Addicted to the way it hurts (Heikazuscara)

Chapter 10

!! TW: s3lf h@rm!!
please do only read this when you're sure you can handle it!

Scara was sitting in a chair in front of the principals desk. But since the usual principal was sick that day, the vice principal was in charge and that man didn't exactly like Scara.

The blue haired was still shaking a little from the panic attack he'd just had. The vice principal looked at him with annoyance. He wasn't known to be kind or patient when it came to students like Scara.

"You're in a lot of trouble, young man." He spoke sternly while he held a serious expression on his face.

Scara couldn't answer, he just stared down at the floor. He had gotten in situations like this a lot before and he knew whatever he said, that man wouldn't believe him.

The vice principal sighed. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Scara didn't reply. "Speak." The man in front of him ordered, his voice not holding back any more of his anger.

Scara could feel a few more tears coming up. "N-no" he whispered, almost too quietly to be heard. He had never been like this before. He could always stand up and shout at everyone but this time he was close to breaking down. He was scared, pathetic.

"No?" The vice principal questioned, his tone seemed sarcastic. "You have nothing to say for the way you've been acting? Do you know what you've done? Answer me!" His voice was beginning to increase in volume, making Scara flinch.

"Can i... go home please?" The younger one requested carefully, he wanted to run away, he felt like he was going to break out in tears any second.

"What was that?" The vice principal asked angrily. He sighed in an annoyed manner and got out of his chair, crossing his arms and looking down at Scara. "Young man, I did not hear what you had just said."

His voice was harsh, making Scara shrink down into his seat even more. He couldn't even form a proper sentence with how anxious he felt.

"go.. home" Scara repeated on the verge of tears. He just wanted to disappear, he was scared and felt so small. He would take any punishment as long as he could go home for today.

The vice principal rolled his eyes and came closer to the student. The look he gave him told that he was not willing to give in so easily.

"Listen, you are not leaving until you tell me what happened. Tell me what you have done. All of it." He demanded. "Now speak."

But Scara had no idea what had happened. The panic attack he had when he had gotten close to Kazuha blurred all his memories. "I don't know" he said flatly.

"What do you mean you don't know what happened?" The vice principal gripped the student's shoulder and pushed him against his seat so he'd have no way of running away or even moving. He didn't like the fact that Scara was giving him such an attitude. "Don't pretend you know nothing." He was getting angrier as he continued talking.

"S-sir, I don't know." Scara began to cry "Please let me go home, I will go to detention all week just let me go home" he pleaded, almost screamed out as his anxiety level was rising.

Seeing Scara cry only made the vice principal more annoyed. He was not satisfied with the words that were coming out of that student's mouth. He was done with him and his pathetic lies.

"Detention?" he scoffed. "No, I'm talking about suspension, boy!" The vice principal grinned in an evil way, happy to be able to punish Scara for the trouble he has been causing throughout the whole year.

Scara's eyes widened in surprise. Suspension?? Great! That would mean he wouldn't have to see that Kazuha for at least a week.

The vice principal was happy with that seemingly shocked look on the student's face. He turned around and walked out the office. "See you in a week, young man. You may leave now."

Scara waited until he heard that the vice principal was as gone. Then he left the office and quickly went out of the school and straight to his apartment, trying to hide his teary face on the way. He was still scared of that man and his mind was still on Kazuha. But at least he was at home now, it would be more peaceful there.. right?

But the feeling of being alone hit the young man the moment he entered his apartment. He ran into his room and hid under his covers before breaking out in tears.

He didn't know how he felt or what to do with all these emotions. The tears kept falling as he tried to ignore how much this whole situation was getting to him. His thoughts kept going to Kazuha and it was making everything worse for him.

Scara remembered what he and Kazuha had done in this bed. How submissive he was beneath Kazuha. But then the albino just went home and slept with another guy? Was that what Kazuha liked to do? Or was Scara just a victim, someone Kazuha wanted to hurt on purpose for some reason?

"Why?" The blue eyed one kept whispering to himself as tears began to hit his pillow. "Why?"

Why did he trust Kazuha? Why did he let Kazuha get so close?

He cried and trembled. Then he began to punch the pillow. Why did he let his guard down so quickly? Why did he let himself feel so much for Kazuha?

Scara clenched his hand to a fist and punched his own face. He didn't feel it, why didn't he feel it? He punched himself again and again, he wanted it to hurt, he wanted to make himself pass out.

And so he continued punching his face as he began to cry and shout. All of these thoughts were killing him from the inside. It felt like he was trying to keep his mind safe from all the thoughts but they still kept overwhelming his brain. He wanted to hurt himself, to try and stop all the feelings that were inside him.

"K-kazu..ha..." Scara whispered as if he was calling for help but he knew the other wouldn't come, he was gone and that was probably for the better. But right now he wanted nothing more than to wake up from this nightmare. Wake up and find himself in the other's safe embrace.

After a few minutes, Scara ran out of breath. Seems like punching himself until he'd pass out didn't work. And so he opened the drawer next to his bed and took out a small but sharp blade.

"Kazuha. Kazuha. Kazuha." He repeated the name over and over again, hoping that Kazuha would hear him, safe him, protect him.

"Why did he leave me?" He whispered as tears fell down his face once again. "Why did I let him in?" He took the blade and slowly let it slide over the skin on his wrist.

Suddenly Scara stopped.

"No..."

His eyes widened in fear as he looked down at the blade.

"No... Don't do that!" He cried.

Scara's thoughts began to fill his mind again, like the blood that was spilling out of his wound. He had to stop, he had to stop.

But he's just so alone... so lost...

"Please..." He shut his eyes tightly and cried out "Please save me, Kazuha!"

The blood dripped down on the wooden floor. Scara could feel the sharp pain. He didn't want this to happen, yet his hand slid the blade over his skin once again.

"Stop! Stop doing this!"

He was close to losing his sanity at this moment. His breath was getting even more shallow and he could feel a panic attack coming.

"Please... get a grip... just... just stop thinking," he muttered to himself as he tried to hold his emotions back.

But it didn't work, he kept cutting and cutting until his body was trembling so much that he let the blade fall to the ground.

He collapsed backwards onto the mattress and was drowning in his tears once again.

"Kazuha..." he whispered one last time before he slowly lost his consciousness.

________
AN:
reminder to take care of yourself, treat yourself well and be proud of yourself. You are worth it, do something that you enjoy or treat yourself to a break <33