this to Taylor? That her family will doubt their relationship once a legal contract is set down in front of them, especially after the Swift family had accepted her with open arms?

She just wants someone to talk to, anyone to talk to. She used to never feel alone, she could call up any of her sisters, any of her friends, but now here she was, completely alone, surrounded by the many copies of non-disclosure agreements she had to bring home with her.

She always thought she had at least Taylor to talk to about everything, they were in this together after all, but once being faced with questions about Josh earlier, she realized there were just some things she needed a friend to talk with, not a girlfriend. She's going to want to talk about Josh more, too. Why can't I talk about that weekend with her?

There were just so many loose ends, so many things that seem to suddenly complicate everything. I promised her I can handle all of this and that I understood what I was getting into.

Karlie hates that she feels so overwhelmed, especially after only a single day of needing to understand. Taylor had kept them apart for months, convinced that Karlie couldn't be a part of her complicated life, and all Karlie had wanted was a chance to prove her wrong. Can I prove her wrong?

It was all so much. The strategizing, manipulation, deceit, and secrets that Tree had explained to Taylor didn't frighten the singer, they didn't shock her or make her feel sick, as it had to Karlie. This is Taylor's world, the world the singer had warned Karlie of for months, and maybe it is a world Karlie didn't have an ounce of understanding of, until today. And for the first time, she felt different from Taylor. Her life is nothing like mine.

"Shit," Karlie mumbles to herself, roughly rubbing at her eyes, frustrated with how hot her throat burns and how plentiful her tears are. This is easy to Taylor. This is normal.

Karlie leans her head back against her couch cushion, heart feeling heavy, as her breathing is reduced to teary hiccups.

She wishes she was back at Taylor's apartment, being with the singer was an easy and constant reminder of why all this was worth it. But being alone, and thinking of explanations she could give to her family and friends when presenting them with contracts, made it seem very difficult to make sense of why this all needs to be this way. I'm doing all this for someone who doesn't want to spend too much time with me.

I'm in love with her and she doesn't feel the same way.

The thought shocks Karlie, how did she get to this point so quickly? I'm in love with Taylor.