Can we go through this?

#9

Pov. Lando

*half an hour earlier*

"Lando, hey." a moan leaves my mouth and I open my eyes. "That's it, buddy. Come back to us."

who is that? I look around. I'm in my drivers room? I was outside, right? What is everyone around me doing? I want to sit up, but I'm stopped.

"Keep laying down Lan. You passed out." says Jon and I frown.

Passed out?

"How do you feel?" Jon ask and I look at him. "Tired." I say softly. "That's understandable. Just lie down for a while." he says and I look around me again. There were more people around me. "You were gone for more than a minute. They got there before anything happened." says Jon. "Okay." I say softly and then I close my eyes again. I'm exhausted.

I lie down for a while before sitting up. Jon hands me my bottle of water and I start drinking. Everyone left my room and I was alone with Jon.

"What happened?" I ask "You had a panic attack." "Panic Attack?" I ask softly. "Yes. You were breathing really fast and you were obviously upset. You said that you had pain by your heart and it felt like your chest was being stabbed multiple times. You were hyperventilating and then you passed out."

This sounds exactly like last night.

"I had this last night too." I say and I look at Jon.

There was nothing wrong last night, I had another panic attack.

"You had it yesterday too?" I nod softly. "What happened Lan?" He ask and I look at the ground. "Am I a terrible person Jon?" "What? What is this about Lando?" he asks worriedly. "I got into fights with everyone. What am I doing wrong? What...? How... I don't know Jon." I say and I look at him. My eyes fill with tears and I feel a lump in my throat.

Will it this be my day?

A day where I can no longer control my emotions?

“Who are you arguing with Lan?” "Max and Charles, Daniel, George and Alex. Even Esteban is mad at me and I don't even talk to him that much. What am I doing wrong Jon?" I ask softly. "Max and Charles were just here. They ran after you while you ran away from them. I didn't let them in, I stood in front of the door. Now I'm glad I didn't let them in." "I didn't want them to see me like that. I don't want to hurt them Jon. I just asked them... And they got mad at each other and at me... That wasn't meant to be." I say and a tear rolls down my cheek. "I don't understand Lando, I'm sorry." says Jon.

Of course he doesn't understand what this is about.

I softly shake my head. "It will be fine." I say softly and I pull my knees towards me. "Are you sure? A lot has happened as I hear now." "Everything will be fine. I need to talk to them." I say. "Are you sure?" I nod.

I look up when there is a knock on the door. James, my media person comes in. "I have to come and get you from Andreas. You have to go to the media pen before we get a fine." "Yeah, okay. I'm coming." I say and I wipe my tears and I grab my bottle and I get up. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "I'll get through it." I say before leaving the room.

When we walk into the media pen I feel more and more nervous. I see Max, Alex, Zhou and Yuki. "First we go to skysport." I nod and we walk to skysport.

"Hello Lando." "Hello." I say and I put on a smile. "Last weekend was a good weekend, how do you feel about it this weekend?" "A lot is still uncertain. Every time we think, for example, oh here we will be a bit worse and then it turns out that we are stronger there than we thought. A lot will only become clear after the 2nd free practice." I say. "Do you still notice that with the new cars? At every track that you really have to wait and see?" "We have a certain picture, but as I just said it can get better or worse." "And what is your image of the team? Are things going well or worse? Where more study is needed?"