They come in dreams

Part 20

Tierna makes me eat. She also makes me drink water. But she lets me play soccer. Not with others just the two of us at the field. She doesn't go to school. She sits with me all day for a week. I refuse to talk most days.

"Dani will you see a therapist?" Tiernas mom asks me one morning. I know its at my moms request but my mom was right that I would have said no at her request.

"Ok," I say, I can't put this all on them I know I need help. Tierna doesn't know about the scratch marks just out of sight under my shorts. She will see them soon though and I need help first. Today is the first day Tierna is back at school. She couldn't stay out forever. I will though, I'm never going back there. That afternoon I am driven to the appointment by my mom.

"Tierna is gonna pick you up, the therapist had an opening and agreed to see you, I love you honey," she brushes my hair back from my face and I don't react just climbing out of the car. I walk up to the door and let myself sitting in the waiting room. When I am called back it is to meet a young woman. I am relived by this demographic though still unsure. She already knows my basic back story from Tierna and my mom.

"Dani it is nice to meet you, usually with therapy its a very slow process, while that is still true but I would like to dive right in to what just happened to see if we can get you any relief right now." I nod and she dives right in. I answer her questions. She asks if I have hurt myself and I admit to the scratches on my legs. The appointment is almost 2 hours and I manage to answer her questions the whole time. I don't know if it helps but I feel better burdening her with my thoughts than Tierna. Speaking of Tierna she picks me up and brings me to the field again.

"Dani the memorial is next week, you can stay here as long as you want, but do you want to go home for the memorial?" She asks gently.

"Can you come with me?" I am guilty asking her this but I know I need her or I can't go.

"Of course," she says quickly. I nod slowly.

"Okay I think I have to go then." There is a pause, "Tierna can I see my phone?" I ask. I haven't touched it in days. She pulls it out of her bag and hands it to me. I turn it on and am bombarded by texts. There is a text from every single girl on the national team telling me they are there for me. I am not sure how they got my number but I assume Morgan was involved. Morgans texts are the most plentiful. She has offered to come visit me in California, or I can come stay with her or we can fly to Hawaii or whatever I need. I smile at her texts. We get to the field and get out, today we are joining Tierra's team for practice and I am able to tone back the force put into each ball to save the team from any major injuries. I take out my residual feelings during the condition after practice. When we collapse onto the field after our final sprint Tierna catches sight of my upper legs.

"Dani," her voice cracks.

"I know, I'm sorry its just the only thing that helps right now. I know its bad and I will try to stop." I promise. A few of the scratches have gone deep enough to bleed and the crust is still around the edges. I cover them back up and meet Tiernas eyes. I think she's about to say something when her phone rings.

"Hi Jill," Tierna sounds confused when she answers the phone. "I'm doing okay," she listens. "She is surviving, she's actually right here we just finished conditioning," she listens again than puts the phone on speaker phone.

"Hi Jill," I say into the phone.

"Hi Dani I am so sorry for your lost. I can't imagine what you are going through. Please know that I and the program are here for you whatever you need."

"Thank you I appreciate it," I respond.

"I wanted to call you two and formally invite you to camp starting March 20th. It is a little late to bring players to camp with the world cup so close but you two looked so good at the last camp that we wanted to invite you to join." Tierna and I don't say anything for a minute.