I Hate You Too

im so focking confused

(just in case you forget the cast list^^)

tubbo pov:

Okay, maybe I like him. Like- a little. But in a friend kind of way!

Ugh, what am I doing?! You are literally talking to yourself in your head. How do you fuck up thinking?!

Over the last few rehersals I've learned... some things about me... [Although I've liked him the entire time- its just now become abundantly clear that I do in fact like him.]

Okay- maybe I'm not pan- maybe I'm gay. Maybe he's not my worst enemy- maybe, maybe, maybe.

ranboo pov:

It's really hard acting so confident when just looking into those goddamned eyes kill me. I can't focus, I can't act, I can't pretend I hate him a day longer.

And it's because I don't. It's literally the exact opposite. I love his eyes, his odd relationship with the skies, his voice, his hands, his personality- god, I just know God made him perfect. No flaws. Unlike me. I stutter, I'm off key, I'm stupid, and I'm messy. I know we could never be together, but something about being with him in the musical- it made me really truely love him.

We're Romeo and Julliet, except he doesn't like me back, god I'm so fucking stupid I can't even make good analogies!

tubbo pov:

In the world he liked me back, pigs could fly. In the world he liked me back, I would have straight A's all my life. Long story short- we're meant to be unrequited. Not in the way it's better off we're not together, but in the way it's just not possible for us to both like each other in the same place at the same time. So I have two choices: I love him with all my heart but end up without him. Heartbroken and ruined. Or I placebo myself into thinking I don't like him. We kill this shot before it even gets to live. A spark without a flame. Ruined potential.

Either I end up in ruins or any possible [very unlikely] love between us end up in ruins.

Call me a narcissist but I choose the former.

Thats it. I don't like him. I totally don't find his eyes enchanting, his smile dazzling, his voice sweet, his hair soft. None of those. I don't like him. I never did. I'll move on.

It's been a few days and this is hell. It feels like I'm trying to quit smoking. Fruitless, and like I'm just going to crawl back into it's comforting arms.

I feel like I love him [because I do-] but I'm just being silly. I don't! I think he's just dandy. I dont like him, I could never!

[It's really hard to see his face and not absolutly swoon like how I used too. Christian loves him, I still love him, but I can't get myself to go through that. So no- I don't like him. He's just a friend.]

Parts of my brain just swoon, drawing hearts all around him as if I could ever like him! That would just be so foolish!

ranboo pov:

You see, I'm really trying to be decent but its just so hard not to eavesdrop. He's just so loud!

"- I just love the sun. And the moon, dont get me wrong! But I just love the sun. It makes me so happy knowing it's there, y'know?" Tubbo says.

"Yeah, I totally get it," Samantha laughs, looking off to the side, something- or rather someone catches her attention.

"Oh, my god. Do you like Ha-?!" Tubbo starts but is cut off by Samantha's hand clasped on his mouth.

"Could you shut it! Maybe I like her, but so what, she's straight!" She blushes and Tubbo laughs slightly. He also looks a little worse after Samanthat's mention of love. Why could that be?

"Awwwwwe, I totally ship it, and I'll be real with you, if I were a girl and I saw you, I would not be straight for much longer." Tubbo jokes. Samantha and I both flush red. 'Cept I've turned red from anger. Or is it jealousy?

"Oh, stop that! You're just saying that because you're my best friend!" She plays it off, although her pink face betrays her.

Even though I know she likes girls now I can't help but feel jealous. Why can she talk to him so easily while I just mumble and look down? Why can't I be his best friend, or more?

"Okay, you can talk about me and her all you want but nothing will stop me from forgetting about you and him~" She teases.

Okay, now I'm really mad. Who does he like?! Who could possibly make him swoon? Why can't they be me?! I need to get out if here.

I get up out of my chair with a little more force than required and storm past them. I can't stand the thought of him possibly liking someone. It's far too much for someone as simple minded as me. I can't stand to think of it. I can't stand the thought of him, or of anyone right now. My mind is completely set on anger. Red, red, red, anger, anger, anger, jealousy, jealousy, jealousy. All these negative feelings make me want to pull out my hair. Make them go away, please.

tubbo pov:

Ranboo very angrily storms past us, something on his phone might've really ticked him off, huh.

"Speak of the devil," Sammy says giggling.

"Oh, I have to tell you- I really don't like him, like we're 'friends' really more acquaintances, but anyways I don't like him. I can't go through the pain of rejection." I confess, looking down, away from her eyes.

"But what if he didn't?" She says in a small voice.

"What?" I ask, why is she talking in such a cryptic way?

"What if he did like you back, and you just threw away your one shot at true love because you were scared to hurt your own feelings? What if- he has to feel that pain instead of you. That's rather narcissistic of you Toby." God, how has it gotten so serious? Why is she using my real name?

"If I have to be the vain self centered one of the group then so be it! It's not like it'll ever happen." I spout out. I'll take this one for the team. Even though the team only has me on it.

"you're so naïeve sometimes," She whispers.

"What did you say?"

And then the bell rang.

1143 words

i forgot to say this but the last ran pov its at lunch and people can eat at the library, the cafeteria, or the courtyard. rheyre at the courtyard.

also hi, am sorry about the impromptu break, i really didnt want to, but i kinda forgot about this. lol