What have you done? || 🧠 || [Karlnapity Angst]

9

TW:
Hallucinations
Implied manipulation
Implied breathing problems

--

"Hey, love. I am here! Calm down" Schlatt whispered to me
I nod again. Thats the only thing I could do

He took my beanie away, making me react slightly, and started to brush his fingers through my hair
"Please... stop..." My weak voice finally spoke up

"Im trying to confort you"

I shake my head in a no "You arent... you are making me... feel worse" I try not to stutter

"This is what I get for being a nice guy. Fuck you and your nightmar-"

"NO!" I scream as I try to grab his arm and push him back
I didnt want him here, or anywhere near me. But he was my only source of even just a bit of confort. I couldnt let him leave
"Please sta-ay"

"Oh now you want me? You slut" Schlatt laughs at my face, but wraps his arm around me, so strongly that it was hard for me to breathe.

"How... do you that..?" I whisper

"Im not doing anything. You are just acting dramatic"

"But I feel you... dont I?"

He stays silent.
I still couldnt breathe normally. There was no way he wasnt doing something...

"I cant breathe" 

"Oh well, too bad. What the fuck do you want me to do?"

I try to take deep breaths as much as I can. I try to get up to open the window to get a cold breeze, since I was sweating and melting in the room
Shlatt follows me

I look at him "What?"

"What what? I dont have anything to do. So im just... following you" He smiled

I look at the outside. Not too much to be seen from Tommy's house, other than the old Lmanburg
I sigh

"Remember when we ruled that place?" Schlatt asks "It was so good"

"So good, yeah" I say, sarcastically "Imcredible even"

"Oh come on! You liked it at that time"

"Thats what you think, fucker" He rest my head on the window "I didnt like it. You forced me to do shit I didnt want! You forced me to-"

"And you never refused, did you?"

"Because if I did, you would fucking hurt me"

There was a uncomfortable silence between us. I was enjoying the wind from the window and Schlatt floated next to me. I played with my rings.

I still had those rings on my fingers. They meant a lot to me, I wouldnt just leave them. I never took them off, and im not planning on doing that any time soon.

This also happened when Schlatt died. I hated him, and always did, but for some reason it took me around a year to finally take the ring off without having some sort of emotional attachment to it.
I just know its going to be way worse with these rings. No matter how much I tell myself that its over, that I dont care anymore, that things will never be the same...

Maybe I should stop caring for real, like Charlie said. Maybe love isnt such an important thing after all. I mean, obviously it is, but maybe I have to find someone else.

No I cant. No one loves me. Why would they anyway... who would want a depressive, traumatised duck hybrid who needs emotional confort?

Well, then, I should concentrate in something else... like... uhm...
Shit. I dont know how to do anything that isnt related to Kinoko... but that was obvious...
Fuck. I feel like Im having a deja vu. I had this conversation before with Charlie, Im just repeating it.

What did he tell me to do?
Build a country. Like I have enough reputation for that. No way.

Maybe I should just live my life... without needing any confirmation or needing to better than anyone else

As Im lost in thought, Schlatt hugs me from behind
"You feel better?" He asks

I nod. The dream now felt distant from me. Like a forgotten memory of some sort
"You can see my dreams, right, Schlatt?"
I felt like he could. It was only my head after all, and he had appear in my dreams before.

But he doesnt respond. He buries his head on my neck and I sigh. I look up at the sky. A dark blue, filled with stars, sky with a beautiful view of the moon. I smiled at the pretty view

"Its 1am, do you want to go to sleep?"

"No, I dont... Im scared"

"You dont need to be scared"

I sigh and look at Schlatt. He smiled at me. I smiled back
"Why cant we be together? Like we used to be?" He asks

My smiled fades "Schlatt... you know I tried reviving you and it didnt work... and you know you manipulated me to do it. I didnt want to be with you"

"But why? I never did anything wrong! I helped you win the elections! Why cant you do me a favor back?"

"I did you a favor already! I stayed with you. That was our deal! Then you abused the power you had and then made me do whatever you wanted! We already fucking talked about this! Im NOT willing to argue with YOU about this STUPID PROBLEM"

"This isnt stupid, dear. The reason we keep talking about this is because you cant seem to understand that you are the problem here" He looks at me in the eyes "Stop lying to yourself, Alex, you know you liked it. You are just blaming me for making you feel good"

"I DIDNT LIKE IT! I NEVER FUCKING LIKED IT. YOU NEVER MADE ME FEEL GOOD. NEVER. NEVER!" I scream loudly. The silence appears back again.

Schlatt disappeared in a blink of an eye and I was alone.

I sigh. I cover my face with my arms and bite my tongue to try not to cry. I dont like screaming, I dont like hearing people scream, I dont like loud sounds in general

Screaming makes me feel stupid. It doesnt do anything, specially if there isnt anyone around you.
I tried screaming once.. or twice... or multiple times. But no one ever came to help me.
So I stopped. I stopped screaming for help and suffered in silence.
Like Im doing now.
Like Im going to do for the rest of my life...

Why does my mind always go back to other people. I feel like I am being used for other peoples sake.
I need to stop caring about people fast.

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1094 words!