After the Sun Sets (18+)

CHAPTER 12a - Lust pt.2

Lora rang the doorbell. She patted her hair and fixed her sweater. She knew she was blinking rapidly and taking several deep breaths to calm the heavy beating in her chest. Her mind was on overdrive and numb at the same time. Her whole body was sore. She was scared and giddy and shamed and victorious. She felt stupid and enlightened, finally understanding what all the fuss was about. In doing something so unthinkable, she realised that she wasn't as frigid as she often accused herself of being. In doing something so lethal, she found how alive she was capable of feeling.

Her senses were heightened to a degree of paranoia. She jumped as the door opened revealing her brother wearing pyjama trousers and a dark, grey hoodie. "Hey, Baby Sis," he greeted lazily.

For some reason, the term bothered her. She did not feel like a baby tonight. She felt like she had plunged into adulthood and she wasn't sure she liked it.

"Sorry, I'm late. I stopped for something to eat."

She wasn't lying. Owen wouldn't let her leave before she ate every strap of spaghetti on her plate. Maybe that's why she sounded so sure and confident and not terrified at all.

Wayne waved her off. "It's okay. They're sleeping. I'll help you take them to the car so you don't wake them."

They walked through the hallway and Lora's heart glowed at the sight of her babies, their little heads resting against each other, tiny chests rising and falling slowly. They looked perfect. Innocent and untroubled. Wayne gazed at them wistfully. "Are you sure you don't want to leave them here?"

Lora was tempted to say yes. She needed time for herself. She had a lot to figure out. So many thoughts to organise. But the guilt swept in like a flood and stopped her from accepting Wayne's offer. She had already been incredibly selfish tonight. She couldn't upset her children's life any further. They needed to go back to normality, or at least what was normal for them.

"Thanks, but Jona's better. I can handle it from here and well, they must miss home. Where's Janet?" she asked sounding surprisingly casual as she threw Aiden and Siena's school bags over her shoulder and scooped up Siena gently. The little girl put her arms around her mother's neck without even opening her eyes.

Wayne picked up the remaining duffel bag and carried Aiden, who merely stirred for a second and went back to sleep. "She's sleeping," he replied, avoiding his sister's eyes.

Lora walked outside and up to her car. She clicked it open and set Siena comfortably in the back seat tightening the safety belt around her. Wayne followed suit and closed the door softly.

"How is she already asleep? It's only eight o'clock," Lora exclaimed, unable to keep the concern out of her voice. The worry grew in her stomach remembering their last conversation.

"Yeah," he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. "We sorta' had an argument."

"Oh, Wayne."

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

Lora sighed. She hated seeing her brother like this. To everyone else, he may have seemed cold and stoic, but she knew he was a marshmallow on the inside. "Take it easy on her, Wayne. Janet is not going through a good time."

"Oh, and I am?" he countered. "We both lost a child, Lora. How do you think I feel? Every day I come from work and she's either sleeping or at the table right where I left her. The house is a mess, the cupboards are empty and everything is falling apart. I don't really care about that but we're stuck. Today, I asked her when she thinks she'd be ready to, you know, give the baby thing another go, and she flipped."

"She just had a miscarriage, she needs time. She's not even physically ready to-"

"She's thirty-six! We don't have time," Wayne cut in, shocking Lora completely with his words. Her brother wasn't like this. He was usually very sensitive and cautious. "I want a family and she said she wanted one too."

"You didn't say that to her, did you? Wayne, Janet is your wife and she needs you now more than ever! Try to see it from her point of view. She's already feeling horrible about what happened, a woman always blames herself. Always! And then you come home, the person she loves most in the world and who wants nothing more than to be a father, and all she sees is you playing house with Aiden and Siena-"

"You're talking to me about playing house? You literally walked into Hannah's life and made it yours! You took everything from her because you weren't patient enough to build your own home. You married her husband, moved into her house, raised her girls and just picked up where she left off like it was a game of rummy!"

"That's not fair."

"No, Lora! You know what's not fair?" he spat, eyes manic as he took a step closer to her, pointing his finger at Lora's trembling face. "You coming here, in my home, after I did you a favour helping you with those kids, and accuse me of something you have been doing yourself since day one. You're just another hypocrite! You say I'm being hurtful to my wife when your whole marriage is a joke! You act like it's all okay and that you are the most considerate wife and mother but you hate your life, Lora! You hate it because it's not yours! But that doesn't matter, does it? Just as long as everyone sees how doting and loving you are!"

"Wayne, I..." Lora spluttered on the verge of tears. His words ploughed through her heart, blood spurting out of her with every syllable.

She always knew what her brother thought of her. She knew what everyone thought of her. But to hear the words come out with such hatred, from the mouth of a person so dear to her, a person she always looked up to as her protector, caused her a pain that ceased her breaths entirely.

"Just go!" Wayne ordered through gritted teeth as he turned around and walked away from her.

Lora didn't move. She was a hypocrite! But not for the reasons her brother threw at her.

She felt frozen amid a cyclone of memories. She saw Jonathan slide the sparkling diamond onto her left, ring finger.

"What do you think?" he had asked with such certainty it was like he was asking her what she thought of the sky being blue.

Lora had gaped at the ring as though she'd never seen one before. Even though she had. One. The one he'd given to Hannah. This ring was plainer, simpler. But the rock itself was bigger.

"I know this may be a bit fast. I know your parents and your brother don't even have a clue about us yet. But you're here every day, Lora and you've grown into the most beautiful, most desirable woman. People are bound to talk. I mean, you practically live here and fuck me if I can look at those innocent eyes of yours every night and wave you goodnight."

"We can't just get married, Jonathan, that's... that's crazy!" she answered, blushing naively, her eyes still lingering on the iceberg weighing her down.

"Why not? Lora, I loved your sister dearly. I will probably never love another woman the way I loved her. But I'm still young. I need a wife. I have two girls that need a mother and damn it if I'm going to let someone else replace her in their eyes. But you, they look up to you. They love you. They open up to you. And me?" he gently cupped her chin and forced her to look into those sapphire-blue eyes of his. To this day Lora remembered how their vulnerability drew her in like he was a hypnotist. "Well, you already know how I feel about you," he continued. "It's the only thing that makes sense, Lor. Marry me."

And she did. She married him because he needed a wife, because her sister had left him. She married him because her nieces needed a mother, because her sister had left them. She married him so that she could be there for them and fill the hole her sister had left in their lives and maybe they could alleviate the grief she had left in hers. She didn't want to replace Hannah. She wanted to redeem her.

But tonight, she betrayed them all. She was a hypocrite. She thought her brother was disrespectful for craving a family when she had turned her back on hers for the momentary haven of another man's arms. Even now, as tears broke down her face and the spears of accusation pierced her chest, she wanted to run to him. She yearned for his bliss, for the way he made all her pain go away. He made her world stop and right now, there was nothing she wanted more.

"No, please!" she cried. But the door slammed shut before the words were completely out of her mouth.