They come in dreams

Part 16

I'm trembling as I sit hiding in a corner of my childhood room. All I can smell is smoke, I hear my dad screaming for help but I can't move, I can't make a sounds. My breath is gasping but I can't do anything other than breathe or I will die. The house starts to shake and I think it might be about to collapse, right as I am sure I am going to fall through the floor I wake up. I stare around in fear still fighting to stay alive with gasping breaths. Tierna is shaking me eyes full of fear and her fear sets off my own. I am unable to think about anything other than Tierna is going to die, I am going to die every one I care about is going to die. But all I can do is keep breathing or it will all be over. Tierna is lifting me up onto one of the beds, tears are running down my cheeks and I curl over on my side my vision is blurring and I think this must be it. Suddenly I feel something cold press against my chest. It shocks me into taking a deep breath. I try to focus on it as the world spins. The cold seems to be calming me down and I start to realize where we are in the hotel room, my head in Tiernas lap, a ice pack on my chest, tears running down my cheeks, but alive, we are both alive.

"How are you feeling?" Tierna asks after a few minutes. My breathing had calmed down but I still haven't moved or said a word. I try to respond but when I open my mouth all the comes out is a sob. Once I start I can't seem to stop, she pulls me up into her chest and I cry until my head hurts so bad I have to stop.

"I'm sorry, I tried to go to the store because I was so bored and then I got locked out and then I was really dizzy so I tried to lay down and make it go away but I guess I fell asleep." I have to gasp in between sentences to try to fill the gap left my crying.

"It's okay Dani, I'm just glad I got back from practice early because you were having a panic attack while you slept." She is stroking my hair and I feel myself calming further.

"Yeah those happen sometimes, I don't know how you managed to stop it. Usually I just hyperventilate until I pass out."

"I put an ice pack on your vagus nerve, helps calm you down." She explains like I know what half of those words even mean.

"Well thank you. Why did practice end early?" I ask confused as to why a national team practice would ever end early.

"It's not good. Shannon Box got hurt. I think she tore her ACL." Tierna grimaces as she says this.

"Oh god, that's terrible. Shit."

"Yeah they decided to call it while they waited for the ambulance. We have weights later but we are free until then. The trainer is coming at 2 to do your testing. So in like 45 minutes." She fills me in.

"If they see me like this I think they would just take me directly to the ER I probably should clean up a little." I say looking down at my tearstained shirt. I sit up and the world spins. "Shit," I say grabbing out to Tierna who steadies me.

"You sit here, I'll help," Tierna says getting up. She peels my sweater and shirt over my head leaving me in my sports bra. She brings out a wash cloth and gently whips down my face, she wipes behind my ears and its so relaxing and calming that I lean into it closing my eyes. She notices and repeats the motion a few times before standing up and walking over to my suit case. She grabs a baggy shirt and puts it over my head. Changed and washed up I am sure I still look a mess but at least I feel a bit cleaner. Tierna changes and climbs into the bed with me. I lean against her feeling her breathing. "So what did you get at the store?"

"Oh, actually I have no idea, I went to the crafts store and got some random stuff, I don't remember much from the trip." I laugh as I admit it.

"Dan, you can't go out by yourself like this your gonna get lost and end up in the ocean." Tierna sounds relatively stern and she does have a point.