State Of Grace

Chapter 37 - Is It Over Now?

Nightmares relentlessly haunted her sleep; visions of Rachel's face turning red with fury, her eyes darkening when she found out that Gracie had let the secret slip to her brothers and sisters. Dreams of being ripped from her family by her birth father. Stella, and Lilah turning their backs on her when they heard of her deceptions.

Everything had started to fall apart faster than she could keep up with. Each step in her life had been comprised of choices, and no matter what she chose at which step, it would always result in suffering, either hers or the people she loved, but usually both.

She awoke with the sunrise in a pool of sweat, panting, she looked over at her sisters sleeping soundly in their beds, envious of their ability to find peace in slumber and resenting herself for disappointing them. She couldn't help but wonder if it would have been any better had she broken up with Rachel when she said she did, would her heartbreak have been worth it to keep them happy? She started to realize that she was suffering all along anyway; the guilt and shame of lying to everyone had been like a parasite, sucking the joy out of everything. It was probably just as painful as if she had allowed Rachel to slip away.

After a quick shower, she skipped out on breakfast and snuck out of the house undetected by her still-sleeping family. If she stayed, she'd have to face her lies head-on, and though she'd have to eventually, she couldn't do it without giving herself time to figure out a way to prove to her siblings that Rachel wasn't the person they thought she was. After walking the streets for a little while, nothing came to mind, so instead of turning back to go home, she took the opportunity to go and see Rachel, knowing it might be the last time.

She was aching to see her again, to feel her embrace, her kiss, just to be with her, but more than anything, she was desperate to talk about the week she'd had. She could tell her about Greg and Jasper, but she couldn't tell Rachel that three of her siblings knew about their relationship, it just might push her over the edge, and if this was going to be their last meeting, Gracie wanted to make sure it didn't end in tears, at least for Rachel.

They sat on Rachel's balcony watching the cars below pass by as the afternoon sun crept over the sky. Rachel was peaceful as she held Gracie in her arms, none the wiser that everything could be coming to an end. She caressed her hair with one hand while the other traced circles on the palm of Gracie's hand. Gracie was savoring the moment for as long as possible, wishing that somehow they could stay that way forever.

"How has it been going with your birth dad and your brother?" Rachel asked, turning to look into Gracie's eyes.

"Well, I still don't trust him, but I'm getting closer to Jasper which is nice. It's his birthday tomorrow and Greg invited me over for some kind of dinner thing, he said I could bring the Tuckers too," she said, "I think he's just trying to get on my good side, but I'm just gonna take it as my chance to show him who my real family is."

Rachel bit her lip, and Gracie knew she'd upset her by talking about the Tuckers that way, she changed the subject, "And how was the day at the beach? With Sarah," Rachel asked, "You never said." It was like she had forgotten how upset she was that day, how angry she'd gotten. Gracie saw it as a blessing that Rachel could move past it so quickly.

"Oh," Gracie said, she'd avoided the topic of Sarah since their argument over the phone, "It was good, we had fun," she nodded her head and forced a smile that Rachel saw straight through. She was usually able to lie to Rachel with as much ease as she did the rest of the world, but the past few days had caught up with her and the exhaustion was causing her to slip.

She felt Rachel's demeanor change as she sat up and pulled away, "Don't lie," she raised her eyebrows and her nostrils flared, "Is it Sarah?"

The last thing Gracie wanted was for Rachel to get upset with her again, but she had to tell the truth now, "She just doesn't get us," she released a shaky breath, "She still thinks you're bad for me, or whatever," she tried to brush it off, hoping Rachel would let it go.