"TO REAL NOT TO DEAL"

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What do I do now? Being at my my mom house was to much to bare, my children was raised there. I'm expecting to see him walk through the door and give me one of his big hugs, I need one of those hugs.
I remember maybe a month prior to his death my son and I sat in the car in my moms driveway talking, I as always said to him Eli don't go out at night its not safe. And I don't want anything to happen to you ok. And my son looked at me and said to me mama I can't die. I said everybody can die Eli, just do what I say ok. He said ok mama, I don't remember anymore of that conversation but those words (mama I can't die) will forever hunt me.
September the sixteenth 2001 ELI'S sixteenth birthday I brought him a cake and some balloons with one big one that read "this is your day Eli". I had those words inscribed especially for him, but as I turned the corner onto the main street. That particular balloon flew out the window, no other balloon except for that one. The car window was up enough that no balloon could fly out, but some how that particular balloon flew out. To this day I  don't understand why that balloon was singled out, I had an eerie feeling for a split second. But hey today is my baby's sixteenth birthday.

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