We Can Help

Chapter Three

Thanks for the votes everyone, sorry this took a couple days to come out!

Buck and Bobby got in his car, Buck less than pleased about the idea of living with his boss.
"It's just to help you Buck I'm not going to do anything other than be at the end of the hall"
Buck, who had been looking out the window, didn't respond to Bobby and ignored him entirely.
Buck was scared he didn't have any of his blades and he liked go have them around, even if he wasn't using them, but he couldn't take stuff from another family's house, he can't bleed on their floors. He didn't want to make Bobby disappointed in himself.
"Where here Buck" Bobby spoke interrupting Bucks spiraling thoughts.
Bobby grabbed Buck's things and walked him inside where Athena was waiting and making dinner for the boys.
"Hey Bobby, Hi Buck" she spoke in a soft mothering tone.
"Hi Athena....." Buck said.
Bobby said hi to his wife and gave her a little peck on the cheek, and then showed Buck to his room.
He say Bucks bag on the guest bed and turned to Buck fishing a small clear box out of his pocket.
"You can put your clothes in the closet, there's already a toothbrush set out for you in the bathroom down the hall, and I'm going to give you this, but Please promise me you'll come to me first and keep it in this room not on you?"
Buck took the box realizing it was his missing razor blade.
"Thank you Bobby" Buck said looking down.
"Just try not to use it, okay?"
Buck nodded and Bobby walked out the door.
"Dinners ready Buck" he said while leaving.
Buck sat down on the guest room bed for a moment catching his breath before walking into the living room and sitting at the table.
"Do you want some mashed potatoes?" Athena said looking at Buck.
Little known fact, ever since Buck was a kid he's loved mashed potatoes, clearly they had asked his sister what he liked.
"Uh sure- yeah, thanks"
Buck grabbed a plate and Athena put some mashed potatoes on it, giving it back to Buck.
Buck sat back down at the seat while Athena grabbed a spoon for him. Bobby and Athena sat down with Mashed Potatoes, gravy, sausage, and eggs, a breakfast- type dinner.
Bucks plate had only mashed potatoes and he had denied anything else.
Bobby and Athena began to eat while Buck just watched them.
He didn't understand how they could let the gravy touch the potatoes but he didn't dwell on it long and looked back to his own plate.
Buck put a spoon full of mashed potatoes in his mouth and ate it slowly, it tasted good, but he wasn't that hungry.
"Can I be excused?" He asked feeling like a child again.
"You've barely touched your food, Buck..." Bobby said.
"Please, I just want to sleep..."
"Yeah, you can go." Bobby gave in.
Buck left to 'his' room and laid on the bed, taking out his phone and scrolling to Eddies contact.
He wanted to call him but he chickened out and texted him instead.
'Hey Eddie'
He texted back soon after 'Hey, What's up Buck?'
'Nothing I just wanted to let you know that I'm not living at my apartment right now so don't stop by with Chris anytime' Buck texted back biting his nails from nervousness.
'What? Why'
'Is everything alright?'
'Where are you staying?'
The series of texts from Eddie came only a few seconds apart.
'I'm okay, I'm staying at Bobby and Athena's house, there's a busted pipe in my loft that needs fixed' Buck lied so he wouldn't have to come clean to Eddie.
Buck put down his phone despite seeing another text from Eddie, and threw it on his bed.
Buck grabbed the little sterile box and put it in his pocket before walking out of the room and too the bathroom.
"Hey Buck you okay?" Bobby looked at him and asked before he went into the bathroom.
"Uh, yeah, I'm- I'm good... just gotta pee." Buck said giving his best fake smile.
"Really? Because that box in your front pocket says otherwise." Bobby said looking at him expectantly.
Buck took a breath and looked at Bobby in the eye before speaking.
"I need to, I can't- I can't.... I have to do it, okay so just let me"
"You know I can't do that, Buck" Bobby stood firm in the way of the door.
Buck stayed silent.
"I'll make you a deal, you talk with me for 10 minutes and if that's not enough you can come back here, I won't stop you." Bobby said seriously.
"..... okay" Buck looked down a the floor while Bobby led him over to the living room.
"What do I even say" Buck said.
"Just, what are you thinking, why do you want to hurt yourself right now?"
"It's just- I can't stop thinking about it.. all my thoughts just lead back to this stupid box."
"What exactly do you think about when you think of hurting yourself, like is it the pain, a punishment... or?"
"I- I don't.... It's a relief, I don't know it just feels like the world slows down, even just for a moment, and gives me a chance to catch my breath." Buck looked down at the floor from his embarrassment.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about Buck, I'll never judge you, I get it, kinda... when I was drinking, or high... or both I felt like I was in my own bubble, like everything was okay but once the high ended, when I was clean and sober the feeling went away." Bobby stoped to look Buck in the eyes when the latter put his head up. "It will get better Buck, me and Athena, the whole 118, we all just want you to feel better. We want to help you just need to let us, so please, please come to me or Athena, or even call someone else, just- just talk to somebody first."
Bobby finished and Buck looked back at the ground.
The two boys sat in silence for a few minutes before Bobby got up and left Buck on the couch, going to bed.
As soon as Bobby went to his room Buck went to the bathroom and shut and locked the door.
He sat on the closed toilet seat lid and grabbed the sterile box out of his pocket. Opening it up he saw the familiar blade, shinny and clean.
Bobby's words echoed around in bucks head while he pulled his sweats down exposing his scarred thighs. Pushing his boxers up and out of the way Buck grabbed it and held it to his thigh.
He didn't press down. His head kept replaying his surrogate fathers words.
"We just want to help you"
If he cut they'd be disappointed and even worse, he'd be disappointed in himself. Even thinking about how Bobby would react to his bloodied body on the floor was enough to make Buck want to cry.
As much as Buck needed the blade as a coping mechanism, he needed his surrogate father more, so for one night in the past month and a half, Buck didn't cut himself and just went to his room instead.