We Can Help

Chapter Five

Tigger warning mention of assault/R@pe, Selfharm, you get it, it's a angst book guys.....

Eddie and Buck looked at each other and the world seemed to slow down, Eddie and buck simultaneously leaned in close, their faces only inches apart and their noses starting to touch.

"I'm sorry- I can't- I can't" Buck said pulling away.

"Oh- I'm so sorry- I- I thought you were- I thought there were some vibes............" Eddie said rubbing his neck looking embarrassed
"No! No! No there was! I just-..... uh.... I really like you........... you know........ uh...... I'm just... if we kiss now I think it's moving to fast.... And- uh- you know........ Im not really good at.... Not- having sex...?" Buck replied, his face was burning from the word-vomit he spilled.
"Its okay Buck, I understand." Eddie said turning back to the movie. The atmosphere was now awkward again.

"I love this thing so much! Ughhh!" Buck said stretching his arms
"It is good." Eddie said
Both males just kinda sat in silence, inches away from each other, only a blanket between them. They sat and talked for the remainder of the night about the movie. At one point while Buck was ranting about how stupid the plot was in some Rom-Com, how they had gotten to the topic Eddie didn't know, Eddie could have sworn he saw an Angel. Buck looked perfect as always and Eddie leaned in closer. Buck didn't want to kiss. Buck didn't want it so Eddie wouldn't kiss him on the lips, instead he pecked him on the forehead.
Buck immediately shut his mouth. The rant about the movie long forgotten. His face flushed and he stood frozen as if Medusa herself turned him to stone.

"I'm sorry Buck.... I just...... uh.... You looked adorable ranting like that..." he said nervous again.
It was odd, the two had been friends for a long time, they were good, best friends, there was nothing scary about eachother, so why were they so nervous now?
"It's- uh- uh- it's okay!" Buck said still flushed.

The two stayed close for a few more hours, talking about anything, everything. But despite all of Bucks pleas for the night to never end, it did. Buck gathered his things and got ready to leave, he got a kiss on the forehead from Eddie then drove back to Bobby and Athenas house.

When he got to their house it was 11:00 PM.
"You've been out late." Bobby said with Athena, apparently they had been waiting up for him
"Oh- yeah it was fun.......... We watched Avatar- like the blue people not like Aang" he specified, his face turning red again as he thought about the forehead-kisses he received earlier that evening
"Mhm...... is that all, because your blushing~?" Athena said laughing while Bobby just looked like a dad after learning his daughter has a boyfriend.
"....... I..... we just like- I dunno sat next to eachother............ so uh- yeah......" he said running off to his room giddily
When he got too his room Buck was excited. He had a date! And Eddie liked him, but his thoughts couldn't help but wonder, what if Eddie realized he didn't like buck after today? What if He realized he's not gay? What if Eddie realized That buck had issues and didn't like him anymore...? What— okay Buck really needed to stop spiraling.
Buck sat on his bed taking off his sweater and revealing a plain grey t-shirt. Then he took off his pants and put on some pajamas with cats on them. Buck didn't own a cat, nor was he specifically interested in them, but he liked the pajama pants, they were fluffy.
He wasn't on shift tomorrow so he could sleep in, so he decided to play on his phone. He went on YouTube and then some other stupid apps like TikTok and Twitter, eventually he went onto a news app and an hour had passed. Buck saw his old therapists profile on the app, it brought up bad memories.
She took advantage of him, although he would never admit it, that was rape. He was just trying to feel better mentally, he was the client and she took advantage of him. Sometimes he wonders if he should have told someone, if she could have been doing that stuff to other clients. Maybe if he would have gotten her fired he would have felt better, but alas, he wouldn't tell anyone what happened. And now that months- years even- had passed, there was no evidence so she could easily claim rape against him and he would lose his job and maybe go to jail.
Buck turned off his phone and took the little sterile box with his razor blade in it and brought it with him to the bathroom, by now Athena and Bobby were in bed. Buck took the blade out of the casing and pulled down his pajama pants, the scars on his left thigh healing already since he hadn't cut in two days.
Buck sat the blade on his leg and took a deep breath. He felt guilty. He hadn't even cut yet and he felt guilty.
Buck felt like a faker because the whole day he was fine- sure it crossed his mind a few times, but he was too busy to dwell on it, but the minute he's home alone with his thoughts he can't help himself.
With that thought Buck swiftly drug the blade across his thigh, he felt angry with himself. He felt weak. So he didn't stop at one, or two, nor three nor four, he refused to stop even after he heard himself sob from the stinging pain, and even after shameful tears dropped from his eyes. There must have been 40 or 50 cuts on his thighs lined up and criss-crossing together. There were blood droplets on the floor and they just kept seeming to fall. Buck closed his eyes in pain while he continued to cut himself.

Buck felt a hand on his wrist. The hand pulled the blade away from his tattered thigh. Buck opened his eyes confused for a second.
".... Buck.....?" Bobby said looking scared, his eyes were tearing up and Athena was behind him on the phone with someone, tears in her eyes too.
It was then that buck realized he has sobbing loudly, he most definitely woke them both up, and his thigh was stinging really bad. He looked down and saw his cuts were deep, way deeper than the previous ones.
"Yeah I need one ambulance, yes thank you." Athena finished speaking.
"Wait- wait ambulance—?! No! No! Please the guys on B shift will never let me live this down!" Buck joked while he felt his breathing get faster

"You've lost a lot of blood....... What triggered this...?" Bobby said sadly while putting a towel on the cuts
"Ah- ow- that stings!" He said hissing
"Buck These are really bad...... why did you do this?" Athena spoke now.

Buck started to feel dizzy, his vision slowly turned black and his leg felt like static "uh.............. it was just........ blowing off some steam....." he said before passing out and falling halfway over before Bobby caught him
"BUCK!" Bobby and Athena yelled in unison.