The Girl Who Couldn't Kill

Chapter 17-Mind and Matter

Rory entered Philosophy class was a puffing breath and a beating heart stuck in her throat. She fought with Ajax in the morning and she did not want him to approach her or even see his face. She had wanted to physically strangle him until the thought unsettlingly started to haunt her.

She sat down at the seat next to him but moved her chair to the farthest corner possible to create distance between the two of them. Rory peaked through her peripheral vision, secretly hoping that he was looking at her. But to her disappointment, he was looking at his phone, not sparing her a fraction of a glance.

She knew she was in the wrong for yelling at him through the phone, she started to feel extremely guilty.

What Rory didn't know was that Ajax had found out about her secret and was in full avoidant mode. To her surprise, Ajax stood up and grabbed his bag to move to the seat in the front of the classroom. Rory was shocked and felt abandoned but nevertheless, she couldn't let her emotions show so she let her poker face win over for the rest of class.

Mr. Volkov started handing out papers for the students to write notes and pulled out the projector for a PowerPoint on Metaphysics.

"Rory, can you please give me a brief explanation of Dualism?" The question caught her off guard, leaving the words scattered in her mind.

"Y-yeah." Ajax didn't even bothered to look at her. "Dualism proposes that the mind and matter are two separate encompassing subjects. They react in different ways but interact to process information." She said without focus.

"And Ajax, can you give me an example of Dualism?"

"Um, good and evil. That also ties in with the concept of morality. How certain people do things that are morally right but have the wrong intentions, most of the time out of selfishness, whereas some people perform wrong deeds with the mindset of justice. Like murdering someone evil, for example, a criminal."

Chatter began and the class erupted in conversation about Ajax's comment.

"Quiet down class," Mr. Volkov said. "That was a good example, thank you Ajax." He said. "That's it for the notes guys, please get into your groups and start planning your debate for your next class."

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"Rory, can you please stay back for a moment please."

Ajax turned at the sound of her name and decided to linger at the door for a few moments before around the door.

Volkov wanted to speak to Rory again. This was the third time this week, Ajax found it weird that a teacher was focusing on her so much when the school policy was that if a student cannot catch up with their studies, a teacher should not force their motivation more than twice. It is ultimately their loss and inefficiency.

Ajax decided to stop around the frame of the door to eavedrop, standing with his phone to his ear to seem casual.

"I am worried that you have not been contributing to class Rory, you barely interacted with your group today."

"I did. I just spoke a minimal amount. I wrote a bunch of ideas though, if you would like to see."

"No Rory, I don't care about your notes, I care for your well-being." He said genuinely. "I noticed that you and Ajax weren't speaking."

"Yeah." Rory decided if she should tell Volkov about their fallout, he was such a caring teacher so she felt comfortable telling him a few details. "We had a fight about his past friendship with Connor."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Grieving can be hard, it can be difficult to process, especially in a situation like this." He said sympathetically.

"But he betrayed my trust, I didn't know that they were friends. I was inconsiderate with the things I said because Connor was an asshole to me." Rory felt her words bubbling out of her mouth like foam.

This was why she was mad? Ajax thought. Turns out, Rory was worried about hurting Ajax's feelings about his former friend rather than his deception. Ajax yearned to hug and argue with her at the same time.

"So you're saying you're ashamed of your actions?" Volkov suggested.

"Yeah, but I just ended up lashing out at him instead. Sometimes I do or say things opposite of what I mean. I just feel lost with my emotions, like I don't know what's true and what isn't."

"Sometimes the best way to deal with situations like this is to accept that there is no right answer. Even if something doesn't feel true, accept it for what it is and move forward. Just like the art of Philosophy, it takes time and contemplation, and one day you'll realize that everything you felt was meaningful."

What Mr. Volkov said was truly inspirational to hear. It made Rory feel better. "Thank you, Mr. Volkov. I appreciate you for saying that."

"No problem Rory, you're a good student. I hope that this awful nightmare ends soon, so you can get back on track. Don't stress too much about it okay?"

"Yeah, I hope this ends too."

"Right. Well, I'll see you next Monday. And remember do what brings you joy and don't let others stop you."

Rory smiled and turned to leave. Ajax bolted as soon as she heard her footsteps approaching and disappeared into the boy washroom.

She peered around the corner confused, assuming that she heard someone...