LIGHTWEIGHT

Chapter 8: Denial

I thought reading might take my mind off of everything for a while, just like it always does. But even Arthur Rimbaud's sweet words can't get through me. You know that your mind is somewhere else when you find yourself reading the same page over and over again. You understand each word perfectly but the sentences just don't make sense. The feeling is uncomfortable and I frown a little before closing the book and putting it back in my purse.

I take a look around the waiting room and let out a long sigh. What the hell am I doing here? It's Friday and I'm outside Dr. Larkin's office. My mom thought I was relapsing when I told her I had arranged another session in the same week. She's worried and I don't blame her. Just a few months ago I was begging her to let me stop the sessions. Now here I am, seeing him twice in the same week because I feel the need to do so.

I don't feel like I'm going to relapse any time soon but I still want to see Dr. Larkin. After spending the night with Liam last week, I've been kind of distant and before I make myself go even crazier, I need help putting words on my feelings.

I feel awkward being around him and I'm not sure why. I guess being with him in that way pushed our relationship to the next level and I can't see myself settling in whatever chemistry there is between the two of us. I'm not in that place yet where I can commit to anything too serious because who knows when I'm going to lash out again. I've made enough people suffer in my life and I don't want Liam to be collateral damage.

I'm checking the time on my phone when the door on my left opens and two people come out. I instantly recognize Nate who's smiling at the lady and shaking her hand. I look down in hopes he won't see me even though there's no way he won't notice me. I feel really embarrassed to see him here and I'm thinking he'll feel the same way when he sees me.

"See you next week Dr. Duke. I'm glad we had this talk."

The door closes and I prepare myself to face Nate. He turns his face and I catch his eyes looking down at me with an expression that I can't read.

"And so we meet again Carter Young." he steps a little closer and puts his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, "You know, I think this is God's way of telling us we're meant to be."

I don't reply, still feeling a little uneasy about this whole situation. I give him a little smile and Nate grabs my hand, pulling me up from my chair.

"Come on, it could be worse. We could have met at a drug store. While you're deciding on what condoms to try next," he frowns, "And now I have this very uncomfortable image of you and Liam doing the deed," he says with a laugh and I can't help but laugh as well.

"I have yet to try a few more actually. Once I do that I'll get back to you." I feel better already. I like how Nate manages to take away all of my nervousness and for a second I even forget where we are.

As we are both smiling, Nate's face gets a little tensed and he clears his throat. I can feel the uncertainty in his eyes and without any thinking, my right hand reaches for his arm and I squeeze a little, letting him know that it's okay.

"You must be wondering what's wrong with me. First the hospital and now a shrink. This doesn't look very good for my case."

"Hey, you could say the same thing about me," he smiles gently and nods, "I'm not judging you Nate. Whatever the reason behind all of this, it doesn't change a thing about you or our friendship."

"Ouch." He says as he brings his hand to his chest. "I've officially been friendzoned. That hurts."

I hit his arm. "Can you be serious for two seconds? I'm trying to have a moment with you." I let out in a giggle.