Error Number: 505

18 - altruism

Eleanor's POV:

I am a terrible person.

I'm a toxic person who doesn't let my siuationship feel good about her escape that she genuinely needs.

And as I sit on the floor of one of the phone stations and I hear it ring, I can't help but think I'm terrible for this.

I should just let her fucking live.

"Hey, Ellie!" She says laughing.

"Hi. I'm sorry are you with your friends?" I ask.

"I'm always with my friends! What's up, love? Are you alright?"

"Yeah it's just phone call time and I just wanted to see what you were up to."

"Oh! Oh oh oh! Yeah, um, I'm drunk, Ellie."

"Oh."

"Just typical Wednesday fun! Woo!" She says. "I miss you, Ellie. I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"No! No you're not supposed to say that over the phone while drunk!" Imani says.

"Oh. Well, I said it. Now what?" She asks.

I laugh.

"It's okay, Eden. Am I on speaker?"

"No! No no. No. I miss you. Like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you when I ended us. I just... we need to heal separately. Right, Charlie that's what you said?"

"Yeah," Charlie replies.

"I understand. My therapist told me the same thing."

"I wanna hold you, baby. I'm sorry. You're probably hurting. It's okay. I am too I promise."

"December!" I whisper, voice breaking.

"Oh, no I made you cry. Oh no." I hear a door open and then shut. It goes silent, and then another door opens and shuts. A bed creaks.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Ellie. I miss you. I wanna hold you. I'm sorry. Please don't cry."

"It's okay! It's okay, Eden. I understand why you did it. Trust me, okay? Joan and I are working on my toxic tendencies. I've recognized them and I know why I do them I just have to work on fixing them."

"That's so good!" She says voice breaking. "That's really good I'm so proud of you!"

"Yeah. Thank you. Don't cry either, Eds. It's okay. I'm okay I promise. I don't feel like I'm going crazy anymore. I forgot to tell you that I started meds last week too. So I'm doing okay."

"You sound really distant," she whispers.

"I'm sorry. I am, yeah. I didn't wanna ruin your night I'm sorry. I've just had this feeling that I'm a terrible person."

"Terrible people don't ponder if they're terrible," she says softly.

"I guess," I whisper.

"No, Ellie. You're not a terrible person."

"Thank you," I say.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"I do! I do I do I swear I just- um, yeah."

"Okay," she says.

"Okay," I say.

"Bye, Ellie," she says.

"Oh- bye Eden." She stays on the phone. I don't say anything, and neither does she.

"Are you there?" I ask, breaking the silence.