Marvel angst one-shots

pt. 2 to I need it

so this is a request to do a part two to I need it where the reader was Bucky's somewhat daughter/ hydra friend. I hope the person likes it. I tried my best. Tw's: Cutting/self harm, swearing/ nightmares

The next morning I woke up and saw Bucky already awake besides me reading a book. He puts it down once he sees me up.

"Hey cub." He says smiling softly and brushing the hair out of my face.

"Mmmh." I mumble still waking up. He laughs a bit.

"You wanna go get some breakfast?" He asks and I nod. "Ok then you gotta get up. I'll wait in the hall while you get ready come out when you're done." He tells me and leaves. I quickly get changed putting on a sweater as to not show the bandages and think over last night.

Bucky knows.

The secret I've been hiding for months is finally out. I do deserve it but I know he won't let it continue.

I quickly wash my face and go out into the hall where like he said bucky was patiently waiting.

"You ready?" He says and we head downstairs. I quickly grab some pop tarts and put them in the toaster before sitting on the counter and waiting.

"Morning y/n" Natasha greets with a smile. I smile at her in return and she comes and sits across from me on a seat at the island. "How are you?" She asks while she sips on her coffee.

"I'm fine." I say purposely avoiding her piercing gaze.

"You sure, you ran out pretty quickly yesterday," She asks and Bucky cuts in.

"If the kid says she's fine she's fine. Don't traumatize her with your glares." He says and Nat just shrugs and I send Bucky a grateful smile. I know everyone will find out eventually but the day right after Bucky did is not the day for them to. Clearly bucky noticed that and offers to eat our breakfast in his room.

"You know we are going to have to talk about it eventually." He says once we are in his room and I sigh.

"I know." I reply.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to but what' been going through your mind lately? What made you do that." He asks and I think my answer over.

"I guess I just felt like I didn't deserve the things I had and cutting was a way to pay them back. And also, I felt like the things I did in Hydra deserve punishment." I answer.

"That wasn't you it was hydra. You can't blame yourself because it wasn't a conscious decision. You didn't do anything. Also, I struggled with the undeserving mindset a while after Hydra too. You just have to remember that you do deserve it. You deserve the world y/n and I would do anything to have you not experience the pain you are in right now." He assures me rubbing up and down my arm.

"I just don't know if I can stop. And it's horrible I know but I don't really want to either." I confess. He looks at me with a sad expression.

"You can stop. I know you can and I'll be here for you whenever you need it. And you gotta stop honey, I'm sorry. I know you may not want to but you have to find better coping mechanisms. Healthier ones." He says and I nod knowing he is right.

"Ok good. I need you to come to me and tell me when you feel like this. Does that sound ok?" He asks. I think about it.

"I don't think I could make myself talk about it."

"Ok how about" He starts and grabs something from a drawer. "Whenever you feel like cutting I want you to wear this on your wrist and come find me. This way I know what's going on and you don't have to say anything." He says handing me a watermelon bead bracelet. I look at it and nod.

"Ok great job kid." He says and I decide to take a nap him leaving me.

~💕~

It's been a month and I keep coming to Bucky when I have the urge to cut and it's been working. For the most part. Tonight I had a nightmare and Bucky barely sleeps through the night as is so when FRIDAY told me he was still sleeping I couldn't bring myself to wake him up. So instead I did what I have always done to calm myself down. I wasn't proud of it but I did. The next morning I wore a sweatshirt and tried to act normal and it worked. I did it again the next couple nights and no one batted an eye. Bucky didn't ask or was too busy to notice.

Or doesn't care

Well, it wouldn't be the worst thing if I just made a coupleee moreeee

And so here I am once again in this stupid bathroom with this stupid blade. I can't fucking do this anymore. I don't want to waste my life being a victim of my own mind.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

It was movie night and I knew where Bucky would be but I really didn't want to bother him but my need for comfort finally beat it out. I put on my bracelet and went to the movie room. I only had a paper towel over my arm and a sleeve so no one else would see.

I enter the movie room and find Bucky in his seat. "Want to talk about it?" He asks and I nod and sniffle a bit. I can see the moment when he realizes what happened because he kisses my head, takes my hand, and leads us back to my room.

"What happened cub." He says softly. I try to speak but I can't find the words so instead I lift up my sleeve and take the paper towel off. "Thank you for coming to me with this. I'm sure it was hard but I appreciate it and I'm proud of you." He smiles before grabbing a first aid kit from the bathroom and dressing the wounds.

"Why would you be proud of me." I ask once we are cuddled up on my bed.

"Because you realized what you did and came to me for help when you could've hidden it and continued." He explains.

"But I still did it." I argue.

"Honey as much as I wish you could be okay within a day you can't. But you can help yourself get to a point where you will be. And that's what you did today, okay. So I don't want to hear you say you messed up because you didn't. You had minor setback then made the step to fix it and I'm proud. I love you so much my little cub. Nothing could ever change that." He says and he kisses my head while I get sleepy.

A/N: I hope the person who requested likes this chapter likes it. I hope everyone enjoyed though and remember you are worth it so go eat and drink some water. I'm so proud of you for getting up this morning<33333

Love you all 3000

~Venus