saudade | s.j.

twenty-eight

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Y/N's POV

I thought I was good. I know I still had to go back but I think I need to go longer. This isn't good for me. Scarlett shouldn't see me like this. I'm trying to get better so that I can live my life to the fullest and be with her.

"Get Lizzie." I say with clenched teeth.

"Let me help you Y/N."

"No!" I slam my fist into the counter and moment later I hear more footsteps coming down the counter. I don't want Scarlett to focus on me. She needs to focus on her kids. Lizzie has been helping me. I need Lizzie.

"What's going on? Save the bickering for later it's Thanksgiving." Robert says as he comes down the hallway with a glass of wine still in hand.

As he gets closer to Scarlett and I his face drops at the scene. I close my eyes to try and hold in the tears from escaping. I didn't want her to see me like this. "I need Lizzie."

"I'm right here Y/N."

Lizzie walks into the bathroom and pulls me into her. Our height different is astounding but she was still able to hold me. She slowly closes the door and guides us to sit on the floor.

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Scarlett's POV

I stand in the hallway with Robert behind me. The door has been closed on me while the only person I love sits in pain in the arms of one of my closest friends. What the fuck is going on...

I feel Robert pat my shoulder, "Come on Scar...I think Lizzie has a handle on this."

Tears start streaming down my face uncontrollably after what he said. "That should be me Downey. I should be in there. Why am I not good enough?"

He lets out a long exhale and guides me to the other living room. "That's not the problem. The problem is that you're too good. You're her reason and she doesn't want her reason to be her demise." I nod my head as he puts an arm around me and guides me back to the dining room.

I sit down next to Susan and wipe my face of tears. "I'll go get you some water." Robert says before turning towards the kitchen. There was a brief silence before Susan cleared her throat. "You're pregnant aren't you?" I look up at her in surprise because I'm not even showing yet. "Ho- How did you know?" I whisper.

"Honey your emotions have been all over the place and you've been chugging soda as if it's wine. For all of that you could've been having wine."

I chuckle at the end of her explanation and nod my head. "Yes I am. But nobody really knows yet."

"Was that what you were going to announce on your birthday? Before you ran out?" She asks as she slides her hand to grab mine in comfort.

"Yes it was."

*Flashback*

"Attention everyone! I have some news." Scarlett announces to everyone.

"First off, I want to thank everyone for being here. I really love each and every one of you," Scarlett begins, her voice steady despite the nervous flutter in her chest. The room quiets in anticipation, with glasses raised and smiles shining in her direction. Scarlett looks around at the faces of her friends, lingering for a moment on the empty space where Lizzie and Y/N should be standing.

"And second..." She trails off, her throat tightening as the weight of the moment settles on her. She glanced at Robert who's standing by the kitchen with his usual easy smile, and at Susan who offers her an encouraging nod.

Scarlett forced a small smile and takes a deep breath. "I wanted to share some exciting news." But as the words hover on the tip of her tongue, the ache in her heart grows heavier. Y/N isn't here. Her eyes flicker towards the hallway, the muffled voices behind the bathroom door remind her of Y/N's absence. Scarlett's composure begins to crack. She swallows hard, her vision blurring with unshed tears.

"I..." her voice falters, and the room begins to shift uncomfortably. Mark steps forward with a concerned look on his face. Scarlett abruptly sets her glass down on the table, the sound of it clinking loudly in the silence. "I'm sorry," she whispers, backing away from the table. "I'll be right back." She turns and rushes out of the room, heading for the front door before anyone can stop her.

She makes it outside and leans against Chris' truck, pressing her palms against her stomach instinctively. The weight of the unspoken announcement almost too much to bear. Instead of going back inside she continues walking back home, tears rolling down her flushed cheeks. She was supposed to share this moment with everyone. With Y/N. But instead, she's walking home, alone, wondering if their love can withstand the weight of life's struggles.

*End of Flashback*

"I was going to announce it that night," I admit. "But when I saw Y/N wasn't there, I couldn't do it. It didn't feel right."

Susan gave me a small smile, her hand squeezing Scarlett's tightly. "You're holding so much in, Scarlett. You've got to let it out eventually-whether it's to Y/N or someone else."

I nod, feeling that same lump in my throat return. "I just...I don't know if she'll ever let me in again. She just returned from rehab. She hated me. I can't destroy her happiness again. She won't trust me again."

"She will," Susan assures. "Y/N loves you, this just may not be a time where she has enough to fight for you. She's fighting for herself right now. You need to fight for you and the rest will come."

I glance back towards the hallway, my heart heavy but resolute. I know the fight for her isn't over-and I am not ready to give up on Y/N or our future together.

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