Never feel alone

Chapter 16

(warning- this chapter contains some mentions of child abuse.)

Callie

The night before our therapy appointment, Sophia was quiet; she went right up to our room after dinner and stayed there.

After I helped Stef with the dishes, I went up to check on her. I found her on her bed, laying on her stomach, writing in her notebook. "Hey," I said. "What'cha doing?"

"Writing," she answered without looking up.

I couldn't help but smile a little. "I see that." I went over to her bed and sat down. "What are you writing about?"

She looked up at me. Her eyes were so dark, I could see a tiny me reflected in them. "You can look," she said, pushing the notebook a few inches toward me.

I patted her on the bottom, then stretched out beside her. I glanced down at her paper, and Brian's name jumped write out at me. She was writing about that night again

Now that everyone knows what happened, I thought it would be okay to keep my journal again," she told me. "Is it?"

I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "If it make you feel better, it's okay with me."

"It does make me feel better," she confided. "Kind of." She smoothed out the page in front of her. "It's like, getting it all out on paper makes me feel more in control, like I can finally face it."

"Then you should keep it," I said. "I'm sorry I ruined your first one, Soph. I didn't know it was so important to you."

I pulled the notebook closer and skimmed the first page. I read about how I'd sneaked out that night, and how Sophia started doing the dishes; how she was supposed to say I'd gone to bed early because I didn't feel well. I read about how Brian came into the kitchen and lured Sophia into his room. I stopped there, unsure if I wanted to go on. Just looking at it, I could tell she'd written in graphic detail. "You know, you never really told me what he did to you," I said quietly. "I know it's kind of uncomfortable to talk about."

"It's embarrassing," she admitted, fidgeting. "He did weird things to me."

"What do you mean 'weird things'?" I asked. My over-protective instincts perked up. "Sophia, he didn't put his thing inside you, did he?" I put my hand on her arm and gave her a firm look. "Tell me." I felt my heart speed up, thudding hard in my chest.

She shook her head hard, and her cheeks turned red. "No. Not that. But he did put his finger in me." She lowered her voice to a strained whisper. "It hurt."

I took a deep breath, relieved in a way. If he had raped her, he was lucky he was dead. I would have done much worse to him, myself. But at the same time, a lump formed in my throat and my heart ached, because my little sister had still been violated. Suddenly, I felt cold. I moved closer to her, so we were nearly cheek-to-cheek.

"You don't have to be embarrassed about it, baby," I said softly. I pressed another kiss to her cheek. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything to make it happen."

"I know that..." she sighed.

"Good," I said. "Don't ever forget it." I brushed back her long hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Did you know that he used to touch me, too?" I'd never told her anything about the sexual abuse that went on while she was asleep at night. I thought she was too young, and I wanted her to stay as innocent as possible for as long as she could. No easy feat growing up in the system.

She nodded. "Sort of. I mean, I kind of suspected it."

"I never wanted him to hurt you like that," I told her. "I wish it never had to happen to you. But I know what you're going through, Soph. So, you're not alone."