saudade | s.j.

thirty-two

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Scarlett's POV

We've finally got back to filming and the holiday season is over. Well... Valentine's Day is a few weeks away but does that count? Anyways, it's not as if I have a reason to celebrate it. On a good note, I have been doing better since the incident. However, I still haven't told anyone what happened. My scenes have been with Lizzie and Chris recently so I am planning on telling them soon.

Y/N is getting to film a little bit but when she's not filming she's still doing treatment. She's now in outpatient after her mom convinced the facility to let her live at home. Since the accident, one thing Y/N has told me is how close her and her mom are becoming again. Speaking of Y/N, I'm on my way to her trailer right now.

I knock on the door and slowly open it. I hear her talking and decide to wait until she is done. "Don't call this phone again-I don't care how you feel-Of course I loved you. No-No Amy I don't love her. No okay."

I felt a pang in my chest. Is she talking about me? Who is Amy? I continue to listen and watch as she paces back and forth in her trailer.

"No you cannot come here-she'll kill me. What! No! You know what-fine okay 9 pm." She hangs up the phone and says an amalgamation of curse words, throwing her phone somewhere. I put a face on and open the door.

"What's going on in here love?" Y/N glances up at me, startled, her face instantly softening into a smile that feels just a bit forced. I can see the tension in her shoulders, the way her jaw clenches slightly before she speaks.

"Oh, hey, Scar. Nothing, just... stressed out. Therapy's been intense, you know?" She waves her hand like it's no big deal, but I'm not buying it.

I lean against the doorway, crossing my arms as I study her. "Stressed out, huh? Sounded like an intense phone call."

Her eyes flicker-just for a second-but it's enough to confirm my suspicions. Whoever was on the other end of that call wasn't her mom, her therapist, or anyone else she'd want to casually mention.

She lets out a small laugh, shaking her head. "Oh, that? Just my mom. She's been all over me lately about therapy and staying on track. You know how she can get."

Her answer is smooth, too smooth. I know Y/N well enough to spot when she's dodging the truth. Still, I decide to let it slide-for now. Pushing her might make her shut down, and the last thing I want is to drive her away.

"Well, you've been doing great," I say, my voice softer now. "Don't let anyone get in your head, okay?" I move to sit beside her, the tension in the room easing slightly as she nods.

"Thanks," she murmurs, her eyes not quite meeting mine. I grab her hand and she tenses up a bit before relaxing.

I can tell there's more she isn't saying, but I also know Y/N. She'll talk when she's ready. At least, I hope she will.

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Y/N's POV

After Scarlett leaves, the air in the trailer feels suffocating. I collapse onto the couch, my head in my hands. I hate lying to her. She doesn't deserve it, and I know it's only going to cause trouble.

But Amy--Amy is different. She has this way of pulling me back into the past, twisting everything until I can't tell what's real and what's manipulation. Scarlett is my future, but Amy? She's the storm I thought I'd escaped. After filming for a few more hours, I finally get home. I shower and wait patiently on my bed till around 9 pm. I check the clock--8:45 PM--I head downstairs and nearly have a heart attack.

"How the fuck did you get in here?" I yell in a panicked state. There she is, Amelia, sitting comfortably on my couch.

"I have my ways Y/NN." Amelia uncrosses her legs and pops up from the couch to face me.

She looks the same--effortlessly put together, her dark eyes carrying that dangerous mix of charm and chaos. "You look good. Miss me?"

I check the locks on my door, and turn around with my arms crossed. "Amelia, we're not doing this. Say what you came to say and leave."

Her lips curl into a smirk as she made her way towards me. She looks around the room, picking up picture frames, getting an idea of how my life has been with out her. "Why so serious?" She imitates Heath Ledger's Joker as she puts another frame down. I roll my eyes and huff out impatiently.

"I remember when you used to laugh more. Back when you were with me." Don't take the bait. I laugh more everyday than I did my whole relationship with her. "Amy enough. What do you want?"

She turns to face me, her expression softening. Her big amber doe eyes piercing into my brown ones. "You, Y/N. I made a mistake letting you go, and I've spent every day since trying to figure out how to fix it."

I laugh bitterly, shaking my head. "You didn't let me go, Amy. I left. And you know why."

Her face hardens for a split second before she covers it with a pout. "Why? I don't think I recall. I just remember, you were upset and overreacted. Sure, I made some mistakes, but we were good together. In love."

I take a deep breath, trying to keep my voice steady. "No. You cheated our entire relationship, while also being mentally and physically abusive." Amy comes close to me and puts her hands on my stomach, rubbing on my abs. I keep my hands at my side, my fists clinching tight to remain calm.

"So in love. Don't you remember? And the sex--unmatched." She whispers into my ear, finishing that last sentence biting her lip. I gently move her off of me and sit down on the couch. I'm starting to get impatient as I see no end to where this conversation is going. "We were toxic, Amelia. And I've moved on."

"With ScarJo?" she spits, venom in her voice. Before I could answer, she continues on. "She doesn't know you like I do. She doesn't know your past, your flaws. She doesn't know the real you."

"That's enough," I snap, my voice rising. "You don't get to come here and throw that in my face. Scarlett knows me better than you ever did because I don't have to hide from her. I'm not the same person I was and never will be again."

Amy steps closer, her voice dropping to a dangerous whisper. "You think she'll stay when she sees how broken you are? When she sees the damage I've seen?" I cut her off, "She's seen worse and stayed."

Amelia's laugh rings through the room, "You're fooling yourself, Y/NN. You'll come crawling back to me. You always do." Her words hit a nerve, but I don't let her see it. I open the door and stand on my front lawn. "Get out," I say firmly. Amy hesitates, her eyes searching mine for some sign of weakness. when she doesn't find it, her lips twist into a bitter smile. "I'll be seeing you," she says before walking out, her heels clicking against the floor. She walks past me but turns back around grabbing my face and pulling me into a kiss. I push her away and run inside.

The door closes behind me and the silence in the room is deafening. I sit down, numb to the fact that my lip is even bleeding. She must've bit my lip. The weight of everything is pressing down on me. Scarlett's face flashes in my mind, those kind eyes. She deserves so much better than this mess. I need to tell her the truth. About Amy, about everything.

But as I sit there, the fear of losing Scarlett paralyzes me. For now, the truth will have to wait.