Kaylor: The Timeline

Chapter 13.1

July 31, 2014 tswiftdaily ( . ) com/tagged/july+31+2014/

As ashamed Taylor is to admit it, when she first awakes the first thing her mind speeds to is just how out of hand she had become with alcohol in her system at the concert. She knows she should be far more worried about her and Karlie's argument last night, and the forced untimely exit that Taylor had given Karlie no choice but to take, but yet, all she can think about is just how close she had gotten to Karlie backstage. Tree is mad about the pair rushing onstage for thousands of New York City concert-goers to see, but she has no idea just what Taylor had allowed a select few to see backstage. It didn't take much alcohol in her system for Taylor to act on her need to keep Karlie near, she was in love with her after all. But I was stupid.

There was no way that they behaved as friends do backstage. No way at all. But who was there to see it? Taylor's memories of her and Karlie last night are crystal clear, but their true surroundings and environment remain fuzzy to her. She had only been focused on Karlie. How loud were we speaking? How many people were around us? How long were we really dancing for? Did we ever go too close to the stage? Could the audience see glances of us? They are questions she would know the answer too if alcohol hadn't been involved. Actually, they were questions she would never need to be worried about now if alcohol hadn't been involved.

Her heart races at the idea that people could now suspect Taylor and Karlie of keeping a secret together, a secret that could completely flip Taylor and Karlie's world upside down if ever exposed.

This is what claims the focus of Taylor's worries on this lonely morning in her empty apartment. Her hand clings to the gold necklace Karlie had given her in Rhode Island, squeezing tightly, as she wishes more than anything that this is not the worry that takes over her body. She should be worried about Karlie, not this.

I don't deserve her. But I love her so much.

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The most difficult part for Karlie is figuring out just where the night went wrong, and just how it went wrong so fast. Yesterday should have been one of her and Taylor's best days yet together. Taylor, for once, was the one who wanted to share the secret of their relationship with someone, a lifelong friend of Karlie's. Taylor was the one who was free and open with Karlie in a public setting. Isn't that everything Karlie has wanted since the very start? However, Karlie was the one who wanted to be reserved with their secret, suffering from a fear and certainty that things could only go wrong when sharing the love they have for each other with another. And as for the concert, well, Taylor was completely amazing to her. But should Karlie have let her be?

I shouldn't have let her get so close. I knew we were too close. She acted in a way I knew she'd regret and I just let her do it. I should have been more responsible. Tree would never have had a reason to call in the first place if I made sure we acted appropriately. We could have had a nice night.

Posting a picture that implied a relationship between her and Josh seemed like a logical attempt at a temporary solution when Karlie had arrived to her apartment, with teary mascara stains marking her cheeks. The rightful shame and guilt that followed didn't hit her until the next morning after a fitful night of sleep, when she awoke to text messages from each of her sisters, Cara, Jourdan, and Derek asking just why she had posted a picture involving Josh. How could she ever explain this, especially to people who were already skeptics?

And as for Taylor telling her to think about things, what was there to think about? I love her. Does Taylor not think that's all that matters?