heartbeats. | Taehyung

Chapter three

c h a p t e r   t h r e e.

The days were disappearing into each other and you completely lost sense of what day or time you were in right now. Your mind was wandering wildly in any kind of direction possibly. The way you forgot about him when Taehyung was at your apartment a few days ago was the most painful of all these thoughts you had. But regardless of all these days you have been feeling more lonely than usual. Maybe Taehyung's presents and the way he was just around you gave some kind of comfort that you just hadn't realized compeletly yet. You really wanted to go out and on some days you even went so far, you got fully ready, trying out new make-up techniques, putting on your best perfume. Even trying to style your hair in, which you thought looked very pretty. You did feel pretty for a few minutes, just to see the photo of him in the mirror standing on the living room table, reminding you that you were just not allowed to be happy without him.

It was like he was always with you, telling you it could be fine to go out, meeting with friends or whatever but it was always the distant little voice in your head telling you how you could be so heartless and be happy, when he was all alone not being able to enjoy yourself. And the more you tried to ignore the thought and push up positive thoughts, the louder the voice became. It drove you insane.

The only thing to cope with was to scream at yourself in the mirror, pull on your hair and rip out the little clip-ons with very small white diamonds on them. You got them from him and in a way you thought it would be a way of taking him with you. But the effect you hoped for never set in. So you always ended up being a mess, huddling up on the couch, the make-up ruined, burning your eyes. It was horrific and probably even worse to look at.

You were sitting on the couch, all cuddled up in a thin blanket, watching some tragic drama when the doorbell rang, making you jerk. You just waited for the person to disappear and you were also waiting for someone you knew to make a comment if you please could open up the door. But instead, a little letter was shoved under the door. After a while it finally made you get up and pick up the letter from the wooden floor. This also randomly made you realize how you should definetly vacuum your apartment, probably even the bridge right around the corner was cleaner than your apartment. You looked at it in disgust before you got your attention back to the letter. You turned it around to look for any information about what it could have been or if this letter was actually for you. 

Just to double check you lifted up the letter holding it against the light, but you couldn't figure anything out this way. You decided to slowly open up the letter, being overly careful not to rip it, just in case you had to give it to one of your neighbors. Once you got it open you pulled out tickets and a backstage pass with your name on it. It wasn't just any concert tickets of some random Indie Band it was from the boys. You were more confused than excited than most people probably would be, but putting this aside you wondered if it was Taehyung that arranged that. You turned the ticket around to find a small note, but it was just a direction where you could unnoticeably get to the backstage area. The handwriting also didn't really seem familiar.

A scam? Probably. Was that a concern for you at this very moment? Absolutely not.

You had been backstage with boys many, many times before his death but also even before Taehyung's disappearing and the first thought that crossed your mind was that you absolutely wouldn't go.

For sure. There was no way.

You threw the tickets on the kitchen counter and went back to your miserable drama. While you continued to watch this absolutely tragic tragedy of some very unpopular indie drama for another hour you realized how bad it was. "My God–" you couldn't watch this any longer and reached out for the remote to turn it off. Maybe you felt such discomfort watching it because deep down you were looking at these concert tickets, and couldn't wrap your head around why and especially who would have given them to you. The only person that your mind was always leading to was Taehyung. He was the only actual conclusion that made any sense to you whatsoever.