💌Ꮆєт тσ кησω мє💌

Update about life rn

So rn life is okay-ish. School is coming up and I am lowkey kinda glad. I hated summer and only liked a few things that happened plus half the summer, I cried, hated how I looked, and hated how I was in school last year but new things are gonna happen while I'm in school such as not crying in front of people, I did that maybe around 6 or 4 times and I hated it cuz people I had contact with asked me why was I crying in class today and I wouldn't tell them the real reason, I would just say some bullshit answer. School is on the 28th of this month so yippie ig but somethings happened so ima tell yall about them, I lost some friendships with my family so I don't talk to them about my "problems" I just suck it up and deal with it cuz I hate sharing how I feel to others or just people in total but I am working on it bit by bit. Does anyone just want the world to stop for one second so they can catch their breath? Well I wish I could stop time cause everything is too much at once but people can't see that cause you put on a smile and say you're ok when you not ok your lying so they don't have to worry about you and you hate it to stress an worry people about you cause you think you be to much for them so you just hold in everything in for a while until you met someone you can cry in front you and they won't judge you but you still believe you shouldn't show people your weakness or see you in a weak moment so you suck it up and hold it in a small little bottle of feels and emotions in a bottle that is filled to the very tiny top of the bottle and you keep pushing and holding your emotions and feels in the small bottle until it cracks then more cracks and more cracks until it shatters into small sharp shards that go everywhere and when the shards move they stick to the place around the place the glass shattered so I thought of a way to not shatter my glass of feels and emotions by not showing them or getting attached to anyone but this plan sometimes works but mostly works so I use it a lot but the few times it didn't work was when I met my crush/boyfriend and when I met my best friends I only have a few friends who seen me cry well I mean 4 which is my best friends I won't say their names for their safely but they are girls and I wouldn't care less no matter who wants tobe close to me, no one will be closer to me then them. Rn I'm sitting in my bathtub as I'm writing this cause I am taking a life check break for a while so I won't be on social media but Wattpad and Instagram so Discord, Snap, and anything else I won't be on cause I don't want to have a panic attack in my bathroom or front of my family as I am holding in tears and hash words I want to say I won't cause I know I will go too far. Some people, my older sister whom I now don't see as my family but more like someone who lives with me, say"Forgive but don't forget" But in my honest opinion that bullshit does not work for me but it might work for you and others but not me, once you hurt me and you think I'll forgive you? Yeah no I will never forgive you no matter what and I will never forget. Sure I may forget what you did but I will always remember how I felt about you and never forgive that's how I am still alive to this day, I don't forgive and I don't forget anything so to me that "forgive but don't forget" means bullshit to me no matter what and yay if it works for you and good for you but it doesn't work for me so don't say to me "oh just forgive but don't forget what they did". I finally noticed that family aren't shit to me, I hate everyone in my family but my baby sister and my aunt, and my mom other than those people I don't give two shit about them. If I had to pick two for my best friends, my crush/boyfriend, and the family I said I don't hate or me to live, I would pick my best friends, my crush/boyfriend, and the family I said I don't hate, they are worth more and they need it more then I do so they should live the best life they ever wanted. I haven't been sleeping for a few days and theirs a reason, The reason is that I overthink everything so I overthink everything I did in my life and what I would change if I got the chance. I might pass out in the bathtub after or while writing this part so sorry about that if I fall asleep during this. As I'm writing this I got into a fight with my sibling whom I don't think as a family and her girlfriend whom she was on a call with as the moment a few minutes earlier about lip oil I asked my younger brother to hold as I went to go do something for my father, he threw/drops it somewhere so now it's gone and it was very important to me but my sister seems like I was making a big deal out of something so small but she would panic and get upset if she loses her laptop which is very important to her and she says "Why would I lose my laptop", But please someone tell me who calms down when someone says "calm down", I feel like when your mad or upset, it's a fire and someone or people tells you to calm down, what do yall think when you say calm down to someone who's yelling, screaming, and panicking that in a quick move that they are calmed and have their life together after you say calm down? No that makes it worse, As I said before when you are mad or upset it's like a fire and someone who tells you to calm down is the gasoline, and when gasoline hits the hot fire of rage, hurt feelings, and harsh words make the rage bigger and less controllable for the other person to handle it until they just break and nothing stops them.This is why I can't stand people whom I don't know or siblings saying "Calm down", but people think differently about things so I get it.

This is the update and I'll post another chapter on this book and finish on another book