The search for love

Chapter 3

I moved on. That is a good thing. Being able to move on from something like a heartbreak will help you develop yourself and open up to other options. Through a few friends I had found my next love, Kim. She was older than me. Ignoring I was 16 turning 17 at the time. I don't know exactly how we even got to where we were. I guess you could say it sparked.

Kim was a kind, mature woman. She just happens to be Bisexual, which backfired on me. I will get to that later. She just finished secondary school and was about to attend college to become a nurse. Funny considering I want to become a doctor once I am done.

Her and I, when we were friends was quite an experience. We went out for hours on end, we bought Red Bulls, laughed, got drunk etc. She had a female best friend that would join us often and her name was Dom. Dom also had a crush on me and she was that tough Tomboy with a few issues of her own. We all had issues but back then I wasn't as educated on mental health eventhough, I had Psychology class on honorary level. Dom had scars, many of them. I was concerned and worried once her and I got to talk in private and she opened up to me. She was suicidal it turns out. Obviously being the caring person I was I looked after Kim and Dom. Kim had the issues of Self harm herself, but she was able to hide it. Dom on the other hand, did not. I appreciate people opening up to me, it just turned my stomach hearing it from 2 people I cared alot about at the time.

Enough about their back stories. While we were friends, I remember hanging out with them one night and drinking with them. We sat by the nearby river, made us a few drinks and relaxed. Talking about everything in existance. I clearly remember sitting on that exact bench with the best view into the sky and just feeling the moment. Then suddenly Kim puts her leg on mine, Dom does the same. We were laughing and making jokes about it when Dom "slipped" and said: "He's so adorable". I look at her in confusion as I haven't done anything to be adorable. She blushes and Kim just agrees, giving Dom a very mean and somewhat jealous look. I didn't know what to say and in the heat of the moment I stayed silent. I was nervous and somewhat flattered. It was crazy for me that someone thought I was cute, handsome or good-looking aswell.

Then Dom gets up and drunkenly wanders around us. Then she says: "I had enough", and walks up to the river. Kim gets up in panic and tries to keep Dom from jumping into the river, which was several meters down. enough to knock one out and then for that person to drown. I also get up in a hurry and decide to take her down, due to the fact she was actually going to do that. I did not want to see someone I care about do that to themselves. I calmly tell her it is okay and that we are here for her. She should not do this, it is not worth it. Even if she does feel alone, she is not. After she had calmed down and I had given her a hug, I sit up on the ledge and had a mental breakdown. I cried hard. Kim saw me crying hard but she stayed with Dom to make sure she did not wander off, she was not far from me, so she texts me instead. "Hey, are you alright?". I replied: "Yeah I'm fine, Take care of Dom. I'll be right there". I gathered myself and walk up to the two of them. We decided to stay a little longer, bring Dom home and go home ourselves. I didn't have alot to drink so I wasn't even drunk or tipsy. I go home and lay in my bed, wondering if I could have prevented what had happened and how I can help both. It was alot of pressure but I wanted to help. Kim calls me and to my suprise, she was being more affectionate than she already was. Almost dominant if you will. She wanted to check up on me and also asked if we could sleep on call. I said sure and we went to sleep.

The days after that were just me and Kim. Same hanging out and so on. Dom was in a psychiatry, which she voluntearly went into. It made me glad she was getting the proper, professional care she needed. As it turned night, Kim and I were hanging out in a more quiet area and she turns to me: "Jaiden, can I tell you something". Obviously I said yes and she replies "I love you". I thought she meant it in a friend way. No, she actually loved me, or so she said. She kisses me. I could not resist. But I was so unsure about our age difference but it was fine as she was only 18. At the end it was fine since the age difference wasn't huge.

How did the relationship go? Well, endless calls, opening up, a thousand dates, being lustful at times and plain basic if you will. I trusted her with only a few thing when it comes to personal topics, including my mental health. I was struggling with Depression myself since then but it did not stop me from doing sports and so on. But it hindered me from being as good as I used to be. One day she starts and argument about me not being open enough. I cracked under the pressure and told her if she is really rushing me to open up like that and it is taking me a long time to open up, maybe she should find someone better. Plot twist: She did. I wasn't the best person here either. I was kinda stand-off-ish and was not willing to open up. I stayed kind but when I had to be serious, I was.

Then she blocks my number but does not block me on Snapchat. I decide not to text her as she may need to cool off and I can go apoligize to her. The same night she tells me "Its over". I broke. I wanted to apoligize for being rude earlier. I couldn't even do that. I wanted to keep trying but at the end it didn't work. "It happens, I'll get over it", I told myself.

So that is the end of that relationship, Kim, thank you for the lovely experiences we had and I hope your life is going well for you as I keep making it well for myself. And Dom, I hope you have recovered and find, what you wish to find in life.