Lost in the Truth

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The high is so intense, I feel my body craving more. More. I NEED more.

That's all i can think of for hours.

I hated this feeling inside of me, being nothing more than just an object to everyone around me. An obstacle, a weapon, a body.

But how long can I harbor this self pity within myself?

Here I am crying to a god I know doesn't exist. Or maybe he does and refuses to stretch out his hand to those in need.

"Rough morning?" Theo says as he sits next to me, i jump in my seat quickly hiding  the remaining drugs i had laid out on the ground next to me.

"No." i say curtly

"You know you don't have to act all tough right?.... Everyone knows pansy's a bitch." he says, making me relive what I walked into earlier

"Oh yeah that. Yeah I guess." i say dismissively 

"Want to talk about it?" he asks as he finds a place to sit next to me, but honestly it all sounded blurry, god how high was i?

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but at least share." he says and i did hear that, i simply handed over the bag filled with all kinds of drugs, he took a xanax pill and swallowed it like candy.

"Doing drugs before breakfast can't be good for us." he says jokingly running a hand through his hand, making me giggle a bit. I finally wipe the tears from my eyes realizing they were there the whole time.

"So i didn't know you did this stuff" he says as he lazily points at the bag.

"Yeah old habits die hard" i say as i rest my head on the wall behind me and stare in the horizon as the morning sun becomes hotter warming my cold face.

"Why are you up so early?" i ask lowly trying to avoid my voice from cracking.

"Draco and i decided to go for a morning run, just waiting for breakfast now." he says

"You can go if you want, you don't have to stay." i say trying to make him feel less obligated.

"No i want to stay." he says as he moves closer to me

"What? to watch me cry?" i say jokingly smirking slightly

"No just to watch you smile again." he says, making me slightly blush, smiling a bit harder this time.

"Shut up" i say trying to avoid awkwardness.

He simply laughs and leans against the wall next to me. The silence we shared was refreshing.

-

Theo left for breakfast while i stayed behind knowing i was way too high to be wandering around, decided to skip a few of my classes as i went back to my dorm and simply stared at the mess that pansy made of my things.

God i just don't want to be here anymore as I begin to clean up some of the mess made by pansy

Took me a minute to collect my thoughts but i finally decided to get out of here, well not quite out of here, here. But out of this dorm. I cast a quick charm and collect all my things and make my way to snape's classroom, luckily he had an off period right now so no one would know.

"Ms. Gaumount, glad to see you could finally make it to class, unfortunately, you're a tad too late" snape says sarcastically.

"Sorry about that, but i need a new dorm." i say waiting for his rejection of my proposal, and also all while trying to act as sober as possible.

"There's an empty room on the boy's side, you can have that one." he says as he walks away from me and leaves me standing in his empty classroom. 

I was confused at how easy that was, as i made my way back to the common room and into the boys side. I should have clarified which room exactly it was. Looking down this hall is much more daunting.

I ruled out the boys' rooms and started by just placing my hand over the knob not wanting to go in and see anything I shouldn't. I mean after all boys will be boys.

So I used a charm letting me know who was the last person who touched the knob before me. I quickly eliminated all the rooms except one, that had to be it. I made my way into the room and set down my belongings.

This was mine and only mine. A place where i can be alone, alone.

I was about to lay down on the bed but not before realizing this is the boys side of the dorms so i quickly made sure everything was clean, a few cleansing charms here and there. Transfiguring a few of the things in the room.

A made one of the side tables into a velvet emerald green couch and set it in the middle of the room atop a rug, a few side tables into armchairs and set them up around the room. Making the desks provided into vanities.

Turning the wardrobes into walking closets with a simple extension charm, changing the color of the bed sheets into something more my style.

I made sure the bathroom was to my liking by adding a bathtub, and expanding the shower.

After i finished that i unpacked all of my things, set a silencing charm on the door and put on some music, and laid on my bed. And stared up at the ceiling taking everything in and finally being able to take a deep breath for the first time in a while.