My One Regret (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Forty: Graduation

It's surprising how much things can change in just a year.

I mean, during my first semester here, I was a nobody.

Then, during my second semester, I became somebody.

And surprisingly, during my very last semester, I was a boyfriend.

But nothing is worse than saying goodbye.

And that was what I was doing today.

Saying goodbye to Blake.

It's hard knowing that he wouldn't be there to walk me to each period, or eat with me at lunch, because now he had college to do all of that in. He had Berkeley. And me? I had Redsen – where I would be stuck in for another year before I could go to college – and even then, I had no idea if I would even get accepted into any colleges that were near his.

The news had spread that Blake Brooks was going D1 at Berkeley, and for the last few days that he had at Redsen until his graduation, he was constantly surrounded by everyone – and by that, I mean everyone. Every moment with him alone was a moment I did not take for granted, knowing that from now on, times like these would be scarce.

Times where I'd just lay my head on Blake's chest and listen to the pattern of his heartbeats, times where he'd never leave me alone, times where he told me that he loved me to my face. Berkeley was far, far away from our little beach town, and my visits would be infrequent, and that's only if I could drive that many hours at all.

He was going into his first year of college – and I was going into my last year of highschool.

I would be lying if I said I didn't want to face the probability of him changing. I didn't want him to change so much that I wouldn't even be able to recognize the sweet, loving, tone of his voice, or the pattern of blonde hair that rested on top of his head. I don't know what college could do to a person – and I just hoped it wouldn't do anything to Blake.

With every moment that passed, with every graduate that came and went on stage, I couldn't help direct my attention towards every single little thing that was bothering me. After all I went through just to be able to skip class to come to his graduation ceremony, I should've been the least bit excited. But that was the exact opposite of how I felt.

Don't get me wrong – I am so, so happy for him. I can tell Blake's going to make it big. He's the type of person who never gives up until he gets what he wants. But a part of me's thinking that what if overtime, I'm not what he wants? All I want is for him to be happy – I'm sure of it. But I couldn't help the random combination of mixed emotions that felt like they were filling up my body.

Was I insecure?

Was I sad?

What would I be if I wasn't Blake's boyfriend? I feel like I'd be a nobody. I felt like I was inclosed tightly between the two people on either side of me, even though they were inches away. There was a sudden wave of nausea that passed through me, and I knew that the thoughts I was having were making me feel this way.

My hands were rubbing at my temples, with my head angled down, in an attempt to rid myself of self-deprecation, jolted up when I heard the announcement of a familiar name. A name that I knew by its familiar alliteration of the letter B.

Blake Brooks.

My mind was made up about his leave to go to college when I saw him stride up to the stage with so much confidence that it made everyone look at him with admiration, and with a smile so wide that it made it evident to everyone how he felt. His long, blue, graduation gown swayed with each step he took, and so did the tassel on his matching blue cap.