I'll hold you close

Chapter 1

CW: Transphobia, Sexual Harassment

Levi stared out the window of the transport van as it sped along the highway through a densely wooded landscape. The leaves rustling gently in the wind, and dappled sunlight filtering through the branches. He made sure to take in everything he passed in great detail, knowing he wouldn't experience such diversity for a long time after today.

Levi was on his way to Litchfield, where he would spend the next three years of his life. He tried not to consider what an immense amount of time that was, pushing hopelessness out of his mind that continued to creep its way back in. The woman in the van next to him hadn't stopped staring at the floor since she got into the van. Well actually, staring through the floor was more like it. She clearly wasn't actually seeing what was in front of her. Levi's index finger tapped anxiously on his thigh in front of him, the only thing giving away his anxious state. He planned to remain stoic at Litchfield, keeping to himself, and using the time to read, journal, and reflect on himself. He was going to use this to his advantage as best as he could.

The van slowed and pulled off the highway. Levi noticed a sign for Litchfield, meaning they had almost arrived.

Panic started to rise in his chest, creeping in and threatening to consume him. He felt his heartbeat speed up, and struggled to keep his breathing even. The tapping of his finger became faster and his leg started to bounce. This panic wasn't helped by his own self criticism. He hadn't even arrived and already he was freaking out. How was he going to get through this?

Levi shut his eyes and forced himself to focus on breathing, using one of the many breathing techniques taught to him in therapy. This helped, but his chest still felt tight and he could still hear his heartbeat moving at a rapid pace. The van pulled off the main road and stopped in front of a tall chain link fence. The driver rolled down the window and punched in a passcode, causing the gate to slide open. The van drove through and Levi continued to keep panic from taking over. The van rolled to a stop and a guard opened the door.

 Levi took a shaky breath and climbed out, the woman following behind him. He quietly followed along where he was directed to go, keeping his eyes trained ahead, focused on nothing in particular. Another guard led him through a door and up to a desk, one in a row of many, where yet another guard sat behind a glass divider. She asked his name without looking up.

"Levi Chambers". He replied.

His deep voice made her gaze snap up from her computer screen. He slouched slightly, subconsciously trying to become invisible, sensing her shock and confusion. She stared for a moment, but then seemed to remember something and snapped out of her stupor to search through her computer's files. The other inmate who had driven in with him raised her gaze from the floor for the first time and looked at him thoughtfully for a moment from where she stood at another desk. Her gaze quickly returned to the floor, falling back into her disassociated state. The guard behind the glass, clicked the mouse a few times and typed something in, and then looked back to Levi.

"Head into the next room please" she directed.

He nodded and walked through the door to his left.

A red line divided the room in half, and in front of it three guards stood rigid with their arms behind their backs, one woman and two men.

The woman stood centred in front of the lines while the two men stood about a metre apart behind it.

"Line up on the red line". One of the male guards ordered.

Levi complied and waited for other new inmates to shuffle in. More had entered the prison since his arrival, travelling to the prison from different places. Eventually the line filled with a row of female inmates, in various states of composure, most looked only half aware of where they were.

"Alright ladies, strip." the guard barked.

Levi's face burned. He did his best to compose himself and hide his discomfort, but he was frozen for a moment, trying not to react. The others began removing their clothes while Levi stood unmoving.

He knew it was going to be difficult being placed in a women's facility, but it was the only way he would be safe. Still, moments like this made goosebumps break out all over his body, and really struggle to bring air into his lungs.

Evidently, Levi took too long to respond to the guard's order, as he felt a jab in his back where he had been poked with a guard's baton.

"Hurry up." The guard uttered.

He snapped out of his state, and slowly peeled off his clothes.

Taking his shirt off was the easy part, he was proud of his chest, and it was everything he had ever wanted. Top surgery had saved his life. But his lip quivered as he removed his pants and boxers, and he fought back tears as the other inmates turned to look at him, muttering amongst themselves.

"Eyes forward ladies". One of the guards ordered, granting him some mercy.

The inmates endured the handsy search that followed. A male guard sidled up behind him and guided his hands down Levi's waist. His hands lingered and then he brought his mouth close to Levi's ear. He could feel the guards disgusting moustache brushing against his head.

"You've still got some feminine curves." he whispered.

Levi squeezed his eyes shut and focused on breathing once again. His throat constricted, and he felt the ache of a sob building just above his Adam's apple.

The guard then came around Levi's front side and felt down both of his legs. He glanced up and raised an eyebrow at him from where he was crouched between Levi's thighs, but Levi refused to look. The guard finally stepped away after what felt like an eternity. The inmates were finally handed a bright orange shirt and pants and a pair of cotton underwear. Levi put them on quickly and breathed a very small sigh of relief, choosing to ignore the discomfort of wearing women's underwear for now. He was just relieved to be covered up.

They walked single file into the next room and lined up to have pictures taken for their ID badges.

Finally, each of them was handed a bundle containing all their bedding. And led to their respective bunk assignments. Levi felt nauseous thinking about everything that lay ahead of him; thinking about spending the next three years enduring this torment.