Choosing you

Chapter 16

Eddie's POV:

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't fucking do this.

I can feel my fucking skin crawling, my teeth aching, my head pounding. Every time anyone talks to me, I want to bash my fucking brains in...

I'm trying to hide it, I don't want Maddy to see. I can't let her see the weakest part of me, the part that thinks he needs it to function. But at this moment all I can think about is getting high, my body is craving it, it feels like invisible strings are pulling me towards it. I promised to go to rehab, I promised to get clean but the addict in me is telling me to refuse. Begging me to give in to the temptation.

I've been stuck in this damn hospital for days waiting for them to release Maddy. Days of her disappointed stare, the disapproving stares of all of our friends. And here I am waiting on her hand and foot, begging for any sort of forgiveness. Meanwhile I'm wondering if this is even worth it, is she worth it?

No, Eddie stop! That's the drugs talking.

Of course she's worth it, she's the love of my life. I would do anything, be anything for her. I can't live without her. The withdrawal has been absolute hell compared to the first time. It feels like my entire existence is being dragged through what I can only imagine as pure torment.

I'm tired of being tormented. I just want this all to end....

"Eddie!" Steve shouts, interrupting my internal monolog.

"What!" I snapped, instantly regretting it once every head turned in my direction. I cleared my throat and quickly apologized, earning a hesitant nod from Steve before he rolled his eyes and turned his back to me.

"You okay?" Robin asked in a quiet whisper. Robin and I haven't always been super close but she's been the most understanding during all of this, I've been able to open up about how I feeling instead of burying it out of shame.

I'm thankful she doesn't look at me the way everyone else does. Like absolute scum...

"Not great.." I sighed hanging my head down. I gripped my hands tighter to stop the shaking.

"Walk with me?" She motioned to the door with her head and reached for my hand. I instantly jerked my hand away and shook my head. "Why?"

"If I get out of this chair, I'm getting high." I said a little louder than I anticipated, catching everyone's attention. Including the same disappointed stare I've been dreading, I longed for her to look at me the way she used too, I'm not sure I'll ever see that look again. Anxiety rose in the back of my throat, sweat dripped down my forehead, I felt like I couldn't breath.

It must have looked like it too. "Eddie?" I couldn't tell who was talking, it sounded like they were a thousand miles away from me. The room spun around me and my chest felt tighter and tighter. A hand landed on my shoulder causing me to jerk away from the unwanted contact.

"Eddie?" I heard the muffled voice again, only this time two hands grabbed my face, two hands I'd been yearning to feel on my skin again. When I finally made eye contact with her I panicked. I jerked her hands away from my face and pulled away.

"No, no, no, no, no." I muttered as I stood from the shitty chair that became my bed and rushed out of the room.

"Eddie!"

"Eddie where are you going?"

"Eddie please don't leave me!"

I ignored the calls of my friends, I ignore that love of my life pleading with me to stay, running fast on my feet through the halls of the hospital; finally breaching the front doors into the fresh air. I move further and further away from the entrance with each sharp breath I take.