The search for love

Chapter 2

It all started with my first kiss. Ususally when you have your first kiss you should feel something like "happy" or "excited". I had my first kiss on my 16th birthday with my best friend at the time. Bell. Her and I were great best friends but have sadly grown apart after me being too nice and her, well I don't know about her.

Bell was a girl I met at school when she came to see the school I was at. She had blond, long curly hair, pretty brown eyes and she had a great body. She was funny and kind but also somewhat dumb when it comes to getting a partner and also most importantly she was mean.

We got to talk by her asking what page we were on in English class. I know, basic. What else did you expect? We were friends in a few hours and besties in a few days. We were rocking when it comes to our friendship. But I started getting a crush on her. Sucks for me because I was out her league, or so I felt.

On my birthday, we went to the downtown area together. She faught me with the deadly weapon of ice cream, trying to get my face. After all that hanging out we have gone to the city's castle and took some picture there. After we took our picture the sun has almost set. We sat down and enjoyed the sunset. Staring right at it. Then she turns: "I decided that I will take your first kiss". At the time I had never kissed anyone before. I didn't know how to react. Then she kissed me. I felt, loved and happy. If I only knew how it would have ended, I would have turned away for good.

We had our ups and downs obviously, that happens when you are together or even just friends with someone. I will admit I was a handful, despite the fact I didn't have anyone else to turn to when it comes to how I felt. From arguments to deep talks to mental issues, we have been through all of it. And I did truely love her. Did she start cutting me off more and more? Yes, I still stayed the kind person she met on the first day. I guess she grew tired of me. Until today I try to fix it somewhat but without any hope. We still understand each other and talk once in a blue moon. She did do me somewhat dirty though:

She asked me to go to the nearby club with her. I didn't think much of it. Bell, her friend and I decided to go and they had a great time. But I was left on my own even if it was my first time. I didn't know it was normal as a guy to be left alone because the girls you went with are dancing and making out with other guys. It hurt knowing that and she knew that aswell. Making out in the club bathroom with a guy she just met while her friend is out dancing and I had no way of getting with some girl because first, it was a spanish event so everyone only spoke spanish. I am spanish but I can't speak it, ironic I know. Secondly because whoever I tried talking to wasn't interessted. That was fine and all. I decided to go at 2am after being alone for 3h+. Kira, her friend came up to me and checked up on me since I was leaving. I said I wasnt feeling it and I was alone so whats the point. Then I left.
Some would definetly say: "Oh you shouldn't feel bad it is normal and also stop being so soft", I get it. I mean that is what people go to the club to. It made me feel just alone, I hate that. Always have...

Ever get the feeling of "It's too good to be true"? Think about the last time you had that feeling, it can be as innocent as getting to the bus on time but you miss it. Or it can be having someone and then that person disappears for whatever reason. Death, family issues or anything really. Well I had that feeling with her. On my last day of school before summer break, she texted me: "We need to talk". I got that feeling of something bad is about to happen. Did I do something? What did I do wrong? That anxiety of me having done something wrong kept increasing. I told her to call me after school and when she did, here is what she said: "So I will be honest, I really like you. Actually I love you and I want to be yours." All that anxiety for something that seemed so impossible to even happen. The person I wanted for god knows how long wants me. But, it was too good to be true. When she told me that, she was together with how she called him "mafia boyfriend". Reason she called her that is because he appearently was in a gang but not in a mafia. I honestly did not understand why she told me she liked me and that she wanted to break up with him to be with me. She already knew I liked her at the time. She did eventually break up with him and now we can be together and build a great relationship, right? Wrong. When I did ask her what the plan was because she had never mentioned us getting together again, she had gotten another boyfriend. So lets summarize this: False hope, invested love wasted and my trust towards her has disappeared. Of course it hurt. It was my first heartbreak. Did I get over it and decided that it was better it ended like that? Yes. It was a shame though but it is what it is. I say that a lot for some reason.

We decided to stay friends and call it a day after I told her in a dumb how much I hated that. She even gave me a christmas present which was a photo album of us, with a letter. The letter hit me different for some reason, bringing me back to the good and bad we have been through afterall.

So thank you Bell, for all the good times we had and the annoying shit we had been through as "best friends". I hope life leads you to the right path and I shall continue on mine...