I Hate You Too

So terribly alone

𝚪𝟃𝖓𝖇ØØ pov:

Walking back home holding in tears is a nightmare. Especially when everyone you pass is happy with someone else. Holding hands. Blushing faces. Matching Outfits. Smiling Wide. Fuck them. Fuck those people. They're so ignorant to the poor, poor ending of romance. Of life. Them living in the moment, it makes me resent them. The bliss, not knowing the vile ending of it all.  Romance blinds you, stops you from thinking horrible thoughts. But I'm smarter then that. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I know their fates. Anger, Sadness. Fighting over small differences leads to cheating and despair. Life is just like that. Life's a bitch and Fate's a fickle thing. 

But I'm over it. I'm over life. I'm over romance. I'm better than that. Been there, done that. Everyone's got a soft spot, but I don't. I won't. I won't accept it. Pulling up my hood with my earbuds connecting from my head to my phone in my pocket. Sitting on the bus. I don't know where I'm going or why. I just am. I'll go where life takes me. 

Winter keeps the sun at bay, and it's exceedingly gloomy out. I'm sat uncomfortably betwixt two older men, with barley half a seat to my name, I pull out my phone and almost go on auto-pilot, my fingers doing their own thing on my phone. I let them. Except I shouldn't, because they only lead me to my demise, going back to my gallery to look at her. And me. Smiling, on dates. I now feel ever so lonely, sitting on a bus while people bump into my knees, mumbling curses. I wince at our smiling faces, not stopping to try and better myself. I keep going, only scrolling further and further down. Kissing, dates, blush, hearts.  Nothings new. Not on a horribly dark day like this. No one cares enough to ask what's wrong, and everyone's miserable. Especially me. 

I get shifted by the sudden stop of the bus, although it's not sudden at all. Everything's calculated, calculated to be easy and efficient. But none of it's human. Human is making mistakes and living, no matter how bad life ever gets. You get though. Humans aren't made for perfection. We're made to make mistakes. But yet everyone ignores that. 'Cause society can't face the hard truth. That no matter how hard you're trained. No matter how hard someone pushes you, or forces you. You'll never be perfect. You'll always have hard days. But no one can swallow that pill. It's too big a task. So everyone lives in pain. In misery.

But who am I to judge. I'm just a guy. Crying about some stupid girlfriend.

The bus makes it's final stop and although I shouldn't I'm tempted to stay on. To see what happens. Where I go. I get up anyway and walk through the small amount of people left people who fell asleep, friends of the bus driver, kids curios to where they'd go. and the people at this stop. Dragging my feet with every step, dreading going home. I love home, but sometimes, you want to be alone. And this is one of those times. I walk past my house, one filled with memories, good and bad. The lights are on and I can see my dad, sitting on the couch, reading contently. What did I do to deserve him. His smile, waiting for his son to come home so he can give him a big hug. He's a perfect dad. And he got a terrible son. And I'm eternally sorry for him.

Still walking, I let some tears fall, slowly, they fall as music still serenades my agony.  I think back to all our happy moments and I'm taken  back, thinking of all the happy times. The worst part is, I don't miss her. I miss when I was happy. I miss just being with someone. 

As I start ugly crying, I turn back around to my home. Walking back was torture, but I make it through and wipe my tears at the door. I fix my face and open the door hoping my dad doesn't ask too many questions.

As I am greeted with warmth and a warm welcoming smile, I return a smaller one and dash to my bedroom, and fall onto my covers. I throw off my backpack and cry, curling under the sheets, holding onto my pillows as if I would die without them. I stumble to take of my shoes, and drop them onto the floor with a resounding thud. I start sobbing harder, breathing shakily, getting colder. Oh so cold. My heart feels as though I'm being stabbed repeatedly, each time digging deeper and deeper. Cold metal, touching my ever so cold heart. My pillow is a darker shade due to my tears sinking onto the surface. My chest has a terrible sensation running up and down like a runner on a race track, and it's a horribly consistent feeling. There are shivers going up my spine and no one's here to help me through it. I feel so alone. So terribly alone.

933 words

this is short, but i think it's good! i'm listening to good and evil from tally hall. i mostly listen to quad M more but i wanna fully listen to g&e

i love the tally hall universe  my favorite songs being two wuv, &, variations on a cloud, dream sweet in sea major, spring and a storm, and go to bed (not my fave but it's up there) 

what's youre fave tally hall universe songs?