Sunset and Vine | Adopted By Elizabeth Olsen

08 | Safe and Sound

Olivia

The month of June is unbearably hot, and though a few weeks of rain had cooled the asphalt and the atmosphere temporarily, the spirit of summer has once again returned. Beads of sweat dampen Olive's forehead, and although she's already in a pair of thin shorts and an old tank-top, the heat still feels unbearable, like it's seeping into her bones and boiling her from the inside.

A stuffed monkey in her lap is baring most of the sweat that dampens her clothes, and although she'd probably feel the slightest bit better if she let him go, she continues to hold onto him, and the baby blue blanket that's draped across her thighs. The collection of fuzzy objects only makes the heat feel heavier, and it's becoming suffocating, but there are still hours left before Sunset and Vine opens for the day, and wandering the streets in heat so thick isn't as enticing as what she's doing now.

Previously, she'd been writing in the margins of To Kill A Mockingbird, but curiosity nagged in her thoughts and belly until she abandoned the book and reached for one of the new notebooks Lizzie got her the day before. The room is dark, only a small lamp illuminating the room as sunlight stays hidden behind nightfall, but the dim yellow hue has to be good enough. The overhead light had burned out almost a year ago, and Alan had never gotten around to replacing it. So, she sits in darkness most nights, hoping to preserve the lifespan of this single desk lamp, but tonight, she's been unable to find another way to pass the time, and light is required for writing. So, she moves on with her thoughts, and the whisper in her mind to start a journal entry wins out. The light stays on.

"Sorry Monroe." She whispers to the stuffed money in her lap when she crushes his head in a failed attempt to reach the stack of notebooks without moving from her place on the floor. Upon being unsuccessful, and not wanting to hurt Monroe again, she scoots closer. There's a fuzzy foot sticking out from under a pile of blankets, and she grabs at that too, now housing two stuffed animals in her small lap. "Hi Paws." She greets the teddy bear, tucking him under her arm so that she can reach one of the spiral notebooks. When she has it, she sits upright again, and traces her fingers over the pattern.

She flips open the book, contemplating if she wants to write on the first page, or a few pages in to dissuade any curious eyes from finding her words at the first passover. She doesn't want to waste any paper though, not sure when she'll ever get new notebooks, but eventually, she decides the safer option is to skip a few pages and begin at page six, dating the page June 1st, 2014.

How does she start something like this? Does she just dive right in? Sighing, Olive shuffles around until her back is up against the wall, and both of her stuffed animals are on either side of her, giving space for the notebook to rest on her thighs.

'I met a woman named Elizabeth a few days ago. She asked if we could share a table at the cafe. She must've asked Jay what I liked to drink, because she came over with a strawberry lemonade for me, and an iced coffee for her. The coffee smelled nice, but the lemonade was nicer. I didn't drink any at first. I thought it might be rude to take something I didn't pay for, but she asked if I wanted something different, so I figured she'd keep spending money on me until she figured out what I liked, and secretly, I was really thirsty. Alan started cutting the water off again, and I'm not allowed to touch the bottles in the fridge, so I hadn't had anything to drink in a couple days. The lemonade was nice, Jay always makes the best lemonade. She came in again a couple of days later. She asked if we could eat breakfast together. I know she asked Jay what I wanted this time, I heard her. Alan doesn't ask me what I want, so I'm not sure how to feel about that, but I think it made me feel... happy? She's nice. And she's funny, but sometimes her hands shake. I think she's nervous around me. I'm nervous around her. She likes to read. I like that about her. She's an actor too, which means she travels a lot. I think that's pretty cool. She just moved back from Bangladesh! She doesn't have an accent, so I guess she wasn't there long enough to pick one up. I wonder if she's ever picked up one up? Maybe she picked up a New York accent when she was going to college here? She said she went to NYU, so she must be really smart. I told her about Gloria. And I told her that Alan calls me Florence. I thought maybe she'd start calling me that, but she hasn't. She calls me Vee, or Via, sometimes Olive. But, once she called me Honey. I liked that. It made me feel, well I'm not really sure. I think I liked it though, because my belly felt like there was something warm in it. Not like when it feels like fire, or when I get all those butterflies that make me sick. But, a good feeling. She told me about her family. I know her sisters, but I didn't tell her that. I didn't think she'd like that, and I really wanted to see her again. She brought me birthday presents. I love them so much, especially the shoes. I haven't gotten new shoes in a long time. Alan hasn't noticed yet. I hope he doesn't take them away. And when we went to the park, she said she was proud of me. I like her more than Alan. She doesn't get mad, and she doesn't yell. I like that. But, I don't understand that. Alan always gets mad, and she never does. Jay and Barry don't get mad either. Maybe Alan shouldn't get mad as much as he does? But... why does he then? And Lizard keeps saying I'm a kid, but Alan says I'm not. I thought kids were babies? I'm not a baby. Lizard said I'm not a baby, so that means I'm also not a kid. I'm confused. Confused why kids are babies, but I'm just a kid and not a baby. I'm confused why she doesn't hit or yell. I'm confused why she lets me hold her hand and hug her, and why she hugs me back, and why that doesn't hurt? When Alan gave me hugs when Gloria still came, he squeezed too hard and that always hurt. He doesn't hug me anymore. Mr. Hoard doesn't seem to notice. Should he be hugging me? Do kids get hugs? What's the difference between a baby and a kid? I know in books kids are my age, but... I don't feel like a kid? Lizzie makes me question a lot of things, but I don't know the answer to those questions, and sometimes she looks sad when I bring up Alan, so I try to figure it out for myself. I like Lizzie. I hope she never leaves.'

