Per Aspera Ad Inferi - Ghost x fem reader

VII. Spirit

Entering my trailer, I closed the door behind me and let out a heavy sigh. I sat down on the edge of my bed, my mind racing with mixed emotions. I attempted to rationalize Phantom's behaviour, wanting to understand why he would react so harshly. It crossed my mind that he might be going through something, and that made me feel horrible for hurting him on purpose. It also made me feel a new kind of hurt that he wouldn't tell me before the pot boiled over. I cared for Phantom, and I never intended for things to go sour. Feeling disappointed in myself, I started to cry again. The tears were warm, no trace of resentment. Normally, I would loathe myself for crying so many times in one day, but I really needed a good cry right now.

I cried into the cold air of my trailer, trying my best to be quiet so as not to disturb anyone. I didn't know how I would begin to talk with Phantom again, let alone apologise for what was said. I was worried our friendship was in shambles, that our bond was broken prematurely, but in a moment of clarity, I told myself that we would get over this. It was all just blown out of proportion. Eventually, my body wore out from the emotional turmoil, and I fell asleep in my regular clothes, subconsciously wishing for a better tomorrow.

*

The next morning, I woke up, sweaty with a pounding headache. My eyes were filled with crusty, yellow residue from crying myself to sleep. I flicked them out, disgusted. My clothes from yesterday were drenched in sweat and crinkled up from all the tossing and turning I did in my sleep. As I stumbled out of bed in search of fresh clothes, I thought about yesterday. I shuddered at my reflection in the mirror. I was looking just as terrible as I felt. I took a quick shower, washing off all the grime and any traces of tears left. I immediately felt better as I went to change. 

Now, my mind was swarming with ideas of what to say to Phantom and how I would even do it. Over text seemed like the safer option, but it also felt disingenuous. It was clear that I just needed to grow a pair and face him straight up. But would he apologise back? He was kind of the one who started this, after all. Did he even care about how he had made me feel? It seemed like he did, but I wonder just how much he cared. I fumed at the possibility that he was completely unfazed by the whole thing.

I dismissed those thoughts, realising it was truly foolish to jump to any conclusions. Talking to Phantom was the only option if I wanted real answers. As I was about to walk out of my trailer, I saw a piece of paper on the floor. It was most likely a note, seeing how it was neatly folded and had my name on it.

Mia cara,

It completely slipped my mind to tell you, but the Europe tour is coming to an end, meaning that we will all be going back to the Ministry in just two months' time. You are more than welcome to join us! If you accept this offer, you will get your very own residence within our walls! Maybe even a job offer? There will be no "breakfast assembly" today, as we are preparing to go to Bucharest.

Have a great day!
Love, Papa.

I smiled brightly, grateful that Papa Copia had taken the time to inform me in such a sweet way. He always made me feel so cherished and appreciated. There wasn't a single doubt in my mind that I wanted to join them in the Ministry. I previously thought that the Ministry was made up, but after hanging out with Ghost for these couple of weeks, I quickly realised that everything in their "lore" was, in fact, real. I was so excited to learn more about them, but I had to get back to the task at hand: talk to Phantom.

After a few seconds of psyching myself up and telling myself to stop being a whimp, I left the trailer. I looked around for Phantom, or any ghoul, really. I speedwalked, so hyperfocused that I almost passed Cirrus. She looked at me with her head tilted before speaking.