Addicted to the way it hurts (Heikazuscara)

Chapter 5

After a few hours of resting in the bed together, Kazuha returned to his own apartment. His bruises from when Scara beat him up however, were still visible and when his Heizou noticed them, he looked at his roommate in shock and worry.

"What.. happened to you?" Heizou asked, his voice was hesitant as he couln't believe what he saw right in front of him. He couldn't help but stare at Kazuha, who was usually so calm and collected. He looked so different now, it looked as if the albino had a massive fight.

"What did you do?" Heizou continued questioning the other with concern in his voice, but he didn't wait for an answer. "Let me have a closer look at those bruises." The green eyed one approached his roommate.

"They don't hurt" Kazuha replied flatly and took a little step back.

Heizou looked at him skeptically. "How could they not hurt?" He asked, carefully placing his hand on the bruise on Kazuha's right cheek bone. He looked at the albino with narrowed eyes and spoke softly. "I know it's not my place, but... tell me what really happened. Are you alright?"

"Yes, Heizou. Don't worry." Kazuha responded and took the other's wrist to remove his hand from the bruise. "I just had a little fight.." The albino added. That was obviously a lie but Heizou let it slip and just sighed.

Kazuha went to his room, not saying another word to his friend, who couldn't help but feel worried about the other. Heizou knew when to let go though. He did what he could, and his roommate was an adult. This probably wasn't his place to interfere, no matter how much he cared about Kazuha.

...he cared about Kazuha. Right, he cared about him a lot to be exact. Of course this was his place to interfere. If he didn't do it then noone would.

So Heizou gathered up all his confidence and went over to the door to his friend's room. But just when he lifted his hand to knock on the door, he heard Kazuha's phone ring from inside the room.

(!!TW!! self h@rm)

Meanwhile Scara was now alone in his apartment. He stood in the small, grey and cold bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror above the sink. He stared at the bruises on his body, the bite marks and the hickeys Kazuha had left him with.

He sighed heavily. He had let the other take full control over him as if he was a puppet. He had gotten weak.

"Pathetic..." Scara muttered to himself before letting out a small chuckle. That was the truth, he was pathetic. It was so easy for Kazuha to control him, to do whatever he wanted with him.

His arms curled around his waist as he stared into the bathroom light that was flickering every now and then. He was pathetic, yes. He was weak, yes. But he had wanted it. He'd do anything for Kazuha, anything, at any time, over and over again.

Then Scara's eyes wandered to the sink, where he saw a small but sharp blade that was shining as it reflected the dim bathroom light.

Scara looked at the small object for a while, before staring at his reflection once more. He could see all the marks that he had. The boy had bitten him, and his own body had betrayed him.

Scara's hand slowly reached out to the blade, his body trembling a little in fear. He didn't know what he was thinking right now, the way he wanted to feel the pain, the cold metal against his skin, it was scary. But something inside him told him, it had to be done.

So he slowly dragged it over the skin right above his waist. A red liquid appeared. When he made the second cut, he did it with more force. It hurt a little but that's what he deserved for being weak, for letting someone get so close to him.

The more lines Scara added, the more it hurt and the more eager he got to draw another one. But his thoughts still wouldn't stop spinning in his head. Why was he doing this? Why was he doing all of this? It was all so pointless. He was so pathetic, no, he was beyond pathetic.

Tears began to roll down his face. Oh great! Now he started crying as well, what a useless and weak person he was. What was he going to do next? Scream like a little baby or call for his mommy? Blame Kazuha?

Hell no, this wasn't anyone's fault but his own.

Scara made a few more lines, blood was dripping down his body as he had cut deep, probably too deep but there was no going back now. Suddenly his legs became weak and in a matter of seconds, he broke down. His knees hit the floor and the blade fell to the ground. The sound of the metal hitting the cold tiles was ringing in his ears as tears kept falling.

Scara tried his best to fight back his tears, but they wouldn't stop. He couldn't control himself, his body wouldn't allow him to. He wanted to stop crying, he wanted to shut his mouth and swallow down all of his tears.

He felt like the whole world was against him. His entire being was pathetic, weak and disgusting.

Without realising it, he reached out for his phone and searched for Kazuha's contact, that he had thanks to the class group chat. As soon as he found it, he pressed the call button. And not even the peeping sound that indicated he was calling someone could bring Scara to realise what he was doing.

"Scara? Hey!" Kazuha answered the phone in a calm voice. He couldn't believe the other would call him. He was too used to him being cold and dismissive.

But he didn't question it. Kazuha listened to the other closely, his ears catching the sound of his shaky voice. Something was clearly wrong.

"Scara.. are you alright?" The albino asked after a while, his words full of concern.

"y-yes.. no" Scara whimpered "don't- don't leave me alone but please stay away from me" he couldn't think clearly, he didn't even know what he was doing. How could he show this weak and pathetic side of himself to Kazuha of all people.

"Scara?" Kazuha said with worry as he stood up, leaning against the wall now. "Scara, what happened?" He asked. "Tell me what's wrong.. I won't leave you, I promise. I'm still here, I'll be here for you for as long as you need it" Kazuha reassured him.

"I-I don't know what.. happened" Scara looked at the ground and saw the in blood covered blade. He was trembling and unable to speak as his mind kept being filled with thoughts and pictures.

"You can tell me everything. I promise I'll listen, I'll stay here for you as long as you need me" Kazuha's voice was calm and comforting, he was surely good at hiding the worry deep inside himself.

But Kazuha had never heard the other scared like this before, and his heart ached at the thought of what he might've done. Scara was always so strong, so perfect, he never showed any weakness. But he sounded like he was falling apart right now.

"K-kazuha.. please.. I" Scara's mind was racing with thoughts, he didn't know what to say or what to do. The blue eyed boy was so scared and all he had was Kazuha's voice on the phone, that was all he could hold onto.

"What is it Scara? You can tell me everything.. I won't tell anyone. I promise" Kazuha said softly and waited patiently for the other's reply.

Scara was quiet for a moment. His breath was heavy and the albino could hear him sobbing a little before he finally whispered something. "C-come.. please.." Scara's voice broke and was barely audible. He had no strength left in his arm and his phone fell to the ground before he could hear the other's response.

"You- you want me to-" Kazuha started to speak before being cut off by a loud sound. His eyes widened as he realised the phone had been dropped. "I'm coming!" Kazuha shouted into the phone, hoping Scara would be able to hear it.

The albino rushed out of his room and past a confused Heizou who was way too surprised to ask any questions this time. Kazuha got his shoes, hurried out of the apartment and toward's Scara's place as fast as he could.