Olive closes the notebook. The sun is beginning to peak out through the darkness of the night, and that's always the telltale sign that Alan will be waking soon. She scrambles to put everything away. Paws and Monroe are first, and then the baby blue blanket gets shoved into her backpack above them, followed by the books and notebooks Lizzie bought. She whispers an apology to her stuffed friends who look entirely squished beneath the heavy books and baby blanket, but she knows it's the safest place for them to hide, so she doesn't pull them out. She just zips up the bag and puts it over her shoulders, wincing at how heavy it is with everything hidden away.

The blankets on the floor get folded next, and she sets them right next to the single pillow that takes up space in the corner of the room. The space looks uninhabited, like she doesn't even exist in it, but that's exactly how Alan likes it. She learned the hard way that leaving it messy only resorts in harm done. So, she turns the desk lamp off, and silently prays that when she needs it again, it'll still turn on, and begins to exit the room. If you could even call it that.

In her retreat toward the front door, she passed Alan's bedroom. It's still silent inside, and the overhead light isn't casting a yellow hue against the carpeted floor. He's still asleep, but Olive has no idea for how much longer. The next room is hers. Or, it should be hers. The walls are painted a soft yellow, and the bed is made perfectly. There are dozens of toys on shelves, and children's books in the bookcase, but she's only allowed in that room when Mr. Hoard comes over. She hasn't spent a night in that bed since she was four, and so deeply she craves to know how it feels to sink into a mattress at the end of the day instead of the hard floor, but nevertheless, she doesn't risk it. The bathroom is down the hall too, the next door she passes but on the other side of the hall. She doesn't stop, she's already taken a shower and brushed her teeth, but she longs for another shower to rinse the sticky sweat off of her. Alan wouldn't like that, and she wouldn't like the punishment that would come with wasting water twice in one day, so she carries on, and hopes that the heat is forgiving on her walk to the cafe.

There are butterflies in her belly as she walks through the apartment, a lingering dread that she won't be quick enough, or quiet enough, or good enough to avoid Alan. She's done so well this week. She's only run into him once, and he'd been so drunk that he only managed one insult before falling asleep on the couch. She doesn't want to break that streak now.

The apartment door is never locked. Not unless it's one of the days Mr. Hoard comes by, when things have to look like they're running smoothly, but today isn't that day. Mumbling to herself that she has no time for worrying today, she sets her tiny hand on the cold and rusted door knob and turns slowly, stepping out into the hall only seconds before she hears Alan's bedroom door creak open. And just like that, she's managed to escape him again, closing the door behind her silently, a practiced skill.

A breathe of relief doesn't come until she's down the street and far away from him, but eventually, she's able to collect herself and when she does, she remembers that Lizzie promised to come by again. A smile breaks her neutral expression apart, and that same pleasant warmth spreads throughout her limbs. She feels light. Lizzie makes her feel light, and in all the books she's read, she noticed that when characters feel safe, it's usually described like this. So, she carries on with her walk, and silently tells herself that she's okay. It's Lizzie's voice in her head though, not her own. It's just a whisper of the words shes repeated, that she's safe. She likes that Lizzie names these things, because now she has something to ground herself too instead of feeling like she's floating through a galaxy of unfamiliar feelings that until this point, have only ever been fiction.

Before she realizes, Sunset and Vine is right in front of her. Jay and Barry are setting up, and the sign in the window is flipped to open. The lights are on, the musics playing, she can hear that from outside, but for a few seconds, she just stops and appreciates the silence of this moment, and the security she feels in her heart. This is her safe place, just like Lizzie had said. Nothing bad can happen here. Until she's forced to go home, she's safe.

— AUTHORS NOTE

we finally have a brief glimpse into via's home life, i hope you enjoyed! i've been slowly incorporating some of her own thoughts and experiences into previous chapters, but this is really the first glance at how bad things are at home. she feels safe with lizzie, and she finally understands that. i can't wait to build their relationship when via has to brave the set. also, that t-shirt she mentioned gloria giving her, might be a clue as to some of the things via likes, but you'll have to wait and see!