Decision or Destiny?

Take away the pain

With Phil at his date, and all the guest out of the flat. Dan had to clean all the dishes himself. He knows he shouldn't be selfish like this. He should be proud. Phil looked happy as he left for his date. Dan may be miserable but Phil... He'll never even notice Dans pain.
When Dan was done with the dishes he went to the living space and got on Twitter. Chris had let it slip that Phil had a date so the trending topic was #GoodbyePhan
Dan's heart was crushed. He wanted Phan to be... Well.. Real. He wanted to see all the faces of the fans when they got the news but most importantly, he wanted to see Phil's face. He was planning on telling Phil how he felt that night. But things have went bloody hell.
Just as Dan shut his laptop and turned on the television, Phil walked in, looking happy. Which only made Dan feel sad. Then selfish for feeling sad. He put on a fake smile and turned toward Phil.
"So.. How was the-ugh-date?"
"Huh?" Phil said still staring off into the distance with that smile that Dan wished was for him.
"I asked how was the date" Dan was shocked Phil was even paying attention to him. He said that after the date, they would celebrate. Just him and Phil.
Phil looked at Dan with that smile still plastered on his face, it look as if it got bigger, if that was possible.
Phil grew hesitate to tell Dan how much fun him and Kelsey had. He felt bad for leaving Dan but he needed to tell someone how fun Kelsey is. If he couldn't tell Dan, he couldn't tell anyone. Dan is his best friend.
Dan saw look on Phils face and felt bad for being mad. He thought how bad Phil must feel. How sad Phil is that he left Dan. "He probably didn't even have any fun." Dan thought right before Phil's smile reappeared and he jumped in the couch and exclaimed "Kelsey is amazing! She's so fun and pretty and she has to be the smartest person I know." He kept going on and on about how amazing Kelsey was, how pretty, how fun, how unique, how sweet, how smart she was.
Dan kept telling himself, "smile. Remember, you're happy for Phil. Don't show the pain that you feel in your heart. Phil deserves to be happy. Phil deserves to be happy. Phil deserves to be happy. "
When Phil was finally done talking about Kelsey, they watched an old French romance film. Some reason, they sat on opposite sides of the couch. When, usually, they'd sit right beside each other. Dan would always look at Phil and watch how into the film Phil was. It didn't matter what movie it was, Phil would be so into it. Whenever they would sit next to each other, Dan would be so close to Phil. He would sit there and stare at him. Just admire Phil's perfection. His cute dorkiness, his beautiful face. Just everything about him. But today, phil wasn't sitting beside Dan. Nor was he into the film. He was just staring off into space "Probably thinking about Kelsey." Dan couldn't help but to think.
Dan made up an excuse of "having a headache" to get up and go to bed in the middle of the film. Phil barely even nodded in dans direction. Usually Phil would ask if he's okay. And even if Dan would reply with a yes, Phil would still follow Dan into his bed and snuggle with him. Telling him that he hoped Dan felt better in the morning. Of course Dan would. Waking up to Phil's face, was an instant cure.
But the next morning, Dan woke up with his eyes still wet from crying and no Phil to make it better. His left a note on his door saying that he went to have brunch with Kelsey. So Dan knew that meant no eating cereal and watching anime with his lion today. Dan got on his phone and the trending hashtag was #PhilsGirlFriend. Appaerantly, Phil posted about Kelsey. Dan couldn't believe it. They were already "official" about it?! They haven't even had 2 real dates yet they are sitting there all perfect with Kelsey waving Phil in Dans face.
Dan grabbed some cereal and sat it in front of the TV, as he went to Phil's room and almost knocked before realizing what he was doing. Dan was so used to waking up with cereal, anime, and Phil. But now, with the most important aspect gone, Dan didn't know what to do. He thought "screw it" and put the bowl in the sink without even eating the cereal.
By the time Dan got out of the shower, Phil was back at their flat. "Phil?" Dan called as he walked out of the bathroom in a towel. "Yea?" Phi, replied. "Just wanted to make sure it was you and not an ax murderer." Dan laughed only half hearted as he walked into Phil's room where Phil was. "Dan! If I was an ax murderer, would you come out in nothing but a towel?!" "Of course not! This is only for you." Dan said jokingly, except he wasn't joking. Phil laughed his cute laugh where his eyes scrunched up told Dan he was about to FaceTime Kelsey and didn't want her to see him I only a towel.
"Yea. Sure. But ugh. After the FaceTime, can me and you talk? It's kind of important." Dan said hoping to get a chance to ask about the tweet.
"Sure. Now go away. This is her now."Phil replied, not even noticing the way Dan let the towel slip down a little. Dan sighed and walked back into his room. "Dan!" Phil called from his room. Was the FaceTime over that fast? Did Phil break it off with Kelsey and was calling Dan to tell him so? He walked into Phil's room, this time with pants on. Only to have Phil still on FaceTime and reply "can you shut the door? You didn't shut it when you left."
"That's because you never have the door shut. What are you hiding...? Me?" Dan thought as he went back into his room only to fight off tears that rolled down his cheeks. He only knew two ways to take away the pain. Phil was one. And since that was off the table, Dan reached for the blades and took a deep breath before slicing at his wrist.