Error Number: 505

05 - heal

Eden's POV:

My mom comes down the stairs while I'm cooking dinner and sits at the island. I look at her and smile.

"Hey. Can we talk for a second, buttercup?" She asks.

"Of course, momma," I say.

"You wanna go to the deck?" She asks. I smile.

"Yeah. I just put it in the oven, we have about 30 minutes."

"That's enough time." We go out to the back and sit on the swings my dad built for CeCe and I. When we were actually close in age and played outside.

"So.. about me and Kila." I look at her.

"I don't want you to think I don't love your dad. Because I do. I do, Eden. But I.. I've always had this love for Kila." She meets my eyes.

"I think you can understand that. Right?" I nod. I can. Whenever I have another crush besides Ellie, she's always in the back of my head.

"I can," I say.

"I guess.. it was like that. And I reacted the way I did.. because no matter how much I thought about.." she pauses and looks at me.

"Leaving dad for her. Doing unspeakable things to her," I say. She nods.

"I never did. I never hurt him. And he knew that. He told me he noticed the way I looked at her. And he's always known. But I never, ever cheated on him. Because I loved him." Her voice breaks. Tears fall.

"I guess.. what I'm saying.. I didn't mean to put you in the middle of it. Saying that you never cry and that he made you feel that way. I'm sorry, buttercup."

"It's okay, mom. You've done so much for me and CeCe and.. yeah he's an asshole."

"He is. But I don't want you to hate him. That's your father, sweetheart and he loves you."

"But I do hate him, mom I don't understand how he could hurt you like that?"

"I'm glad he did, Eden," she whispers. Her lip quivers.
"I'm hurt.. but.."

"You had sex and it was amazing. Yes, mom I heard." She laughs and wipes her tears.

"Shut up, Eden!" She says. She looks at me.

"Tell Ellie you like her. Because if you don't she's gonna end up marrying a white man from the church. And you're gonna get a Christian Christmas card that she's always pregnant in." I laugh.

"Mom!" I say.

"I'm being so for real, Eden. That girl has religious trauma. And other trauma. And I saw right through her." I look at her.

"Can I tell you a secret?" She nods.

"She's gotten raped by her pastor. I.. I hacked her phone." She looks at me. Stares at me for a second.

"You hacked her phone." I nod.

"I know how to do it. And I did.. and I saw.. and I can't stop thinking about it.. and it makes me sick to my stomach. What do I do?"

"You talk to her about it. I mean.. it would be better if she told you, but you can say you just know. Cause.. I knew. She's going through PTSD. I see it in patients all the time."

"How do you do it?" I ask.

"Do what."

"Do surgery on patients. Watch them die." She sighs.

"Oh, buttercup. I try to turn my emotions off. But that never works. It's just.. you have to hope that.. they make it."

"I mean.. you can't control anything that happens. You don't know if there's gonna be a complication or if their body is gonna reject something or- whatever it is. But.."

"Hope. I have a lot of hope. I go in there optimistic." I smile.

"I aspire to be like you, mommy."

"What do you want to be when you grow up, sweetheart?"

"I don't know. Can I say that? As a senior?" I ask.
"I know it's not ideal.. but honestly I'm just grateful I'm alive, mommy."

"I know. I know, sweetheart. I'm grateful you're alive, too. You don't have to know. You can live with me for as long as you'd like."

"I think.. I don't know. I like drawing, I guess." She smiles.

"You did apply to quite a few art schools," she says.

"Yeah. I mean.. I guess. I don't know how I'll make a living out of that. An art teacher, maybe? I'll still be broke- but."

"I always have your back, buttercup."

"Hi Maria!!" Adina's mom shouts from her yard. My mom smiles and waves.

"Hey, Nicki! Watch for my phone call, okay?!" She shouts.

"I got you girl!" She shouts. My mom blows her a kiss and then looks at me.

"I love her," I say.

"Who? Ellie? Or Nicki."

"Both," I say. She smiles, stands up, and kisses my head.

"I love you buttercup. But I gotta go. Night shift.. again." I smile.

"I'll come and see you if I'm still up."

"You know I'll appreciate it." She goes inside, and I stare at the grass for a second.

"Hey!! Eden!" Nicki shouts. I go up to the gate.

"Have I ever told you you're my favorite white person? Your mother doesn't count since she's half.. but you? You're my favorite."

"Are you drunk, Nicki?"

"Yes. You're so pretty."

"Thank you!" I say. "So are you."

"Oh, I know that honey. But thank you."

"Mom, come on!" Adina says, coming out.

"I'm having a conversation with my favorite white girl! Can you not?! Fuck! Can you bake me a salted caramel apple cookie? Cause if it's one thing you know how to do best, it's bake."

"Okay but you know how to cook good too. But like.. them fucking cookies. Can you make them?" I nod.

"Yes, Nicki I can," I say.

"Mom. Stop. Come on! I'm sorry, Eds." They go inside. I laugh and go inside to an empty house. My mom is at work. CeCe is at work.

I'm.. alone.

Usually, I'd go mope in my room. And I kind of really want to. I feel so lonely. I work on a different schedule than my family. On weekends, I work mornings. I get home in the afternoon and make lunch for my mom and sister.

And then I clean the house for my mom. Do her laundry and make sure she's up to date on all her bills. If not, I pay them for her.

And then at night, when I'm getting ready for bed, they wake up. The three of us talk in my room for maybe 30 minutes before they have to go. They drive to work together. Bond any chance they get.

"Mom?" I say, holding the phone up to my ear.

"Yes, buttercup?" She asks. I hear CeCe's laughter in the background. It makes me wish I was there.

"Are you far away from home?" I ask.

"No. 10 minutes, give or take. Why?"

"Can I come to work with you? I'll stay out your way, I just-" she cuts me off.

"Of course, baby I'm on my way."

A/N - I finished this part hours ago and forgot what I was gonna say- now I'm on the phone with my best friend doing homework we've been putting off since this Friday.

I love you! 💖

(This is your sign to do your homework. Get up and do it.)