I Hate You Too

Unending chase

ȶʊɮɮօ pov:

Walking home without Tommy by my side is a little odd, but nothing I can't handle on my own. Plus, it is quite nice to not have to listen to non-stop blabbering about whatever shit he got into that day. The quiet was quite perplexing though not unwelcome, though what is unwelcome is the feeling that I'm forgetting something. It's probably nothing. 

The sun wasn't out which was a shame because I love the sun. I love it when you're out with your friends, hanging out with the sun beating on your skin, warming you up, even on windy cold days. I love the summer, no school, waking up late, staying up early. I love watching the sun walk throughout the day. Its eternal chase, around the Earth, chasing the moon, like two kids, forever unchanging, but that's the beauty of it. It's been happening so long, you'd assume it would keep going forever, but eventually, the sun will tire, and the moon will be alone, a fruitless endeavor. Everyone knows it'll happen one day, it's inevitable. 

I love staying up late, sitting on the roof of my house, watching the sun leave, and the moon take it's place, the stars accompanying it's journey. Mom would freak if she knew, though not because she cares about me, but because she likes being in control. She likes ordering my every move, whenever something doesn't go her way, she resorts to physical violence, and almost nothing goes her way. She either has terrible luck or god is against her. I'd like to think it was the latter, but I don't know. I have scars scattered across my body, the ones on my arms aren't from her though. Mostly from nights where I was at an all time low. When the sun and moon were covered with fog and stars were hard to see. When I couldn't sit on the roof, all alone, just the stars, the moon, the sun, and I. When the storms outside were too loud, they only made the voices louder. This is why I hate storms. This is what leads me to those nights. Those god awful nights. I touch my left arm and look down in shame. They're not my proudest moments, but they're not really something I can just ignore.

I keep walking, not thinking about the nights full of unending tears, not full of blood, not full of cuts and bruises, not full of pain. I like ignoring those nights. I like thinking about the sun and watching it. I know exactly when the sun is at it's peak, when the moon finally shows his pretty face, when the stars shine the brightest. Every summer I pick a journal, and I log times and dates, when they shine the best. When they peak, when they're hidden in the clouds, when I can see other planets. I love taking pictures of them and adding them into the notebook. One middle school summer I saved up enough money for a polaroid camera. I've used the same camera ever since. Every notebook from every summer, they always end up thicker then when I buy them, from all the pictures stuffed inside. I have a notebook from every summer starting in sixth grade, and I don't plan on stopping. Maybe if I get a summer job, I can get a better camera! Although my current one isn't too bad. I don't need it all too much. I don't want to be selfish, making money at my job and instead of helping pay rent, I buy something I don't even really need? That's kind of selfish to me at least. 

I finally get home and surprisingly moms not home? That's confusing. She's never not home! I open my sisters room and I'm surprised she's not home either. I shrug and go to my room placing my stuff down. Today has been awfully quiet. The walk home was silent, and no one's home, it's quite confounding. 

After changing and taking off my backpack and unpacking I sit on my bed and charge my phone. I sit and stare at the ceiling, closing my eyes for just a second. Just a second. I think to myself. 

I wake up to my enraged mother, who basically has steam coming out her ears. Red face and all. She marches up to me as I sit up in bed, Lani and Teegan are behind her, they look scared for me.

"You lazy motherfucker. You think you can ruin my reputation by not showing up to the party?!?" She screams, raising her hand to hit me. She keeps it there as a taunt, and I start shaking hard.

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?!?" She slaps my face as Teegan mouths 'sorry' and they both leave.

"I-uh-" I barely get out before she hits me again, an aura of hate and anger emanating off of her. I forgot about that party. It was my aunts and I bet mother was flaunting to her aunts about how I'm "perfect". And since I wasn't at the party, her sister probably laughed at her or something. Well deserved anyways.

"Don't you fucking talk back to me you dumb shit!" She hits me once more, then pulls me out of the bed onto the floor, making me look up at her. I start crying, not noticing it at first, but they start coming down hot and fast. 

"Oh, now the big baby is crying! Boo Hoo!" She mimics a baby crying, balling her fists and circling them in front of her eyes.

The rest of the night is a blur. A bloody, bloody blur, I don't eat dinner, she forbids me, so I stay in my room, forced to patch up my wounds on my own. Stinging pain rushes up and down my body fast, making me wince in pain. Even though I've already been hurt enough, I am still tempted to just start cutting. Using my razor in my drawer. I really want to. I really, really want to, but I won't. I won't fall for the temptations. 

I continue patching myself up and go to bed early. I mean, I have nothing better to do anyways.

1089 words

hi! this chapter isnt too good, but it's still pretty fine!

i might have to change my update schedule because of school, probably this book on wednesday and my other one on thursdays or fridays idk if this is official, i'll put up an official updated update schedule on my message board or something.