1. Hit or Miss

Chapter Sixty-Six

"Okay well," I began my tall tale of how I wound up seemingly distant from the folks. Dan was more than listening to me as I explained. "I um, never really been the member of the family that anyone really addressed." Dan cocked an eyebrow as I looked up at him. I sighed and knew I had to explain. "I felt like my significance was below radar. I was anyone's last resort, last call, last invite, I was always just, last." Dan's sigh told me he was taking it in, but very much so not okay with this. I watched his eyes grow sad to hear that this is what he was asking to hear. I looked back out the window into the sky fading from sunset to starry night. "My mother, for starters, she is away." I let if fall off knowing he would ask.

"Away, where?" Dan's soft voice was curious yet sounding hurt. I looked down then as I fidgeted with my fingers. Dan must have noticed me hesitating because he gently placed his hands over mine. I swallowed hard before forcing myself to just get it out.

"A year to the day, that I um actually met you, her brain sort of checked out permanently. Um, she struggled. She had alcoholism and it became too much for me to handle. I was raising my parent and there was no progress to be made. Well one day she um fell," I had to pause so my crying wouldn't begin. A plane was one of the worst places to have a meltdown. Dan hugged me tighter feeling me shudder. I turned to snuggle into him and more so hide my face. His hand gently ran through my hair as he gave me a second to recollect myself.

"I'm right here, baby. You can take your time." Dan soothed me quietly and I nodded slowly. I huffed after a moment and sat back up so I could continue. Dan kept a hand running through my hair and the other holding mine tight. Maybe it was really me holding his tight but I let the thought fade as I fought through to keep going.

"Okay, yeah, she fell, and I found her. She was still breathing, but knocked herself out. I called the ambulance and had to explain how poorly she took care of herself and they put her in a hospital, first." I didn't have to look at Dan's expression to know he was confused. "I say it that way because, well, second, came the rehab center. Yet, that wasn't her final destination." I breathed in uneasy and the hand that was once through my hair was now gently rubbing my back. I glanced to Dan whom looked pained to see me fight through this.

"Where did she end up, [Y/N]?" Dan asked softly. I nodded slowly remembering. The nurses, the doctors, the needle, the distant look in my own mother's face as I committed her and at the same time how she was drugged due to being intoxicated, but fought them all. I felt myself numbing almost as if I were reliving it.

"A nursing home." I said dryly. "She had no idea where we were, she never asked, I literally had no feeling of guilt or anything, I took her like an unwanted animal, and told these strangers, take her, there is nothing more I can do. I studied and researched and made sure the state couldn't fight me. Once I knew she would fail rehab, I found my window. She had been the age, and mental abilities were so slim, she was almost running on pure instinct." I bit my lip and looked to meet Dan's horrified face. He shook his head slow not believing it.

"Could you have done more? I mean was there any fucking way to save her?" Dan almost seemed louder but I had realized I had gotten so quiet, his normal voice seemed booming to me. I shook my head back and sniffled.

"Nope. I spoke to doctors and they all said it. She had destroyed herself and with not taking rehab to its fullest and then falling prior, she was gone. All that was going to be left was a confused, helpless, and angry shell. The only reason she knew who I was, was because she had become obsessed with me. I was barely allowed to leave and I just now, a year later, found out how to live for myself. I'm sorry Danny, I'm so sorry you had to hear this. I wish I could have had a better lie prepared." I sobbed quietly finally getting the first part out. Dan's arms protectively enveloped me in a hold and I found him rocking me. I fisted the back of his shirt and shook from just not having talked about it in so long. Dan hushed me a couple times before I relaxed. When I finally pulled away to look at him his thumbs were wiping the last of my leakage and his features were that of a man whom was heartbroken for the one he loves.