1. Hit or Miss

Chapter Sixty-Eight

"What?" Dan innocently asked. His devious smile told me he knew the answer as I stepped in with him close behind. I heard him shut the door as I made my way for a light.

"Watch where you step, um, with this place dark as shit and me have been gone, no idea how I left it." I warned him as I finally found the switch. My small living room illuminated showing off the white comfy couch, recliner in the left corner, and a couple end tables next to my flatscreen. Pictures hung around the walls of my family. The walls were a blue that always seemed to bring a calming feeling to me. I watched Dan study some of the pictures and heard him sigh.

"I noticed," Dan tapped on one of the frames after quietly examining it for a moment longer. It was a picture of my parents and I when I was little. We had been at my grandparents' house and it was right after Christmas. "None of these are recent, it's rather somber." Dan almost had a frown. I stepped next to him and studied the same photograph that had never moved since I had hung it up. The fire for getting to bed with Dan evaporated as I forced myself to see what he did.

"The recent ones, are non-existent. Pictures stopped happening as soon as the distances started." I quietly explained. Dan's arms pulled me to his chest comforting me. I rested my head on him and stared at the picture with him. He rested his head on mine as we silently swayed. I never would have made the connection that my loneliness shown through just a few pictures displayed. I sighed unable to hide my disappointment in all the years that were decreasingly great to me. A soft run of fingers through my hair caused me to look into a familiar pair of eyes. Dan's brown, gorgeous, orbs were looking down at me with such emotion. I glanced back to the frame and then looked down between us.

"[Y/N], I know you talked about it, but it just dawned on me. You mentioned friends as well. You said you had some, but they didn't like what you did. Where are they?" Dan innocently asked me as he slowly rubbed my arms. I shook my head just not wanting to answer that right now. "Don't tell me, 'no'. What happened there?" Dan sounded concerned again and I reached to take his left hand and led him to sit on the couch. Dan sat facing me and I faced him like when we had talked on the sectional in the grump space. I swallowed hard really not wanting to do this, but Dan patiently waited. He was cross-legged, and had folded his hands in his lap. I glanced up at his face before focusing back on his fingers.

"I wish I could say something normal, like, ya know, I was a terrible person and they all got sick of me. Unfortunately, it was the opposite, and I was too forgiving." I rested my head in my hands just slowly shaking it back and forth. This was going to make no sense to him, but he was the one whom asked. "You see, I um, I gave advice to anyone. I never had the heart to turn a soul away. I cared very much about them all. Just," I finally met his gaze and continued, "they never just wanted me. It's always been a doormat sort of thing. I got their burdens, I help them, and they just, go missing." I sniffled but was not near crying. The abandonment issues were more than just a few people walking all over me so by the time I had experienced it, I was long numb to the feeling. Dan finally took my hands in his and it was him who sighed unevenly.

"Wow." Dan spoke hoarsely meaning he was upset once again. I had for a second time rendered him speechless. I remained quiet just hoping he understood. "So you just," Dan looked from our hands to my eyes. I occasionally looked away just so I wouldn't tear up. "You literally lost all those people, family, and finally meet some friends to lean on, and instead, they use you. Yet you told us as if they existed and it was a thing!" Dan shook his head in disbelief. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to keep holding back tears. "Baby? Why in the world did you not tell us it was really like this? Why couldn't you even tell me?" Dan was getting ready to accuse me of a lie and I remained silent. I had been called many things and this was no different. Dan squeezed my hands and I looked into his hurt orbs. I couldn't take it then.