What have you done? || 🧠 || [Karlnapity Angst]

8

TW:
SH mention
Hallucinations/Nightmares [the hallucinations arent going to be in italic anymore, to not be confused with the nightmares/dreams]
Mention of suicide

--

I spent the rest of the day ranting about my life to Charlie.
And Schlatt didnt even appear! It was such a... good moment... if you could call it that
It was already the afternoon. He got me to eat an apple slice as lunch but I can just lie to Tommy and say that I ate something else

"Do you plan on going back to Kinoko Kingdom, Quackity?" He asks

I sigh "I cant go there... they banned me! They banned me from Kinoko."

"They? The two of them? Dont you think you are kinda overlooking the situation?"

"No matter who it was, I still cant go there" I yawned

"Are you tired? Already?" He spins around the room

"I had a rough day, Charlie... A break up, being banned of my country, I cut myself and I fainted in the bathroom. This is the most calm moment of today"

"Well, it could have been worse" He sits next to me on the floor

"Like what?" I look at his eyes

"What if they didnt even invite you to Kinoko? How would you feel?"

"Why wouldnt they invite me..?"

Charlie shruggs "I dont know. But what if?"

I started to think
What would I have felt if they didnt even invite me in?
I guess it depended in what the reason was. If it was because I was too busy or I was working on another country, I would understand
If they just didnt want to... probably hurt. Very hurt.
If they forgot about me... I would be even more hurt.

"You okay, man?" He asks "It was just a hipothetical question..."

"I was just thinking about it"

He gets up "Oh okay. Quackity?"

"What?" I also get up

"Why dont you believe in timetravel?"

I sigh "I just think its a weird thing! Why would it exist? Who knows about it?"

He shruggs

"It was a... nevermind. Why are you so consistent with these questions"

In response, he just smiles and chuckles, sitting next to me again
"I think Tommy will come back in a bit. Are you sure youll be fine?"

"Yea... yea.. I will. Dont worry about me"

"Okay! Ill go back to the hole in the floor now! Bye, Quackity!" Charlie got up and disapeared in the blink of an eye. How?

I also get up and fall in the bed. I dont need to change clothes or wash, I just wanted to fall asleep as soon as I could.
I was starving, I couldnt stop thinking about that... but gladly I was able to slowly feel myself sink in the bed, closing my eyes and falling asleep after just an hour

-Time skip..? Or maybe... not...?-

I got up in shock, sitting up in the bed. I could barely breathe, and I was sweating. I looked around to find two familiar people.
Karl and Nick

They wake up with my jump and dont hesitate to confort me
"Is everything alright, love?" Karl asks "Did you have a nightmare?"

I stared at his eyes. Was it a nightmare?.. If it was a nightmare it was one of the most lucid and long dreams I have ever had. It felt so real... and tragic...
The tears, the cuts... the feeling

I couldnt help but smile as their touch warmed my body and made me feel safe again. I felt happy for them being there. So I simply nod in response

"We are sorry you had to go through that" Nick kissed my cheek "We dont know how to help you to stop having those nightmares"

"You dont need to help me... just being here is enough" I caress his cheek

"You want some coffee to make you feel better? Or hot chocolate? Or just... water?"

"And maybe some blankets to make you feel good?"

"And maybe we can even watch your favourite TV show, right?"

"We can order your favourite food!"

"We can stay here as long as you want us to"

I blush as they keep offering to help "I dont know- I dont know if I need all of that!"

"We want the best for you"

"You do need all of that! You need all the love in the world! And we are trying to give it to you"

"We want to help! Because what would we do without you, right?"

"We dont want you to suffer. We are doing our best to try to help you feel good"

"We love you Quackity"

I laugh
"I love you too..."
"I love you"
"I... love you"
"I... love.... you"

They stop answering and they look at me. I start getting slightly worried but I just keep repeating the same three words. I love you.
I love you
I love you

"I love you"
I open my eyes to see the reality. The reality I live in. The reality I thought, for a second, wasnt real
I grab a pillow to try to hold me back from tears. But it wasnt able. Nothing was able to get me not to cry, not to miss them.

I collapse in tears, hugging a pillow and putting my hand on the wall to try to get some, even the slightest, confort. I imagined them to be one of my loved ones that was hugging me. It didnt work. Even though my mind has the ability to fuck up and create visions, I wasnt the one in control.
It was that damn motherfucker.

So when I was touching the wall, imagining it was someone else, Schlatt appears.
He touches my shoulder and I look directly at him "No! Leave me alone!"

He doesnt say a word, just floats closer and hugs me. I dont move, nor react. I was lost in imagination

He was the only thing I could feel other than that wall, so I couldnt help but feel uncomfortable, but still smiling and crying at the same time. I felt so much but the sadness was the biggest and worst one.

"Its going to be fine" He whispered
No it wouldnt. It never will

I nod. I couldnt say anything. It was like he had a hand over my mouth, making me unable to speak. To even open my mouth. I could only make noises

"Come on, it was just a bad dream"

I nod again and move my hand down, still stuck to the wall. I whisper the three words "I love you" to the air, not really having someone that could hear it. Other than Schlatt, of course. So he takes it
"You do?"

I nod. I couldnt hear anything, not even my own words. I could only repeat "We love you" in my mind. Those words... those goddamn words

Those words that I could kill to hear again. Kill someone, anyone, including myself.

I just want to feel that warmness of my body when they touch me again.
I just want to feel my face turning red because of stupid pick up lines again
I just want to feel loved and cared about again
I just want to be able to do my own things, on my own house, knowing that if I fuck up even the slightest, it would be fine, because they loved me enough to forgive me, again
I just want to feel good again
And I would do anything to get that back

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1260 words 😀