I Hate You Too

Alone

尺ⓐη𝔹𝓸𝓞 pov:

Waking up with the sun beating down on you sucks ass.  Especially when you have no girlfriend to make you forget about it. When there's no one to help get you through it. The cold empty spot next to me was off putting and I hated the feeling of being alone. It's my worst nightmare, no one to help you, even when you're always there for other people. The extreme sense of dread I feel when I'm alone with my thoughts is unbearable. I used to be just fine being alone when I was younger. Always happy to talk to myself, but losing my mom changed that. With her not being there, I felt empty. The old joy and whimsy I used to feel drifted away, and was replaced with pain, and a resounding hate for solitude. I hated my mom for leaving. I despised her for ruining my "perfect life" for driving dad to the edge of a cliff. For leaving me behind. She left us because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle taking care of me and my dad. She wanted me to have a perfect life, but for me to have one, she had to leave us. I resented her. All she did was sacrifice a her happy life for me to have a perfect one without her. But I was dumb and young. I hated her for it. I couldn't comprehend why she left, so only knowing only half of the truth, I detested her.  It hurt me to hate her, she was my mom, and I hated her for doing something I would have done if I were her. If I knew the full truth.

If only I could understand, and be there for her when she was clearly hurting. Maybe she would have stayed. But a perfect family doesn't exist, I've learned that now. There will always be some conflict, but that's okay, because humanity is flawed.

But it's all in the past. I shouldn't dwell on it too much. I sit up and look to the ceiling, giggling to myself. Of course it's a horrible truth, but everyone has one. You just have to learn how the live with yours, only then will you live you life to it's fullest extent.

I'll try to move on. I can't stay in the past, or else everyone will leave without me. And I know how I feel about being alone. I smile a small smile, it doesn't make sense to let everything go in just a second, all of that past trauma. But I'm not. Just for a moment, I'm letting it go, I'll try to have a good day. Giving my self a break. It isn't that easy, to let everything behind, but you have to try. Just for a bit. 

I stand up, stretching my arms up, almost hitting the ceiling. Dragging my tearstained body out the bed, walking to the bathroom, splashing my face with cold, refreshing water. It almost resets my mood, my eye bags and tearstains ever-present, not daring to wash away. I stand still, thinking of a solution, reaching into a drawer, one I haven't opened in a bit. I always wore a mask, scared of how people would treat me. What they would think if they saw my full face. I couldn't bear it. I knew it would lead people to bullying me for the mask. But I thought it would be better then them seeing it. But after I met her, she made me feel better, I stopped wearing the mask, and I started not caring about what others thought of me. She made me feel confident. I still am, but I need someway to hide the stains and bags. 

I continue my morning routine, rushing out the door, not eating breakfast so dad wouldn't question my mask. Lucky for me, he wasn't even awake. So I continued my way to school, passing everyone. Niki was helping a teacher today, so she was leaving earlier then me. I had to walk alone. Students were whispering, and I didn't even need to hear it to know what it was about. 

'Ranboo's wearing his ugly mask again.'

'Didn't he break up with Emma?'

'Look, the clown just walked in!'

'Wearing the mask again, must mean he's insecure!'

I sigh, humans, always one to assume, never being kind enough to ask and find out the real truth. The world has really gone to shit. But I told myself I would think positively today. So I ignore it and walk to class, being early, I pull out my phone and start doing random shit, but someone apparently has a problem with that. 

"Hey! Hey you!" I assume they're not talking to me and continue on with life.

"Excuse me!" This time I look up to see a familiar face. I familiar cocky face. I roll my eyes at them.

"What do you want." I say though not as a question, more as a demand really.

"Nothing I just wanted to annoy you," He smiles a stupid fucking smile, walking off to his seat, another blond student sitting in front of him. That fucking bitch. I stick up my middle finger in his direction, still looking down at my phone. I don't want to see his face anymore today.

So much for being positive.

ⓣ𝓊Ⓑ𝓑ᗝ pov:

Walking into first period has never been anymore fun. I get to annoy that [hot] guy at auditions. I try to get his attention purely just to annoy him, but something confuses me. He's wearing a mask? Is he sick? Shouldn't he stay home if he's sick? Why is he wearing the mask? I ignore my want to ask the question, that's not what I want to say to him. I want to annoy him. Not make friends. For god's sake, what is wrong with me. He's trying to take my perfect life away from me!

"Hey! Hey you!" I try to get his attention, but it doesn't work. God he must be deaf or something.

"Excuse me!" I try  again, and to this he lifts up his masked face. His dumb face. [A concealed part of Tubbo finds his face kind of hot in a way. The way his hair falls over his eyes, with he sun from the window lights up his face making his hair a light brown that really suits him.]

"What do you want." He rolls his eyes. The disrespect of this guy!

"Nothing I just wanted to annoy you," I smile, walking off to my seat by the window. He scoffs and puts out his middle finger to me as Tommy sits down. I laugh under my breath. I love getting under his skin.

1158 words

hello!

reminder: you are beautiful in every way, and don't let anyone say otherwise. drink water, and eat food you deserve it! you work hard every day, and you should always take a break! you deserve one. you are valid, pretty, wonderful, worth it, and i believe in you!