To Skin A Lamb

15

CHARITY

Light.

I didn't understand that a person could affect someone so negatively. My work was reflectant of Troy (64) being present and I felt guilty that Brett had to deal with the shittiest version of me.

But the next morning when Dr. Sam informed us that he was leaving, I felt like a feather. He didn't make a threat or do anything to scare me beforehand; he just left.

I still had to deal with imposter syndrome since he was the only reason why I was here and I was even tempted to ask the interns how the SVs were selected. Right before I approached Lea's room, I turned around and changed my mind.

I spent my days not thinking about anything that had to do with Troy and that was for numerous reasons: 1) I would throw up at the thought of him being near me (which was a recurring wave of nausea that would periodically hit me). 2) I would cry at the idea of me not being worthy enough to be here with the other SVs. 3) Ignorance really is bliss.

Unfortunately, over the last two weeks I haven't had much contact with Terrance. It's like we were consistently going in different directions and by the time the day was over, we'd be so exhausted that we would just sleep.

But ever since Troy came, we have been comfortably sharing a bed with no complications. I wish I could tell you that he stayed on his side and I stayed on mine, but that would be a lie. Every night we would snuggle up to each other and just fall asleep.

Some nights I would stay up just to hear him breathe. Does that sound weird? Then I'm so damn weird. I just found comfort in knowing he was alive and resting. I found comfort in his arms and that was a strange feeling.

His arms were starting to be associated with safety and that was a scary scary thing. I didn't know how safe I was until I overheard a conversation he was having with Phoebe.

"No, Mr. Sanchez won't be coming back to camp this summer." He told her with a certainty that even I lacked.

Neither of them saw me so I was able to overhear the majority of their conversation. I tried not to dwell on it for the rest of the day, but it was plaguing my mind and I knew I wouldn't be able to get any relief unless I asked.

Terrance was carrying a load of clothes to the washing area and I thought it would be a perfect time to wash as well.

He didn't notice me until he dropped down his bag and began emptying it out. When our eyes met, he lit up with a glimmer that I suspected that he only had for me.

I smiled a genuine smile. "Hey, Chief." He greeted me.

I passed pleasantries by a couple of feet and skipped straight to my question. "So I overheard you and Pheebs earlier today." I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear after dropping down my bag. "The content of the conversation was interesting."

"Were you eavesdropping?" He questioned, tilting his head to the side while grinning a boyish smirk.

"Eavesdropping would imply that I was trying to hide myself, which I was not. You both just didn't see me, but that's beside the point." I nodded my head.

"What's the point then?" He asked, lifting his brow. "Me and Phoebe talk about a lot of things. Sea turtles, school, Reese's Cups-"

I cut him off because I wasn't the biggest fan of how close they were. I also wasn't the biggest fan of being jealous of them. So I ignored that.

"You said that Troy wouldn't come back this summer." I recalled their conversation. "You said it like you were so sure that he wouldn't."

"I am sure." His face went serious as he stared at me with intense eyes. I wasn't a fan of those intense eyes just like I wasn't a fan that I was jealous of their relationship.