The lucky one

Chapter 20

The next week felt like hell. I didn't eat most the week, and I barely showered, because I couldn't bring myself to get up. Summer told me she was going to come over today though so I forced myself to have a shower. I only realised now how untidy my room was, but at least everywhere else was tidy. I got into the shower and washed my hair and everything. 

I got into some clean clothes and then I heard a knock at the door. I went to open it and my best friend was stood with flowers and a bag of chocolates. "Oh wow Sum" I gasped. "God Stell you look ill." "I feel ill." I told her. "I have felt sick the whole morning." I added. "You need to do something about this Stella, your gonna make yourself really ill." She seemed super concerned.

"How about we just go food shopping?" She asked. "I don't need anything." I replied. She went and looked into the cupboards and fridge, which were full. "Stella have you not been eating?" She asked. "Not really. I just don't feel like it, and besides I am losing weight so it's good." Summer's face went really concerned.

"Stella, eat. It's not good." She was speaking firmly now. Like my mom again, but I didn't mind, I really wanted my mom right now. "I can't, I feel sick." When I said the words, it seemed  to get worse. "Your so pale." She looked at me. I felt super sick at this point and I decided it was probably best to go to the toilet. I made a dash, with Summer trailing behind. I got to the toilet and threw up. "Oh my god Stella, do not tell me your pregnant?" She asked. "No, I just had my period." I couldn't even imagine being pregnant right now. "Then it's because your not eating. Let's go to your favourite food place. What about Mcdonald's?" She suggested. It was a good idea because I did really fancy a big mac. "Okay." I agreed. Her face lit up.

We got into Summer's car and she played some music. Luckily none of it was sad, I think I might of cried in her car if it was. We got to Mcdonald's and went through the drive through. "This is so good oh my god." Summer smiled. "Good, but you need to eat Stella, and you need to eat good." While she was talking I spotted a paparazzi. Since Summer's car was a convertible car, they could look right at us. "Oh fuck sakes." I put the big mac back in the box.

"What?" Summer was confused. "Paps." I replied. She turned around and spotted them. "Who cares?" Summer clearly was more confident. "Eat Stella." She looked at the other half of my burger I just put in the box. "I can't." I grabbed my chips I hadn't even started on and the burger and my coke and got out the car. "Where are you going?" She shouted. "The trash." I replied. "Stella no, eat it." She shouted but I carried on walking and threw it all in the trash, and then walked back to the car.

"Stella stop. This is really concerning now." I got a bit fed up of listening to Summer. "Summer you stop, I'm fine. I'm just not hungry, and that's fine." She seemed shocked. "Let's just go home." I added. The drive back was silent. When we finally got back to mine I got out the car. "I'm sorry Summer." I needed to apologize because at the end of the day it wasn't her fault. "It's okay, just take care of yourself." I nodded and we waved each other off. 

I got inside and when I shut the door I fell to the floor in tears. I didn't understand why it was all going wrong. Lucas had done this, and then now I was struggling to eat. I would never understand it. I just knew I needed to be alone.

That night I went on another walk on the beach. While I was there I saw this guy with two kids and it felt like a bee sting. It reminded me of Lucas and the girls and how it was only two weeks ago I was sat here feeling the happiest I had ever felt, and thinking about how fun it would be too have a family with this boy, and now I was sat crying. 

I got back in to see mom had called me. I called her right back and she picked up immediately. 

"Stella, I'm coming home." 

"Why?" 

"I need to. Your clearly not in a good way. Don't worry, it's not affecting the tour." 

"You don't need to, I'm fine." I lied. I just didn't want to make mum come home. 

"Estella Swift. Summer called me. You've not been eating. Trust me baby this needs to stop immediately."

"I can't" I teared up. 

"Go to bed, I'll be home in the morning, I love you so much." Mum ended the phone call.

I was a slight bit happy that mum was coming home. I went up to my room and I thought about messaging Lucas. I felt like he needed a punishment, and what he did was really messed up, but I didn't want to move on from him. He was the only person that could make me feel so loved. Whenever he was round I felt safe, and I have never felt such love for anyone.

I decided I just needed to work on myself and then possibly become friends with him again. I just didn't think I was ready for him right now.